


Kill All Your Friends

by CurrentlyLost



Category: My Chemical Romance, frerard - Fandom
Genre: But im kinda proud of this fic, But still. Frank., Eventual mutual love, Frank is an amazing guy, Its not present in the fic utb pondered on often, M/M, So is Gee, Theres a character death, Theres a lot of depressing shit honestly, This is sort of about overcoming depression, mentions of suicide and self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:23:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 63,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6914530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrentlyLost/pseuds/CurrentlyLost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank rushes to help a seemingly aloof boy with bright red hair from a couple of boys, and he immediately wants to become his friend, but the boy keeps pushing him away. He wonders exactly why that is, and everyone knows how persistent he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's Not O-Fucking-Kay

Frank walked into the school, taking in his surroundings. He breathed in the air. All of his hard work in school has led up to this moment, he mused. Freshman year. He laughed to himself at his own dramatic phrase. He was here earlier than most kids so he could quickly get his schedule, and find his classrooms before school started so he wouldn’t get lost and end up in the wrong classroom. That was one of his school phobias. That, and sitting alone at lunch, but he never experienced that because he was, in his opinion, pretty well liked. He supposed that’s why sitting alone would be terrifying after getting all this attention from his peers.

After collecting his schedule from the gray-haired lady in the office, he wandered about the school searching for his classes until he spotted some older boys, probably upperclassmen, pushing around a boy with bright red hair. Frank, being the savior he so proudly wanted to be, he ran over to them just as they were dragging the boy into the restroom, who didn’t seem to be struggling. He slammed the restroom door open.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” He yelled. Both of the boys stopped hitting the boy with bright red hair and looked at him.

“Wanna take the beating for him instead?” They sneered. They didn’t give him the chance to answer before charging towards him. Right at that moment, Frank realized he didn’t know how to fight, but he has a lot of willpower and he knew they would tire out before he even passed out. He took the beating for the boy and he didn’t even think about taking back his actions. Once they finally grew tired, they left after throwing a few homophobic slurs at them. Frank crawled over the red haired boy, ignoring the pain all over his body.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice slightly laced with pain. The boy didn’t say anything, but instead helped Frank up. Frank didn’t question where he was being taken, but didn’t bother asking as the nurse’s office came into view. The boy knocked on the door and waited patiently before the door opened.

“Hello there, Gerard. What can I do for you this morning?” She asked before finally noticing Frank. Gasping slightly, she took him from Gerard’s care and helped him sit on the stool that was “conveniently” place in front of a mirror. Frank looked at his reflection and automatically wanted to throw up. He had a busted lip, one of his eyes was swollen shut, and he had a huge cut by his eyebrow.

“Oh, my God. I look like I went 3 rounds with Muhammad Ali!” Frank whined. The nurse gave him a chuckle while handing him an ice pack and putting a butterfly Band-Aid on the cut by his eyebrow.

“You know, you’ll probably need another ice pack for your lip,” she mumbled as she rushed over to get him one. Frank sat there for another minute before realizing that Gerard was already getting his backpack on again.

“Wait, are you leaving?” Frank asked him, grabbing his attention. He couldn’t believe this kid! He got his ass handed to him for him and he’s just going to leave without saying a word. Gerard turned to look at him briefly before walking out the door.

“Don’t take it personally. Gerard is just being Gerard,” the nurse explained.

“Why is he like that?” Frank asked. The nurse hesitated before answering.

“I’m not allowed to share that, dearie. Well, stay here for a few hours and then you can head off,” she said. Frank nodded and stared out the window. Once fourth period rolled around, the nurse dismissed him with the instructions to ice his eye as soon as he gets home. As he’s walking to his fourth period, he moves through all the kids crowding the hallway giving him weird looks because of his beat up face. He was so focused on Gerard that he forgot to ask the nurse if he could ice his ribcage, because it was currently in the process of killing him. Too late to turn back now, he thought to himself. It was only too late because he deemed himself too lazy at life and he just decided to embrace it. He spent his time until lunch, avoided getting attention, and searching the halls for Gerard. He was sitting down with his regular group of friends, who politely avoided bringing up his face, when he finally spotted the red headed boy. He was sitting outside by a tree, with what looked to be a sketchpad to him, in hand, and tongue peeking out in concentration. He quickly finished his food, told his friends he had to use the restroom, and left, quickly running outside. As he approached Gerard, he spoke up.

“Hey, what are you doing out here all alone?” Gerard seemed to slightly jump in surprise before relaxing when he saw Frank. He didn’t answer, just kept drawing. As Frank drew closer, trying to get a look of what he was drawing, Gerard shut his sketchbook and shoved it in his bag.

“Sorry. I wasn’t trying to peek or anything…much,” he admitted. When he didn’t receive an answer, he sat next him and just sat in silence for a while. Since Gerard didn’t get up to move, he assumed he was all right with him.

“So, I was in class today, of course, and, like, everyone was polite enough to not mention how my face looked like death and all his friends had an orgy on it!” He exclaimed, laughing at his own joke. He didn’t receive a reaction from him and his laugh trailed off to a nervous chuckle.

“So, like, what’s your deal? You’re that one mysterious kid who doesn’t talk because-“ he was rudely interrupted when Gerard pulled out his earphones and plugged them in, putting them on what sounded like full blast. Frank wanted to rip his own eyebrows off. That was so rude! He thought. He just sat there in silence until the bell rang and he tapped Gerard’s shoulder to let him know, and then got up himself. Once again, nothing was said to him, as Gerard walked away, leaving him behind. Again.

The rest of the day, Frank tried approaching Gerard whenever he saw him, but was skillfully avoided. Either he would duck away into his classroom, blend in with a crowd which worked pretty well despite his bright colored hair, plugged his earphones in and kept walking, stuck his nose in a book, or just straight up ignored him.

Frank walked his way into the upperclassmen’s hall and started asking around. All the people he asked gave him the same two names of the people he should ask.

Ray and Bob.

It took him a while after school to find them, and he only found them because Ray’s Afro reached above the rest of the people. They were walking out the school gate when he caught them by their wrists. They quickly turned around to look at who grabbed them and then looked down at the small looking little boy with a bruised face and piercing. They shared a look.

“Damn, little kids are growing up super fast now,” Ray told Bob, who nodded in agreement. Frank’s eyebrow twitched.

“I’m not a little kid. I’m 16,” he said in-between gritted teeth. They laughed at him until they realized he wasn’t joking.

“Holy shit, sorry, man. It’s just, you know,” Bob explained as he gestured to Frank up and down. He nodded.

“Yeah, I know. Height. Whatever. Listen my name is Frank and I heard you could tell me about Gerard. The boy with the red hair,” he explained. They gave him a sad look.

“Why do you want to know about him?” Ray asked.

“I took a beating from a couple of guys who were beating up on him. He never said a word to me. I got a little curious, you know.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, Frank,” Ray said. Bob hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, but satisfaction brought it back,” he said. They gave him a confused look. Frank sighed.

“That’s the full saying. Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back,” he explained. “Anyway, I just want to know his story. I approached him at lunch, too, and tried to for the rest of the day, but he never said anything to me. So tell me about Gerard Way,” Frank demanded. The two boys, who used to be really close to Gerard, gave each other a look full of sorrow.

“He lost his best friend,” Ray answered. Frank's mind drifted back to Gerard and his heart clenched in his chest.

Gerard needed a friend.

Everyone needs a friend.

“It was his brother,” Bob said. Frank froze.

“What?”

“His brother, Mikey, killed himself this past year. Gerard pushed all of his friends away and his grades went from top to shit. Mikey was his everything, and he lost him. We all lost him,” Ray explained. Frank noticed the tears in his eyes, and put his hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry, Frank. We have to go. See you around,” Bob said as he led Ray away. _That’s it_ , he thought, _I’m going to help him. And Ray and Bob. No one deserves to be alone._


	2. The Ghost of You

“Hey, Gerard!” Frank greeted him early in the morning. He’d been on his way to school, walking as usual, when he spotted the boy with blood red hair. Gerard jumped in surprise slightly and turned around. Once he saw it was the annoyance that had recently entered his life, he sighed and turned back to his book.

“So what book are you reading?” Frank tried making conversation.

No answer.

“Oh, you’re wearing a band tee! What band is that?” He asked, trying to get a better look. He’d seen Green Day, but he wanted some type of response.

No answer.

Frank sighed and looked up at the sky. It was gray and seemed like it was going to rain. By the end of school, it should be pouring, Frank concluded. He didn’t mind the weather, because he really liked rain. He didn’t mind walking home even though he were going to get soaked and possibly really sick because he had a shit immune system.

“Oh, look, you can see the school!” Frank exclaimed. Gerard internally rolled his eyes as he continued reading this book. It was getting really good and he wasn’t going to let that waist-high kid ruin the climax! Being a bookworm, he was able to maneuver through crowds without looking up from his book. It’s a skill you learn. After Mikey had gone away, he’d dove inside any book he could lay his hands on, starting with Crime and Punishment. It was a personal favorite of his. He’d read it the same day he’d found Mikey. He pushed those thoughts out of his head and shut his book, shoving it into his backpack.

“See you after class, Gerard!” Frank yelled as Gerard walked ahead of him and away. The rest of the day consisted of the same routine that had been going on for the last couple of days: Frank trying to get Gerard’s attention.

“Gerard!” He walked past him, slightly bumping his shoulder into Frank’s as if telling him to get lost.

“Hey there, Ger-!” He plugged in his earphones, blocking out the rest of his sentence, and glared at the younger boy, but only received an excited smile in return. He rolled his eyes and kept walking.

“Hey, what are you reading?” Frank asked. He received no answer like he expected and instead peered at the title of the book.

“’Beautiful Creatures’?” He read aloud. He stifled a laugh earning a glare from Gerard.

“No, I’m totally not making fun of you! I’m just surprised that you’re just barely reading it. I read it about a few years ago. Which reminds me, the fourth one just came out, so I need to go buy it. Wanna come with?!” He exclaimed. Gerard looked shocked and then looked down at the book, then back up at Frank as if to ask ‘there’s more?’ causing Frank to giggle.

“Yeah. Those authors, like, work really well together so they made three more. The second one is almost as good as the first one, but still not quite there. Now, the third one,” Frank paused, “that one is a bit hard to get into. It honestly took me until half the book to get into it, but after that, it was amazing!”

Gerard would never admit this to the boy sitting next to him going on and on and then apologizing if he gave away any spoilers, but he probably saved his life that day. He probably would’ve ended up like Mikey. His heart clenched. He suddenly felt guilty about being a little bit happy, and pushed the small bit of happiness away. He didn’t deserve to be happy while his brother was rotting in the ground.

Frank noticed Gerard was into the conversation, but then noticed how quickly his attitude changed. Like he just remembered something, and then completely distanced himself. For the rest of the lunch period, he was ignored. Gerard had shoved the book, almost angrily, into his bag and pulled out his cell phone and started playing a game on it. Once the bell rang, he got up with no hesitation and walked away. Frank sighed and went to his own classroom. The rest of the day was the same. Gerard ignored him with music, a book, or just completely, but before last period, Frank was coming up to Gerard to say hello and before he opened his mouth, Gerard raised his hand in a 'stop' sign and just shook his head, telling him no. Frank giggled at how predictable he was becoming.

Finally, the last bell came and he managed to find Gerard sitting under the tree he always did at lunch.

“Hey, aren’t you going home?” Frank asked him.

No answer.

“Well, um, mind if I hang out here with you for a bit? I know I probably talk too much, but-“ then Gerard interrupted him.

“Why are you doing this?” Gerard asked. Frank stood there in shock for a moment, unable to say a word. His voice sounded so smooth. It was a strange thought, but Frank really wanted Gerard to read him a book. Any book. It could be Green Eggs and Ham and he would be delighted. He snapped out of his thoughts as Gerard stood up.

“U-uh, well, because no one deserves to be alone,” Frank answered confidently.

“I wish you’d been here for Mikey,” was all Gerard said, expressionless. Then he walked away. And Frank was right, it was pouring.

He walked home slower than usual, really letting the rain soak him to his bones. He thought about Gerard and Mikey and how close they must have been. He imagined them staying up late, if not all night together, playing games, watching movies, or even having those deep conversations people always seemed to have late at night. He imagined them growing up together and always spending their time with one another. He imagined what it must have felt like to lose his best friend, someone he shared _everything_ with, someone he was completely open with, someone who understood how he really was. Frank knew he could never replace his brother, but maybe he could make him smile again, maybe he could actually do something for the quiet boy that no one thought they could. He then thought about Bob and Ray and how they must have felt. After losing one friend, the other pushed them away and they’ve lost him to. Gerard seemed just as gone as Mikey was, the only difference was that Gerard was still here. Frank was an only child, so he could never fully understand what it meant to lose a sibling as close as those two were, but then, as if he had forgotten, he remembered his mother was pregnant with his baby sister.

Although he hadn’t met her yet, his eyes teared up at the thought of losing his unborn sister. He thought of never being able to see her grow up into a beautiful young lady. He thought to himself, ‘ _What if her life was taken away too soon?_ ’ and then he suddenly knew how Gerard felt. The only difference was that Mikey had probably already set goals for himself, but he would never be able to reach them.

Gerard had probably watched over his little brother his whole life, and felt absolutely guilty that he hadn’t noticed anything before. After all, they shared everything.

Once Frank arrived home, his mother was standing in the living room holding up a towel for him. She had the biggest smile on her face as she rubbed her swollen stomach. Frank pushed passed the towel and dropped to his knees in front of his mother’s stomach. She gave him a concerned look, but then smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and snuggled his face against her stomach.

He smiled as he felt a slight ‘thump’ against his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and receive virtual kisses in return? Or a hug. I'm down for either.


	3. Asleep or Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank sees something the other guys don't

Frank spent the rest of the weekend thinking about the two brothers and his own sister, his mind wondering what could have possibly happened to make Mikey want to kill himself. As Monday came, he wandered around looking for Ray and Bob, determined to ask them something.

“Bob! Ray!” He yelled out in the crowded hallway when he spotted them. They stopped walking and turned around to face him.

“Hey, Frank. What’s up?” Ray asked. Bob stayed silent as he waited for Frank to explain.

“I wanted to know if you guys have pictures of Mikey and Gerard that I could look at?” He asked almost hesitantly. His curiosity was getting the best of him and he needed to know why Mikey did what he did. But, more than that, he wanted to be Gerard’s friend.

“Why do you need to see those?” Bob asked. When Frank couldn’t answer, Bob and Ray exchanged looks and came to their conclusion.

"All right. Meet us outside the school gate after school. Ray is the one with the pictures.” Frank nodded and waved bye to them as the bell for fifth period rang. He hadn’t seen Gerard too much, but it was fine to Frank because he wanted to keep his distance from him for a while. Until he had it all figured out.

“Are you ready to go?” Ray asked him as they approached him after school. He nodded, feeling slightly nervous as he followed after them. On the drive to Ray’s house, he noticed Bob eyeing him through the mirror. Frank could tell that his presence wasn’t accepted by the gruff looking male. He’d infiltrated his group of friends and something private to them because he was “curious,” and he could understand how bad that looked. The character he couldn’t quite place was Ray. He seemed like the emotional, down to earth, yet mysterious type. Like he knew something the others didn’t and that slightly bothered him.

“All right, here’s my home. Let’s go inside. My dad gets home in a couple of hours and he doesn’t know you, so you can’t stay for that long. Sorry,” Ray explained.

“No, I understand,” Frank responded. They exited the car and Frank followed after them, his body full of adrenaline. He stood awkwardly in the living where they told him to wait until they came back with a box of photo albums.

“Feel free to look at them all.”

“I really appreciate this, you guys, really,” Frank responded as he flipped through the first album. All he looked at was Mikey’s face.

“He looked so happy. I can’t see the part of him that wanted to leave,” he told the guys, looking up at them.

“We couldn’t either. That’s what kills Gerard the most,” Ray said, “they did everything together and talked all the time. You never saw one without the other, because they were so close.” Frank nodded.

“Maybe it’s because you were all so close to him that you couldn't see. That he couldn’t allow you to see.”

“What do you know about it, huh, Frank?” Bob growled at him. Frank looked up in surprise before giving a sad smile.

“My real dad, he killed himself. My mother and I never knew. I like to think it was because we were too close to him to see it. That’s what I know about it.” Then he continued looking at the pictures. He flipped through all of them until he got to the very last picture in the last album. It was of Gerard and Mikey. They were smiling and hugging each other with their heads pressed together from the side. They looked truly happy. Gerard especially, Frank thought.

“Can I keep this one?” He decided to ask. He saw another copy of it right next to it. He wanted to keep the picture as a goal. Maybe he could get Gerard to smile almost as much as this one day.

“Well, that’s a bit weird, little dude, but I guess,” Ray said after giving Bob a look.

Frank was too happy to even get offended at what Ray called him. He thanked them, told them he would see them tomorrow, and left. His walk home was short, yet satisfying, because he didn’t realize that Ray live about three blocks from him. He was happy to be home so he could get a better look at the picture he was given. He ran up to his room and sat at his study desk. He stared at the pictured for a moment before getting on his computer. He typed his name in the search bar. Mikey Way Belleville, NJ and clicked entered.

A few links popped up. One of his obituary, others of pages on the school website. Frank decided the school website would be easier. He read aloud as his eyes scanned the page.

_“In Memory of Michael James Way._

_On Tuesday, February 14 2013 the community suffered a great loss. A young man, who had his whole life ahead of him, was taken away too soon. Counseling will be offered to anyone who needs to talk to someone. Services for Michael Way will be held in the local town church at 10 am. Rest in peace.”_

Frank continued scrolling down, finding many pictures of the young man. Some from when he was a baby up to his last year on earth. He was always with someone, Frank thought. Until he came to pictures that showed Mikey by himself at what looked like behind the school. He squinted down at the corner of the pictures to see who they were credited to. Melina Abernathy. He quickly opened up his Facebook, something he hadn’t been on in few weeks, and looked her up.

“Oh. Him,” Frank corrected himself as his profile popped up. He sent him a message:

Frank Iero: _Hey, I saw that you took pictures of Mikey Way. I’m doing a little bit of research on him and would like to know if you could send me every picture you have of him?_

He got up to get coffee, thinking it was going to be a while, when he heard a pop. He looked back at his screen and saw Melina sent a message back.

Melina Abernathy: _Sure, no problem! Weird, though, because another person asked me for them a few months ago._

After sending over almost twenty photos, Frank realizes what he said.

“That’s weird.”

Frank Iero: _If you don’t mind me asking, who was it? I would like to ask them something about my research as well._

Melina Abernathy: _Ray Toro._

“What? Ray?” Frank questioned aloud. He pushed Ray to the back of his head. And sent back a thanks before logging off and looking over the pictures. He clicked through every single picture sent to him. Mikey was still smiling until he notices that Melina took a couple of pictures before he made himself known to Mikey that he was there.

And there it was.

Mikey sat against the wall, he was leaned over with his elbows resting on his knees. He had a troubled expression on his face. Frank didn’t know Mikey, but that was for the best. Now, he could see past the smile he always had and see that he was troubled by something nobody would ever know. Suddenly Ray popped back into Frank’s head and it clicked.

“He figured it out, too.” Frank pulled out his thumb drive and plugged it in, saving the pictures and then starts making his way to the photo center down the road. He knew, tomorrow, he would have to talk to Ray.

And show Gerard this wasn’t his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback much appreciated and wanted <3  
> Let me know how you liked this chapter, if you did :)


	4. I Wanna Do What's Right By You

Frank stood in front of the school doors. The pictures he’s been dying to show Gerard was residing in his jacket pocket. He finds, now that he’s here, he’s really nervous about how Gerard will react. Will he be angry that he went snooping around in his personal life? And about something so emotionally scarring?

“Should I do this?” He whispered to himself.

“Frank? Are you gonna go inside?” He turned and saw the person he was needing to talk to.

“Where’s Bob?” Frank asked.

“Oh, he’s out sick today. Are you okay? You look really pale. Do you need to sit down?” Ray asked as he put his hand on his elbow. Frank shook his head.

“No, but I need to talk to you, Ray.” Ray gave him a look of confusion before nodding for him to continue. Frank took a deep breath, and gripped the pictures tighter in his pocket, making sure they were there despite the fact that he had been holding them his entire time.

“You figured it out, too, didn’t you?”

“Um, figured what out?” Frank takes the last picture from the stack out of his pocket, already knowing where it was. He held the picture up to Ray. There was a long pause before he sighed sadly.

“You didn’t show Gerard, did you?” He asked. Frank shook his head, causing Ray to sigh in relief.

“No, but I think he should know.”

“It would destroy him. He would think it’s his fault,” Ray explained. Frank hated hearing those words. They held no comfort. Knowing that his father killed himself and he couldn’t do anything about it, it already made him feel it was his fault. Even if he knew it wasn’t. His dad was battling some demons and, in the end, it’s hard to say who really won. Maybe in order to get rid of them, his father had to sacrifice his life and his own family’s happiness. Frank was left with nothing but the emptiness his father should have filled with spending time with him and he left Frank’s mother with the title of “Wife of the Man Who Killed Himself.” Frank shook his thoughts out of the way and focused, once again, on the conversation at hand.

“He already thinks it’s his fault. Only this time, he could see that absolutely no one knew! Ray, not even the guy who took these pictures knew what it meant,” he explained. This whole time, Frank was thinking that he wanted to be friends with Gerard, but maybe what this feeling inside of him, tearing him up, was only because he wanted to help Gerard realize that it wasn’t his fault. Frank didn’t want to older male to end up like him. _‘After all of this, I’ll leave Gerard alone. After I know he’s okay… I’ll get out of his life. As long as he knows that this really wasn’t his fault,’_ Frank thought to himself.

“Okay, Frank. I understand,” Ray said, “But after school. Gerard is actually pretty emotional.”

“I know. If he wasn’t, then he would be okay about his brother,” Frank explained. Ray offered him a sad smile as he held the school door open for Frank.

“Thank you,” he responded as he walked inside.

“No problem. I’ll see you after school, all right?” Ray waved as he walked away.

“Yeah. See you.” Frank said. He felt someone looming behind him, causing him to turn around quickly.

“Hey, Gerard,” his voice shook. Gerard glared down at him before looking up at Ray’s fading figure in the hallway. ‘ _Had he heard anything?_ ’ Frank opened his mouth to ask him if he had, but before he could even make a single sound, Gerard walked around him and away. Frank stared nervously at his back.

Frank wandered around the school grounds until the first bell rang. His heart, once again, pounding in his chest. Had Gerard heard what he and Ray were talking about? If he had, he’d surely comment on it, after all, it was his brother they were talking about.

School passed by in a flash, and before Frank knew it, school had just ended. He took a deep breath as he went looking for Ray.

“Frank, sorry. You’ll have to do this without me. I just got a call from my mom, and some serious family things are going on. I’m sorry,” Ray told Frank as he ran passed him, pulling his car keys out of his pocket.

“Ray-!” Frank tried, but his voice was gone by the time Ray was out the door. Okay, he thought, he’d be doing this on his own. He took a few deep breaths as he went to the tree he knew Gerard would be at. He took the pictures out of his pocket as he came closer to Gerard. Once he was within range, he called out to the boy.

“G-Gerard!” He called, his voice breaking. The red haired boy looking up from his sketch and toward Frank.

“I need to show you something, okay? Please don’t ignore me,” Frank said as he came to a complete stop in front of Gerard. He only received a curt nod in response. Frank pulled the pictures out of his pocket and held them out to Gerard.

“Look at these.” Gerard stood, taking hold of the pictures and glancing at them.

“I’ve already seen these.”

“Not all of them. Just look at them, please?” Gerard sighed and flipped through the pictures.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is, but this is too far. Don’t get involved in my life or Ray and Bob’s. We’ve all been through enough.”

“Look at all of them,” Frank said, holding back his tears. He didn’t understand why he felt like crying. Probably because he would have loved for someone to do for him what he was doing for Gerard. But he never got that. All he got was everyone’s look of pity and empty condolences from people he didn’t even know, and it eventually got to the point where every ‘sorry' he heard from people meant absolutely nothing. He snapped back to reality as he watched Gerard get closer and closer to the last picture.

“You wouldn’t understand how I feel anyways, so just back off.” As Gerard said that, something snapped in Frank.

“Oh, I know how you feel, all right?” He said through gritted teeth. He didn’t understand people sometimes. Everyone is fighting some type of battle. Some people hurt more, some hurt less, and some people hurt just as much as you. It may not be because of the exact same reasons, but the fact is that something is filling up their heart with hurt and no one else has the right to make it some sort of competition.

“Yeah, okay. You didn’t know Mikey like I did.”

“Exactly.” Frank answered as he Gerard made it to the picture. Gerard froze, letting the other pictures fall to the ground. He clutched onto the picture of his younger brother as tears trailed down his face.

“Oh, God!” He screamed, dropping to his knees. “Oh, Mikey! Why didn’t you talk to me?! We told each other everything! Why would you do this to us? What was hurting you so fucking much you had to- Fuck!” He screamed at the ground. The pictures was now completely balled up in Gerard’s fist, hiding the look of sadness on his brother’s face from him. Suddenly, he felt arms around him.

“It’s not your fault, Gerard,” Frank whispered in his ear. Gerard’s sobs soon turning into hiccups and shaking. He allowed himself to hug Frank back, closing his eyes tight enough to try and imagine it was Mikey. But it didn’t work. All he felt was this boy hugging him. The boy who took a beating for him and even though he never said thank you, he still tried to be his friend, never getting offended when he blew him off in the rudest ways.

He supposed he could trust Frank now. After all, he was the first person to try this hard to show him Mikey’s death truly wasn’t his fault. He sighed in relief, almost. A weight was lifted off his shoulders, but he knew that the grieving process wasn’t this easy. But he could make it. If he had at least one friend willing to stay by his side.

After a while, the two stood up and gave each a small smile.

“Thank you, Frank. Really. I’m going to show this picture to my parents tonight,” Gerard says, causing Frank to worry how that will go. He wants to ask if he was needed for that, but it wasn’t his family and he had intervened enough. As a result, Frank gave Gerard a sad smile and waved as Gerard turned and walked away, leaving Frank to watch his back. Just as Frank was going to turn and walk his own way, he noticed Gerard turn around and give him a smile. Frank smiled back, but more to himself and he turned and walked away.

“Mom, John, let’s have a family night!” Frank yelled excitedly as he bursts through the front door of his home. His mom and step dad were in the kitchen talking.

“A family night? What do you want to do, kiddo?” John asked him. Frank smiled more.

“All right, I was thinking we could watch a movie of our choice, play some board games, and eat some junk food, you know? C’mon, you guys! Family is important,” Frank said excitedly. His face was hurting because he was smiling too much.

“Frank, are you okay?” His mom asked. He was confused. He just wanted family time. He needed to spend as much time with them as possible because they won’t always be here. Don’t they understand that?! His mom walked up to him and wiped her finger across his cheek before holding her finger up for him to look at. It was wet. He put his hands on his face and touched his cheeks.

_What? I’m crying? Why?_

His smile broke and he finally cried on his mom’s shoulder. It took him five years to finally cry about his dad being gone. And, he noted, it felt great.

“I know, Frankie. I know. I miss him, too. It’s okay. Cry,” his mom soothed him. After a few minutes, Frank calmed down and washed his face in the kitchen sink. He felt a hand on his shoulder as he was drying himself off.

“Come on. Let’s have that family night,” John said as he smiled at him. Frank smiled back and his family spent the rest of their night laughing at silly jokes and movies and even more so when Frank accused John of cheating at Candyland.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter what's happened, never blame yourself. Things happen certain ways for a reason <3


	5. Disenchanted

Frank woke up the next morning feeling strangely relieved. There was a weight off of his shoulders and he couldn’t tell whether or not if from helping Gerard or crying about his dad. Maybe both. Either way, he slightly felt like a new person.

His walk to school was decent, the only thing his eyes were missing was the little head of red hair he’d have to run to catch up to.

‘I wonder if he’s already there.’ He asked himself. The rest of the walk, he kept his eyes and ears open. He knew it was odd, but all Frank really wanted to know was if Gerard could possibly smile again. After that, he’d leave because he had too many anger problems and struggles with depression that he was too toxic for the fragile man, he concluded. Frank really wanted to be Gerard’s friend, but not if it was going to hurt Gerard’s emotional stability. He let out a long, over exaggerated sigh as he entered the school. He still hadn’t seen the older male, and it concerned him. Then he thought that maybe he was just late. It happens to everyone, and after what happened yesterday, it was understandable.

“Frank, hey, man. Again, sorry about yesterday, but how did it go?” Frank snapped out of his thoughts and finally saw Ray standing in front of him. But something was different about him today, and it was that he had a black eye and busted lip.

“Ray, what the fuck happened to you? Who did that? Tell me,” Frank demanded. Ray looked at him, surprised, and, honestly, Frank was surprised himself. But Ray and Bob were the only real friends left in his life and he couldn’t have them hurt whenever Gerard started conversing with them once again.

“Don’t worry about it, Frank. The door and I just had a little disagreement,” he laughed. Frank didn’t believe him, but decided not to say anything more. Ray would tell him if he wanted to, he understood that. “Anyway, back to Gerard. What happened?”

“Well, he went a little hysterical once he saw the picture. Before that, he was saying that I needed to butt out, and that I didn’t understand what it felt like,” Frank laughed bitterly, “but after he saw the picture, I hugged him. And, to my surprise, he hugged him back. Really tight.”

“Wow, he’s never hugged anyone but Mikey. You mean something to him, Frank. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but don’t fuck up. You made the choice to get involved with his life and his troubles. You can’t leave him, because he trusts you now,” Ray explained to the shorter male. In a way, Frank sighed in relief. He really didn’t want to leave, and knowing that he had a couple of people who would kick his ass if he tried to leave Gerard, persuaded him to stay. Especially considering how much bigger both Ray and Bob were compared to Frank, it made him shiver with fear of what they could do to him.

“I won’t leave him, Ray. I won’t,” Frank answered. The determination in his own voice shocked him. It was as if his mind made one decision and his heart made the final one. He was going to stay by Gerard’s side until he no longer needed him. Until he could stand on his own feet, and until he told Frank that he was okay and that he could do this on his own.

Ray patted Frank’s shoulder, giving him a grateful smile.

“I’ll see you around, all right, man?” Ray said as he gave him a wave, walking away.

“Yeah, see you,” Frank said, watching him walk away for a moment, before turning the other way and heading to his first class just as the bell rang. The rest of the day, his eyes searched for Gerard and every time the bell rang for the next class period, his heart sank to his feet, making it harder for him to walk. He became sluggish, and he didn’t know why.

“I just hope he’s okay…” he whispers to himself. He panics by the end of the day when Gerard wasn’t even late. He just wasn’t there. It made him think that maybe he or his parents pushed him to be like Mikey, and his heart starts pounding in his chest. The tightness in his throat become unbearable and he feels like puking, but he wouldn’t. His stomach drops and aches in a twisting pain he hadn’t felt since he found his father laying in a pool of his own blood in the tub, gun hanging loosely from his hand.

“No, no, stop it, Frank!” He whispers to himself. He needed to have more faith in Gerard. He wouldn’t just up and leave… right? I mean, he wouldn’t leave his parents behind, would he? Frank’s breathing became harder and heavier.

“One,” he takes a deep breath.

“Two,” another deep breath.

“Three,” another deep breath. His heart rate slows and his breathing goes back to normal.

“I need to have more faith in Gerard,” he mumbles to himself. He walks a different path home that day and stops at the park. He tosses his backpack down as he takes a seat on the swing, pushing himself back and forth. He stays like that for a while, staring up at the clouds and watching as they came closer and then got further. Much like Gerard. He was so close and yet so far.

“Frank?” He heard someone say from behind him. He turned and saw the person he’d been dying to see all day.

“Gerard!” He exclaimed as he jumped to him feet.

“I saw you walking this way. I’m, um, sorry I wasn’t at school. My parents didn’t take the picture well and-“ his voice cracked and Frank put him hand on his back and soothed him softly.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard said. Frank was confused, but then he realized he was talking to Mikey. Not Frank, so he said nothing in return. They stood there for a few moments with Frank’s hand on Gerard’s back and just embraced the silence. Suddenly, Gerard turned around to face Frank and hugged him tightly.

“I’m sorry…” Gerard whispered. “I just need… to feel something, someone. I’m sorry for using you.” Frank shook his head.

“You aren’t using me. You just need a friend. Everyone does. And I’m going to be yours if I’m not already,” he answers. Gerard smiles against Frank’s shoulder.

He would never admit this out loud, but he was glad Frank was the one there to hold him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please? <3


	6. Standing Outside of Your Figurative Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible trigger warning: Death description. I'll put a warning just before the paragraph. Powerful imagery.

The day Gerard came home with the picture clutched in his hand, he was determined to get his family back together.

“Mother, father,” he called out. They were both in the kitchen, which Gerard found surprising, but decided to be grateful.

They looked at him, waiting for him to explain. He took a deep breath before taking a step toward the counter and setting the picture down on it. His parents peered over at it.

“What’s the meaning of this, Gerard?” His mother snapped.

“It wasn’t your fault. You can talk to each other now! You can talk to me again!” He explained.

“Is that what this is about? You’re looking for attention?!” His mother screamed. Gerard couldn’t hold it in. He couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Whenever you lose a child that way, you’re supposed to take better care of the other! Not drive them to do the same!” He screamed. His mother raised her hand to hit him, but his father beat her to it by punching him in the face.

“Shut your mouth! Go to your room!” His father yelled. Gerard held his nose, blood pouring seeping through his fingers. He stood up, giving them a sad look.

“He was my brother, you know. We spent nearly every second together. I took care of him while you two were busy not paying us any attention. We talked about everything, but I was finally shown that it wasn’t my fault,” he spat out. They said nothing as he made his way back up to his room. As soon as he slammed his door shut, he heard things breaking and his parents practically screaming at each other. He sighed and walked into his bathroom and washed the blood off of his hand. After gently washing his nose, he concluded that it wasn’t broken. It wouldn’t be bruised either. The shock and fall hurt more than the actual hit itself.

He walked back into his room and sat in his bed. His home life had gotten worse ever since he screamed for his parents after finding his brother. The image would never leave. He grabbed his sketchbook and began to draw the image that wouldn't leave him alone.

-Possible trigger warning-

He started with the rope and the top of his brother’s head. The memory was so fresh in his mind even though it happened almost 8 months since it happened. Next, he started with Mikey’s facial expression. He could still see the dried tears staining his cheeks, his mouth hanging open, saliva dripping down to his shirt. His eyes were wide open and bloodshot. His head was leaning to one side, facing the direction of the door, the pain and shock still evident on his face. His body slumped and slightly swinging, and, at his feet, a small stool knocked over.  
\---

 

By the time Gerard was done drawing his brother, he was crying himself; his tears staining his drawing as they did every time. He looked over at Mikey’s bed as he laid down on his own. He imagined their last conversations.

_“Hey, Gee?” He heard his brother’s small voice reach him just before he drifted off to sleep. He forced himself to turn around in his bed to face his brother._

_“Yeah?” He watched his brother smile at him, causing him to smile in return. His younger brother was always smiling. It was contagious._

_“I’m in love.” Gerard stared at him in shock._

_“What? Really? Who’s the lucky girl?” He could have sworn he saw him frown, but his brother was still smiling._

_“Not telling!” Mikey sang out. “But I’m going to ask ‘em out tomorrow!” He exclaimed excitedly. Gerard chuckled._

_“I’m more than positive she’ll say yes!” He said as he looked over at his brother. Mikey still had a smile on his face, but it looked bittersweet, Gerard thought._

_He wished his brother luck just as he drifted off to sleep._

_The next day, he asked Mikey about it._

_“So what did she say?”_

_“Oh, it was a no, but I’ll keep trying!” Mikey cheered. The rest of the walk was in silence until they spotted Ray and Bob. Gerard was about to call over to their longtime friends until they saw Ray lean in and kiss Bob. Shocked, Gerard pulled Mikey to keep walking. They never spoke of what they saw and the rest of the night went normally with Mikey making jokes funny enough to make Gerard almost pee his pants._

_Later that night, he felt Mikey slip under the blankets next to him and hug him tightly._

_“I love you, Gerard. You’re the best brother and friend ever,” his younger brother whispered to him. Gerard smiled and hugged him close._

_“I love you, too, Mikey. You’re my best friend and nothing will change that.” They fell asleep hugging._

That was their last night together. Gerard, at first, thought it was the girl he was talking to, but she wasn’t in their school after he’d done a lot of searching. He eventually gave up when it became clear he wasn’t going to find her and it wouldn’t matter if he did. He doubted it was her fault anyway. It wasn’t anyone’s. Frank had showed him that.

Frank. Although he was still weary of him, he was thankful of all his efforts. Most people would’ve given up a long time ago, which he understood was his fault. He pushed away all of his friends just so he could be alone. Just in case one of them decided to leave him, so it wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t want to hurt like that again.

And even though Frank had hurt him, it was for his own good, so he wouldn’t hurt like that in the future.

Before Gerard knew it, it was already the next day. He’d had trouble sleeping without his brother next to him since he left. He spent all of his time at night finishing homework, studying even (despite his failing grades, he was very smart. He just had no more motivation), reading whatever books he could find, and watching movies. He avoided drawing because night was when he saw Mikey the most.

He woke up around 4:30 in afternoon, unaware that he’d even fallen asleep and disappointed he’d missed the movie.

He decided to go for a walk, just to not think and go wherever his feet took him. They ended up taking him to the park.

And that’s when he saw Frank.

He was swinging lightly on the swing, staring up at the sky.

“Frank?” He said as he came closer. The look on the younger man’s face caused Gerard to feel a little guilty about missing school.

But not as guilty as he felt about clinging to the front of Frank’s shirt for comfort. Gerard realized right then that Frank was his friend.

But he’d never say it out loud, or Frank could leave him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback very much appreciated! <3


	7. Weighted

Even though Gerard didn’t come to school for the next couple of days, Frank felt reassured. He knew the older male was all right, yet, each day, he still went back to the park in hopes of seeing him again, but he never showed.

Frank’s mind had been on the hug since it happened. It was something that, he realized, was intimate for Gerard. Personal. But whenever he clung to Frank the way he did, Frank couldn’t help but think he belonged there. He always wanted to Protect Gerard; it felt like second nature to him. Within a week, he’d developed an abnormal, yet welcome, attachment to Gerard.

He began to analyze his feelings. It was possible that he felt an unbreakable bond because they had something in common: they were both sad stories. There only difference was that Frank understood he wouldn’t always be one. He was determined to move passed those empty spaces in his heart.

He still hadn’t told Gerard of his father, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the fragile man; it was that Gerard was a person who knew nothing of any of that. He didn’t know him as the son of the father who killed himself and it was a refreshing feeling.

He’d been spacing out a lot lately and it wasn’t doing his grades any good. He still needed to do well in school and after knowing that Gerard probably wouldn’t been in school again, he spent his lunch time doing extra credit. He did the same after school, not leaving the building until five in the afternoon. He took the long way around the school, wanting to sit at the tree Gerard normally sat at during lunch period and that was when he saw the red-haired boy sitting. Without thinking, he ran towards him, stopping only a few feet away.

“Gerard? What are you doing here?” He asked. Gerard looked up from his book. Another one? Frank asked himself. Gerard’s mood slightly brightened at the sight of his new friend, but he felt awkward feeling the way he did.

“I’ve been here since lunch,” he spoke softly. Frank took a seat beside him, smiling shyly. He was happy to finally see Gerard again.

“Ah,” he said, “I was doing extra credit. I just got done doing some more.” Gerard nodded thoughtfully. They sat in silence for a while before Frank stood.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked. Gerard nodded before getting up himself.

“So how did you like Beautiful Creatures?”

“I thought it was very well written. I found it very addicting. I would really like to read the others,” he explained.

“I have book two and three, if you want to borrow them?”

“Yeah, sure. I would really like that,” Gerard answered.

“We’ll stop by my house and get them, if you’re okay with that?” Gerard nodded. At least he’d have something to do tonight. They walked to Frank’s house in silence, much to Gerard’s surprise. He thought Frank wouldn’t be able to shut up.

“All right. There’s my house,” Frank said as he pointed. Gerard took in the sight of his home. It surprised him because he was expecting something extravagant. He didn’t know why. They walked inside and were immediately greeted with Frank’s mom.

“Oh, hello,” she said as she smiled at Gerard.

“Mom, this is my friend, Gerard,” Frank explained.

“Hello, Gerard. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Linda.” Gerard smiled slightly and shook her hand. It was then that he noticed her pregnant stomach.

“It’s nice to meet you, too…” he said almost sadly. After Mikey left, he somehow found it weird and hurtful that people were still being born and they were all going to be able to grow up and live out their lives for the most part while his brother was in the ground, six feet under them. He found himself upset that Frank’s mother was pregnant and he was even more upset with himself that he was upset by that in the first place. It was wrong of him to think so, but he just couldn’t help it.

“We’re going up to my room. Love you, mama!” Frank said before kissing her cheek and pulling Gerard up the stairs. Along the walls to his room, Gerard noticed family pictures. He and his mother were hugging each other closely while another man, whom he assumed to be Frank’s father, looked at them with love. It was a goofy family picture and Gerard liked the happiness coming from it.

“Is that your dad?” He found himself asking. Frank froze for a moment and looked at the picture before smiling.

“Yeah, that’s him. Silly guy, I’ll tell you,” he laughed and they continued their way.

“Is he home? It would be rude of me not to introduce myself while being in his home.” It was true. Even though his parents never paid much attention, he had manners.

“No, he’s not home,” Frank answered almost nervously. Gerard nodded as he set his backpack down on Frank’s bed.

“The books are over here,” he said as he waved him over. Gerard came next to him and squatted down to get a closer look. He found many other the book he had read, quickly becoming impressed. Next to the books was another shelf containing nothing but movies. He scanned through them, seeing many he had seen and many more he had not. He was impressed, to say the least. Frank had a unique taste in both books and movies and he was suddenly much more grateful that he decided to approach him. He turned to look at Frank, who was giving him a sweet smile.

“What?” He asked.

“You look happy,” was all he said. Gerard started feeling bad, trying to go back to his regular poker face, but Frank put his hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t feel bad. It’s okay to smile or feel happy, even if it’s only sometimes, you know?” he said. Gerard suddenly wanted to hug the younger male once more but refrained from doing so, after all, the only person he was more than happy to hug was his brother. Then again, hugging Frank wasn’t exactly a bad thing. He felt okay when hugging him. Safe. Like maybe his brother sent Frank to him. Maybe it was why Frank was so involved in his life. Maybe that was how Frank knew so much about how he was feeling. Maybe Mikey was reincarnated. He shook his head slightly, feeling like an idiot. He’d never believed in those things. He was only trying to make himself feel better.

Frank stood there watching Gerard, seeing his eternal conflict. But he knew what he wanted to do, it was just something he sensed. He raised his arms, opening them to the man standing before him. Gerard gave him an almost grateful look before walking closer to him and leaning against him. After a while, he’d felt Gerard put his hands on his sides, holding him there. It was a simple hug that only lasted a few seconds to a minute, but it was life saving for Gerard.

He’d have to thank Frank one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but comment and let me know if you like it? :))


	8. Sing

Gerard and Frank stayed inside Frank's room until Frank's mother called them for dinner.

"Did you wanna have dinner with us?" Gerard suddenly felt nervous. He hadn't sat down for dinner since the night before Mikey died. That feeling and yearning were both foreign to him. Frank put his hand on the older male's shoulder and gave him a small smile.

"We don't have to eat with them, you know. We can always come back in here. I don't want you to feel pressured." Gerard shook his head.

"I'm not taking you away from your family. Um, sure. I'd love to join you guys," he spoke uneasily. Frank gave him a thankful smile and they walked downstairs together. Gerard instantly noticed that the man sitting at the table holding his mother's hand was not that same man in the pictures. 'They must be divorced,' he thought, brushing it off.

"Hey there. You must be Gerard! I’m John. Come on, son, have a seat. My wife here cooks very well!” He said as he gave a laugh. Gerard stuck his hand out, shaking John’s hand before sitting down across from Frank’s mother.

“So how was school, boys?” Linda asked. Gerard looked up at her shocked, before covering his face to let a few tears out. Gerard thought she sounded so caring, so loving. Something his parents really weren’t. He had a mother and, apparently, a step-father who loved him dearly. He couldn’t ruin Frank with emotional instability. The family was silent for a while, Frank’s parents tempting to ask what was wrong before Frank shook his head and mouthed that he would explain later.

“It was good, you guys. I did some extra credit, didn’t really make any new friends today. All in all, school wasn’t really something to write home about,” Frank said, laughing. His parents smiled dearly at him and carried on a conversation, avoiding making the older male feel awkward. Frank put his hand on Gerard’s under the table and squeezed. He wasn’t expecting Gerard to squeeze back, but it wasn’t unwelcome.

“To answer your question, it’s the same as Frank’s. Nothing to write home about,” he smiled a bit. Frank’s parents smiled back and they continued to eat dinner, Gerard barely stopping to take a breath. Frank and his parents were shocked because Gerard was so skinny.

“I’m glad you like my cooking, dear,” Linda said. Gerard looked up at her as he was putting another spoonful of mashed potatoes in his mouth. His face became a dark shade of red and he nodded, swallowing what food he already had in his mouth.

“Sorry. I normally have decent table manners… It’s just been so long since I’ve had a home-cooked meal.”

“Your mother doesn’t cook for you?” John asked before Frank could stop him. Gerard smiled at Frank.

“No, it’s okay. Um, my parents and I haven’t had the best relationship and it only got worse after my brother killed himself earlier this year,” Gerard explained. Frank was shocked he opened that information up to them. Under the table, Gerard squeezed his hand so tight, he felt his circulation being cut off. Gerard was nervous, he could tell, but if he needed to talk about it, he wasn’t going to stop him. After all, everyone has a breaking point of silence.

Frank’s mother gasped and she reached across the table to put her hand atop Gerard’s, giving it a slight squeeze.

“You poor thing. Tell you what, how about you come over any time you feel yourself craving a meal. Even if it’s every day, you’re absolutely welcome to join us at this table,” she offered.

 

“No, I couldn’t impose on your family time,” Gerard said, shaking his head but smiling at the offer.

“Let me tell you something, son, and I hope you don’t mind my saying, Frank,” John piped in, “But Frank has never brought a friend home from school. At least not since I’ve been here, so he thinks very highly of you. He feels very adamant about family, so he really doesn’t bring someone he doesn’t trust around here.” Gerard looked over at Frank, who was giving him a shy smile.

“Okay. Nice home cooked meal anytime sounds great. Thank you.” Gerard’s eyes watered again, and this time, instead of holding his hand tighter, Frank hugged him tightly.

“Groooooup huuuuuug!” He yelled loudly, causing the other two family members to get up and hug Gerard as well. “Group hug” wasn’t something Frank used often. It was something he got from his dad. Anytime someone in their family felt upset in any way, he or his father would yell group hug loud enough to be heard throughout the whole house and everyone in there would come rushing to hug everyone. Frank got his “family-time” side from his dad, which he found very ironic, but enjoyed it nonetheless.

Frank looked down at Gerard and noticed him laughing and crying. He wasn’t worried about his tears being sad this time, because he knew they weren’t.

After dinner, they returned to Frank’s room and put on a crappy horror movie to play in the background of what they were really doing: reading.

“Hey, so where’s your dad?” Gerard asked. Frank froze. He was hoping to keep his dad out of his conversations for a long time, but he knew it wouldn’t be fair to ignore Gerard’s questioning seeing as how he basically kicked Gerard’s door that he’d chained up and dragged him out of his comfort zone.

“He’s not around anymore, really,” he answered, still somewhat hoping to avoid the why, but if he knew something about Gerard is that he was a closet curious cat.

“Divorce?” He questioned further. Frank shook his head as he put his book down. Gerard did the same and watched as Frank crawled over to his cabinet and pulled out a photo. He held it up to Gerard.

“This is the last picture my dad and I took together before he killed himself,” he explained. Gerard stared up at him and suddenly thought back to the time when he told Frank he didn’t understand losing someone in that way. He felt horrible. He lost his brother, and that was terrible, but Frank lost his dad... and it suddenly made him wonder how a parent could do that to their kid. He’d never had a close bond with his parents, but he would still be upset if one of them decided to kill themselves. He’d wonder if it were his fault and if it wasn’t, he would wonder why he couldn't make them happy enough to stay.

Frank saw Gerard’s emotions change right in front of him. He saw his eyes grow wide in shock, squint in sadness, grow bolder with anger, and then soften to sadness. He finally looked up from the picture to Frank.

“I’m sor-“

“Don’t!” Frank nearly yelled. “Please don’t say those words to me. I know you mean it, but you should know that after it’s said so many times… it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Honestly, I didn’t want you to know about my dad, because I’d always been known as “Frank, the Boy Whose Father Killed Himself,” but with you, I was only Frank. I know it was wrong to think that way, but I got tired of getting those sympathetic looks, I was tired of the teachers going easy on me when I knew I could easily answer all those questions correctly, I was tired of people becoming my friend for the sole purpose of not really wanting to become my friend but so that just in case I killed myself, too, they could say they tried and didn’t ignore me,” by the end of his ramble, Frank was in tears himself. “But with you, Gerard, you gave me glares, you didn’t know about my dad and I loved that, _I_ had to be the one to claw _your_ walls down instead of the other way around. I could help you and show you it wasn’t your fault before you ended up like me, an emotional fucking wreck with anger issues who doesn’t appreciate the good shit in life,” he sobbed. Frank let himself go in that moment, knowing Gerard would either beat the shit out of him or just leave and never speak to him again.

Gerard let all the information sink in, before grabbing the sobbing boy by the arm and pulling him towards him. He held Frank in the same way he’d held him. Frank had been alone for so long with false friends and had reached out to Gerard to ensure that he knew someone truly cared. Gerard wished he’d known him longer so he could have helped him. Maybe Mikey would have, too, Gerard thought. Maybe Mikey could have seen what the aftermath of a suicide does to the people around the person, but that was selfish thinking. He wished he could bring Frank’s dad back as much as Frank wished he could bring Mikey back. But life didn’t work that way.

It was unfair. Cruel. Vengeful.

Mikey was gone and no amount of wishing on anyone’s part could bring him back. For 9 months, he’d been keeping everything bottled up, not even showing any sign of happiness until recently. But Frank was always smiling, always laughing, understanding, and he was the one who could truly bottle things up. Frank was strong, but he couldn’t be strong forever. The boy crying in Gerard’s arm was no longer sixteen years old, but rather eleven all over again.

Frank was the person Gerard needed the most.

Gerard now knew this, but he didn’t realize Frank needed him way more.

More than Gerard would ever need him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback? :))
> 
> Eventually, the chapters to this story will get longer.  
> This was also a time during which I was depressed, so my chapters really reflect on that, but I hope you all still enjoy them <3


	9. Even Heroes Get the Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During my time writing this and the next chapters after, my bad feelings started slipping into me again, so I apologize in advance if it is noticeable throughout my writing. One day, I will go back and revise this and make it better because all of you deserve the very best.
> 
> Much love,  
> -CL

“I’m not mad at you, Frank,” Gerard said as he held him tighter. Frank’s crying had ceased to occasional sniffling.

“Really?” He asked quietly. Gerard’s heart clenched at how small he sounded. Ever since he’d met Frank, his voice had always been so strong and confident, never like this.

“Really. I understand, but I should apologize about what I said about you not knowing how it felt,” Gerard murmured. Frank held onto him tighter.

“No, it’s okay. You didn’t know.” They finally pulled away from each other, sharing a small smile. Frank quickly noticed how close they were and subtlety pulled away from him.

“It may be bad timing, but I need to head home,” Gerard said as he stood gathering his things.

“I’ll walk you home,” Frank offered dismissing the sleep taking over him. All of his crying made him very tired.

“No, that’s okay. Get some rest,” he answered, very aware of Frank’s sleepiness. Frank walked him to the door after a brief ‘see you soon’ from his parents and a reminder of his welcome at their home.

“See you tomorrow,” Gerard told the younger male as he waved a goodbye and walked away. Just as Frank closed the door, he turned to see his mother and John smirking at him.

“What?” He questioned.

“We like him. We approve!” His mother beamed. Frank groaned.

“Oh, God, you guys. No. It’s not like that! We’re friends.” Frank pouted.

“Friends hold hands, dear?”

“They… can?” He hesitated in saying, trying to defend himself. His mother and John laughed, causing Frank to pout more.

“Okay, sweetie. If you say so!” His mother sang. He huffed, heading up to his room.

“Good night, mother, John!” He said, playfully bitter. As he got to his room, he stripped to his boxers and slipped into bed. He looked at the clock next to his bed.

7:45.

And he was already falling asleep.

He needed a good night’s rest anyways.

*

Gerard’s walk was short, considering Frank only lived a few blocks away from him. When he got inside, his parents were nowhere in insight, thankfully. He hadn’t seen them since their little talk a few days ago. He walked into his and Mikey’s room and laid on his bed after kicking his shoes off. He stared at the ceiling, thinking of his day. The highlight was definitely his visit to Frank’s house. After many months of isolating himself, it felt good to finally hang out with another human being, he admitted.

Frank certainly was an interesting character. He was understanding, full of smiles, laughter, and had an overall good aura around him. It was weird to see him so open. He knew, despite his outgoing nature, he was a very closed-off person. He talked a lot, he realized, but never about himself.

“What should I do tonight?” He asked himself aloud. He looked over to the books he borrowed from Frank and then back to his shelf full of movies.

“I’ll just lay here for a while then,” he mumbled, not being able to decide. Before he knew it, though, he was feeling sleepy and he was happy about that.

Maybe he’d get a good night’s sleep.

*

Frank awoke abruptly, feeling refreshed and hungry. Thinking back, he didn’t really eat his dinner feeling as nervous as he was. He makes his way downstairs and fixes himself a big bowl of cereal before taking a seat on the couch and switching on the television. He glanced at the clock next to the TV and saw it was ten until six am.

Flipping through the channels, he was Tom & Jerry on. He laughed sadly as he watched the two fight one another. He thought back to the times he would secretly stay up all night just to spend some father/son time with his dad, who woke up at six am every day except the weekends for work. He would put on a sleepy face and yawn as he walked in the kitchen as his dad made his coffee. His dad would ask him if he wanted to watch TV with him. He wasn’t a bad dad, but the fact that he left him and his mother in such a way made him very terrible. He loved his dad, but hated him at the same time. Despite his understanding nature, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to forgive him. If anything was sure, he’d forgive his father before forgiving God.

He knew it wasn’t his dad or God’s fault; his brain understood, but his heart didn’t accept it. He wasn’t sure it ever would.

He set his half-filled bowl of now soggy Frosted Flakes and stared at another episode of Tom & Jerry starting. He didn’t know how long he sat there. He didn’t feel his mother shaking him or the tears she was wiping from his face. He didn’t even feel any pain as everything began going black and his vision turned sideways. And that was good, he felt.

*

Gerard’s walk to school was silent. Even after he’d past the street where Frank was normally humming happily to himself, bouncing in his step, but he wasn’t.

Had he over slept?

He needed to give him his books back. After only having slept two hours, he awoke and decided to read the borrowed books. He’d finished both last night, reading the last page just as his alarm went off at five-fifty am. It was a reminder he had to snap away from his thoughts and get ready for the day.

He continued his walk, thinking maybe Frank’s mother or John had given him a lift. As he walked in the school, he quickly spotted Ray and Bob. He kept looking ahead, not wanting to look at them. He knew it he did, they’d see how much he missed them dearly. As he passed by, he heard Bob quietly tell Ray, “it’s okay. One day. One day.” His heart clenched in his chest, but he willed his feet to keep going. And they did. He missed his best friends, but he was too frightened to go back to them. What was he supposed to say anyways? He bit the inside of his cheek as hard as he could, and walked along.

By lunch time, Gerard was confused. He still hadn’t seen Frank and now he was actually concerned. ‘ _What if… What if he… Mikey…_ ’ He quickly moved to his feet and headed out the school gates. No one would notice him anyways, and that was good. He jogged down the same path he’d walked to school, and turned on Frank’s road. His housed looked the same, but the feeling in his gut knew otherwise. He walked up the steps and hesitantly knocked on the door. He waited and waited, but no answer. He looked to their driveway and saw two cars there, meaning everyone had to be home.

 _‘No! What if he… Frank, no! Please, not you, too…_ ’ He banged on the door this time, tears welling up in his eyes. Finally, John came to the door, a somber look on his face.

“Gerard, this isn’t really the best ti-“

“Where is he? Is he okay? I need to see him,” he said it so quickly, he didn’t think John could understand him, but when he stepped aside to let Gerard in, giving him a smile, he was fine again.

“His room,” was all he said before disappearing down a hall next to the stairs. Gerard slowly made his way up, somewhat afraid of what was wrong. He didn’t even know why he felt this way, for all he knew Frank was just sick. But the look on John’s face told him otherwise. He knocked on Frank’s door, but it was already open. He pushed it open and saw Frank laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Frank?” He asked quietly. No answer. He moved closer, practically standing over him and looked into his eyes. They looked almost lifeless. As if he were dead. Gerard put two fingers to his wrist to check his pulse and found it strong. He sighed in relief; he knew Frank was okay now.

“Frank?” he asked again, now sitting down on the bed. Frank was silent for a moment before he started sniffling, tears running down the corners of his eyes and into his hair. Frank opened his mouth and whispered something Gerard couldn’t quite hear. The older male leaned down closer, putting his ear right next to Frank’s mouth.

“What?” He asked.

“I’m _broken_ …” he whispered so lowly, so sadly, so feebly. Gerard covered his mouth with his hand, gasping inaudibly. He put his forehead on the pillow next to Frank’s head and let his tears slip out without a word. Going against everything he’d now made himself out to be, Gerard laid down next to the fragile boy and wrapped his arm around his waist, hugging him tightly.

“It’s okay,” he whispered in Frank’s ear. “I am, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some comments and let me know if you are all enjoying this? :))


	10. Headfirst For Halos

Gerard held Frank for what seemed like days before pulling away.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked Frank quietly. He looked at Frank and realized he was asleep. He sighed, trying to hold back a smile he felt creeping its way onto his face. He noted how peaceful the younger boy looked. Most of the time, he realized, he looked sort of tired. Despite the smiles and laughs, he always looked a little tired. Gerard looked over at the clock on Frank’s bedside table and saw it was already four in the afternoon, noting that he should probably take his leave. He made a move to get up, but Frank groaned causing him to pause his movement and look back at him. Frank’s eyes were open and they held a bit more life to them, and he was relieved.

“Hey, Gerard?” Frank asked.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. You didn’t have to come here and check on me, but you did. So, thank you,” He said smiling up at Gerard. The older male felt his cheeks heating up. The praise, he wasn’t used to it.

“I finished the books,” Gerard responded, changing the subject. Frank’s eyes lit up.

“How did you like them?” He asked excitedly.

“Well, you were completely right. The second one was _almost_ as good as the first. The third was hard to get into, but, like, once you did, it was as good as the first one. I like Ridley’s character more than Lena’s, honestly, because she doesn’t like to make everything in her life seem like she’s perfect. And, well, yeah, while it’s almost constantly mentioned that Lena’s is the same way, she doesn’t seem like it. For example, she was always worried about going Dark, but then gave up on trying before her birthday came around, putting off something that could save her from her psycho mother in order to be normal. Ridley accepted the fact that she was Dark, but still somehow managed to be the “Good Bad Girl”. But Macon is my favorite character, honestly. He’s pretty badass.”

“I think Macon is awesome, but, like, Amma and Ethan’s mom are pretty beast!” Frank exclaims. Gerard nods thoughtfully.

“Okay. Let’s switch to movies. Favorite movie. Go.” Gerard thought for a moment.

“That’s tough. I may have to go with a Clockwork Orange. The acting is brilliant. What about you?” He asked Frank.

“Okay. I have two that are my number ones. I can’t choose between them. Mine are Grizzly Man and the Wizard of Oz,” Frank admitted. Gerard laughed.

“Those are two completely different movies. I mean, Grizzly Man is a documentary! It’s a good one though."

“I think that’s one of my favorites because of this one certain scene that I find beautiful.”

“Is it whenever he’s walking along the stream with his two bear friends?” Gerard asked.

“Yes! I think that scene tells a lot!” Frank exclaimed. For the remainder of the day and well into the evening, they talked of movies and books.

“Frank, baby? They heard a soft voice ask. They turned and saw his mother standing in the doorway. She was smiling at him, but Frank could tell she was worried more than anything. He gave her a smile.

“I’m okay, mama. Stop worrying. You’ll worry my sister before she’s even met me,” he laughed. His mother chuckled.

“All right. Dinner will be ready soon, boys,” she said as she turned and walked away.

“I should probably get going,” Gerard said. Frank gave him a shocked look.

“You’re going to let all my mother’s cooking go to waste?” He gasped. “The nerve!” he said as he stood up. Gerard looked up at him, suddenly terrified that he offended him. Frank ran out of his room.

“Mother! Mother!” He heard Frank yell, causing him to jump to his feet. There was a moment of silence before his mother spoke. Downstairs, Frank was whispering his plan to his mom, who, thankfully, had a great sense of humor.

“What is it, Frank?” She asked loudly.

“Gerard is going to leave! Which means all of this glorious food that you’ve worked so hard to prepare for all of us will never see the inside of a stomach!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up to get more into character.

“Oh, my, how terrible! All of this poor food!” His mother playfully sobbed, rather well, too. In absolutely no time at all, footsteps were heard rushing to them. Gerard appeared in the kitchen, causing them both to laugh.

“Oh, fine. I’ll stay if it means so much to you,” Gerard joked. It sounded stale coming from his mouth. In the past two weeks, Frank had changed his view on his guilt, gained someone by his side, and possibly a family. This boy, Gerard thought, is someone you meet once in a lifetime. He looked up past the ceiling and smiled.

Thanks, Mikey.

“Oh, it means the world!” Linda exclaimed, embracing the boy tightly. He hugged her back, not even minding the feel of her swollen tummy against him. A new life.

Gerard, Frank, John, and Linda all ate dinner together and had a pretty good time. Gerard watched as the family bonded in levels he could never reach with his own family, causing a moment of sadness to hit him. This didn’t go unnoticed by Frank who grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed lightly. Gerard smiled, once again grateful of his new bond.

“I’ll walk you home tonight,” Frank said as they were all cleaning up after dinner.

“Take the care, sweetie,” his mom suggested. Frank looked shocked.

“But I don’t have a license yet,” he said.

“Come on, Frank. Live a little,” she laughed. In that moment, both Frank and Gerard thought she was the coolest mother ever.

“Thanks, mom! See you guys later. Let’s go, Gerard!” Frank yelled as he grabbed him and practically pulled him out of the door. Buckling up in the car, Frank turned to him with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“What?” Gerard asked.

“Where do you feel like going?”

“Um, your mom said to just drive me home though?” He questioned as he put the key in the ignition, turned on the car, and pulled out of the driveway.

“But she also said to live a little. I know my mom, Gerard,” Frank laughs.

“Well, I don’t get out much, so… where do _you_ want to go?”

“Hm, well, let’s ask the car.” The tone in Frank’s voice turned bittersweet and he became silent after that. Gerard decided to not ask him about it, because, if he knew learned anything about the boy at all, it was that he could skillfully avoid the question. After driving for about half an hour down a dirt road Gerard didn’t recognize, they came to a stop in front of a cliff blocked off by one of those metal bridge blockers. Behind the bridge was mountains and a green field expanding and running for miles. The full moon in the sky lit up the lake held near in the distance.

“Where are we?” Gerard asked as he followed Frank out of the car. Frank held a content look on his face as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, loving the feel of fresh air entering his lungs.

“Looking at freedom,” Frank whispered into the wind blowing softly at them. Gerard stared at him for a moment and he thought he saw a glow around him, but maybe it was just his imagination.

“Do you ever just want to get up and go?” Just drop everything and leave everyone behind?”

“All the time,” Gerard answered quietly. This was something he and Mikey talked about often. They never thought twice about leaving their parents, because they always only had each other. But Frank had his mother, John, and a sister on the way. He couldn’t see why Frank wanted to leave, but then he remembered: Frank’s entire past, mainly consisting of his father’s suicide and the years that followed, was here. Everything was a constant reminder of his dad.

“I ought to do that one day, you know,” Frank said, more to himself than Gerard. They stood there in silence before Frank ran back to the car and turned the radio on. He turned the volume up as Your Love by the Outfield came on.

“Fuck yes!” Frank yelled, causing Gerard to smile. “ _Josie’s on a vacation far away, come around and talk it over_!” He sang as he kind of hopped his way over to Gerard, who was currently trying not to laugh.

“ _So many things that I wanna say! You know I like my girls a little bit older_!” Frank continued to sing. Then came a moment when Gerard became happy once more. A feeling he hadn’t fully felt in a while, only small bursts every now and then, but this time it was there and it spread all across his body. Once Frank came into his life, it took him about a week to make this feeling come back to him. He was now definitely sure that Mikey had sent him. It made him miss his brother all the more, but he was also thankful of Mikey still watching over him in the afterlife.

After some persuasion done by Frank, Gerard started singing with the younger male as the moon lit up both of their eyes. When they were both beginning to get tired, Gerard watched as Frank said goodbye to what he called freedom turning the car around. He also found himself longing to go back as Frank was driving away.

“I’d like to visit this place once more sometime,” he quietly told Frank. He watched as Frank smiled brightly, still looking ahead at the road.

“We’ll come back. I come here often. That spot was also my dad’s freedom, but he gave up before he made it past that cliff,” he explained. “One day, I’m going to pass that cliff and I may never come back,” he said softly, opening himself up. Gerard felt honored having Frank share something so personal.

“I hope you make it,” Gerard said as he stared at the dirt road in front of them.

“I hope you do, too, Gerard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this chapter was enjoyable! Leave me some comments, yeah? :))


	11. Bulletproof Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of death, suicide, and self-harming. Depressing thoughts, anxiety attack. Some of this may be upsetting to read.  
> Stay safe <3

“So I’ll see you tomorrow at school?” Frank asked Gerard as he was unbuckling his seatbelt. The older male paused his movements, looking over at Frank.

“Yeah,” he answered. They stayed there for a few moments, sitting in the silence with one another.

“Um, hey, let me see your phone,” Frank said, holding out his hand. Gerard handed it over, knowing what he was going to do. He watches as the man puts his number, takes a picture of himself, and then hands it back to him. He glances down at the screen at his newly added contact.

_Frank :)_

His phone had only consisted of five people (now six with Frank added): his mother, his father, Ray, Bob, and Mikey’s old phone number. It was disconnected now, but Gerard had it safely tucked away in his dresser. He still hadn’t turned it on, afraid of what he’d find or who. Gerard had always had a fear of finding out who caused this, because he wouldn’t know what he’d do. Moreover, he was afraid of what he _would_ do. He shook the thoughts away as he put his phone back in his pocket.

“If you ever need anything, I’m just a phone call away now,” Frank said as Gerard got out of the car.

“I appreciate it, really. Um, drive safe,” he said hesitantly. Frank gave a smile back as he closed the door and didn’t drive away until he saw Gerard walk inside. On the drive home, he thought about the cliff. About how, one day, he hoped to get past it. His father had the same dream, but killed himself before he could. Ever since his father did it, he thought about it often. Maybe if he did it, he wouldn’t have to worry about getting past that bridge. He could just… be. That’s truly all he wanted. To just be.

But, now, he couldn’t think like that. Ray was right. He’d wormed himself through the wall Gerard had built around himself and he couldn’t leave him. Now that Gerard trusted him and confided in him, he couldn’t leave, especially in the way Mikey had. It would be cruel.

Gerard, after entering his home, found it surprising that both his mother and father were in the living room watching television together. They paid him no mind as he walked up to his and Mikey’s bedroom. He still found it offensive that they hadn’t really looked at him since Mikey’s burial. That day was something he liked to keep out of his mind. He gritted his teeth as he remembered how the dirt covering his casket felt against his nails. It was torture. No matter how many times he cleaned under his nails, he still saw the dirt that wasn’t there.

He stripped and redressed into his pajamas that used to be Mikey’s. Since he lost a lot of weight, he found that he could fit in Mikey’s clothes. Upon opening their dresser, he glanced at his brother’s phone, once again tempted to turn it on. He refrained from doing so. Even though he was gone, he still had to respect his little brother’s privacy. He missed his brother dearly. So much so that he found it suffocating. The pain of wanting to see him but knowing that he will never be able to sent a rush of anxiety through him. He felt his face become numb from its center and he began to panic. His breathing became panicked and he felt weak, almost.

“Mikey,” he breathed, “Please come back.” He felt as his tears spilled and ran over his cheeks. His breathing caused a headache and a slip from reality to pull at him.

He grabbed at his dresser handle and struggled to pull out his box. They fell from his hand and he looked down at all the blades scattered across the floor. He sunk to his knees and wailed into his hands. He screamed and screamed until his parents came up and shook him.

“Gerard, baby, what’s wrong? Talk to us!” His mother spoke. He pushed her away.

“Please, we’re here for you,” she said spoke again.

“No,” he sobbed. “Where were you when Mikey and I needed you? Where were you when he killed himself?” He yelled. He noticed them flinch.

“Stop running from it! He _killed_ himself! Where have you been for the last nine months when I was drowning in my own guilt? You’ve both just been letting me so you wouldn’t have to admit that it was _your_ fault!” He screamed. The room became silent after those words left his mouth. He finally said it.

That day, Gerard informed his little brother that he needed to stay after school to finish an art piece he’d been working on, but then assured him that he wouldn’t be alone for more than ten minutes before his parents came home. They were set to come home early that day.

Whenever the ambulance arrived, they said his body was still warm. That he couldn’t have been gone for longer than fifteen minutes, but they couldn’t bring him back even though they tried. His parents were four hours late, and Mikey waited for them excitedly only to be let down. He died alone in an empty house and no one knew why and no one would ever know. He died with none of his goals reached. He wouldn’t fall in love, get married, have kids, have grandkids, or die old in his bed surrounded by people who loved him. Gerard would live the rest of his live going around thinking to himself _“Oh, Mikey would’ve loved this…”_ rather than _“Mikey will absolutely love this! I’m going to surprise him with it!”_ No more would Gerard be able to see his brother’s excited face whenever he came into his view. He wouldn’t be able to be next to him all the time anymore. That was something, he felt, they always had to live with.

“Just get away from me. You were never here before. Why change now?” He mumbled as he curled up against his dresser.

“We’re trying to change,” his father said.

“I wish you could’ve decided that last year. Maybe we could’ve been one big happy family, but it’s too late for that. Just get out,” he whispered. After is parents left, he cried again. He cried until his head was pounding. He’d do anything to be with his brother again. Anything. He looked over at the blades and reached for one. He pressed the cold metal against his skin and held it there.

_No. Call Frank_ , something told him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the man with little hesitation.

" _Hello?_ " Frank answered just after the first ring, Gerard felt his tears well up against and he let out a chocked sob.

“ _Gerard? I’m on my way. Stay on the line,_ ” he said. He heard a lot of cluttering on the line. “ _Mom, I need your keys._ ”

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” Gerard heard his mother ask.

“ _He needs me,_ ” Frank answered with no hesitation.

“ _Be careful, honey, your father would be so proud,_ ” his mother answered. Even though Frank had no one to hold like he held Gerard, he had a wonderful family. One day, he’d ask him what his father was like.

“ _Gerard, are you still there?_ ” Frank asked. He gave a grunt in response.

“ _I’ll be there in two minutes._ ” Lost in his thoughts of wanting to be reunited with his brother, he almost didn’t hear the yelling downstairs.

“ _Who’re you?_ ” He heard his parents ask.

“ _I’m Frank. Friend of Gerard’s. He needs me right now, so if you’ll excuse me,_ ” then he heard his bedroom door burst open. He watched as Frank hung up his phone and, quicker than he thought to be possible, picked up all of his blades and then throw them out his window after opening it up.

“You don’t need those, Gerard. I’m here now,” was all Frank said before embracing him tightly after dropping to his knees next to him. They stayed silent like that for a moment before Frank spoke again.

“It’s okay to cry, you know. It’s just me in here,” he said softly. Gerard buried his face in the crook of Frank’s neck and sobbed until he couldn’t breathe. The younger male rubbed his back soothingly as his other hand played with Gerard’s red hair.

This man, Frank thought, was someone special. It was odd to him. He felt like he could fall in love with Gerard. Maybe it was because he felt needed whenever he was with him, and that was a selfish thought. As wrong as it was to admit, Gerard was a sad story and Frank wanted to be the person who helped him smile and laugh again.

Frank held Gerard well into the early morning. When Gerard stated that he was getting tired, Frank suggested they move onto the bed. They fell asleep with Frank’s arm around Gerard’s shoulder while the older man rested his head on Frank’s chest and clung to his shirt, afraid of being let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some love? <3


	12. Helena

Whenever Gerard woke up, he expected Frank to be there, still holding him, but he was surprised to see that he was alone. He spotted a paper on the pillow next to him and picked it up, his eyes scanning the words sloppily sprawled across the paper.

'mom, sister, birth, hospital.'

Gerard quickly got up and slipped on his shoes. There was oly one hospital in town, but it was a long walk. He took his wallet from his back pocket and looked at the money he had. $30. He called cab. He always hated doing that, but it was needed. He wasn't even sure why he felt obligated to go. Sure, Linda was very nice and treated him like her son almost, but... it didn't feel right to go. Before he could change his mind, the cab pulled up in front of him. Feeling almost thankful, he got in and told the driver the address to the hospital.

After arriving and paying the man, he walked into the hospital. Suddenly, his phone began to ring loudly, echoing down the hall and causing a few people to look his way. He quickly took his phone out of his pocket and quickly answered.

"Hello?" He said.

"Gerard, hey, did you see my note?" It was Frank. He noticed how tired the younger man sounded.

"Yes."

"I'm scared," Frank whispered. This caught Gerard off guard.

"Why?" He asked. Had something happened with Linda or Frank's sister? He felt his heart speed up.

"It's just final, you know. My mom has really moved on. My dad really is gone. I don't know why this is barely sinking in, Gerard. I've had about nine months to prepare for this, but," he sighed, "my dad really will never know this little girl. He will never see either of is grow up. He won't grow old with my mother. He won't die from old age in his bed surrounded by the people who love him." It was then that Gerard realized that he and Frank's thoughts were exactly the same. Gerard's brother and Frank's father had chosen a different solution. It was hard to say who was really being punished. After all, all they did was pass their pain onto other people.

"Frank, it's okay to be scared," he answered.

"I wish you were here to tell me this in person."

"I am. I'm at the hospital in front of the entrance." The call ended without another word. Minutes went by and Gerard became worried about what happened to his new friend. Without warning, a body slammed into his and clung to him. He looked down at the person, fully prepared to push them away, when he recognized the person as Frank. Instantly, his arms wrapped around the shorter male.

"Thank you for coming, Gerard," Frank mumbled against his chest.

"Of course. How long as your mom been in labor?" He asked.

"I think about six hours. I got the call around 3 last night." Gerard nodded and and then looked back down at Frank to stare into his eyes.

"It's okay to be scared," he repeated. Frank gave him a wobbly smile.

"Come on. Let's head to the waiting room for my sister to finally come out," Frank said as he grabbed Gerard, who was trying not to laugh at his choice of words, by the wrist and pulled him along. Rather than let them be swallowed by the silence of the sterile building, Gerard decided to speak.

"Has you mom decided on a name for your sister?" Frank nodded.

"Helena." This caused Gerard to stop in his tracks, stopping Frank as well.

"Helena? Why?" He asked.

"Whenever my dad killed himself, my mom disappeared for a couple of days, leaving me in the care of my grandparents. I was terrified she wasn't going to come back, but when she finally did, she told me she met an elderly lady who really helped her accept what my dad had done. Her name was Elena, but also went by Helena, I believe. I don't think my mom ever saw her again and I'm not exactly sure how she helped my mom, but I will forever be grateful that she did," Frank explained. It was something his mother only ever told him about once, but it wasn't something forgotten so easily. In a way, it was like your eyes looking at a random building and having a feeling that you will remember that same building years from now at random moments of your life.

Gerard was shocked to hear Frank's story. It made sense though, because both he and Mikey were with his grandma that day. He smiled and continued to let himself be dragged by Frank.

"Why did you ask?" Frank asked him.

"Because that was my grandma's name," he answered.

"Was she your grandma? The one who helped my mom?" Gerard nodded.

"Mikey and I were there with her when we ran into your mom." They came to the waiting room and took a seat.

"So what happened?"

"Well, we didn't live here then. We lived about two towns over. My grandma took Mikey and I out for lunch every Friday after school and that Friday, we met your mom. I can't believe I didn't remember her face," he explained. "Your mom came into the dinner right after us and I think she'd been crying. My grandma, being the person she was, asked her what was wrong. I remember her telling my grandma and then crying. My grandma held her and then invited her to have lunch with us. I don't really remember what they talked about, but I do remember her having a smile on her face when we parted ways. On the way home, I asked her why she did it. She told me that no one deserves to feel alone. It's like what you told me," he finished.

"Wow," Frank breathed, "She probably saved my mom's life that day. How is she doing?" He asked. Gerard's face turned somber and Frank needed no explanation.

"Oh," he said, reaching over and giving Gerard's hand a squeeze. They sat in silence for a while. Hours went by and they heard nothing. This caused Frank to worry.

"It shouldn't take this long, right?" He asked Gerard.

"If it helps, my mom was in labor with me for twelve hours," he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Didn't want to come out?" Frank chuckled. Gerard cracked a smile.

"I was warm," he smirked. Frank laughed, throwing his head back. At that moment, John came into the room with scrubs,on, carrying a little bundle of blankets in his arms. Frank froze, looking to Gerard for guidance. Gerard nodded his head towards them, telling him to go. After taking a deep breath, Frank stood and walked over to John, who looked to him with tears in his eyes.

"Frank, meet Helena. Your sister," he sniffled. He held her out to Frank who carefully held her in his arms. When he peered at her face, he choked out a sob. Her tiny face looked identical to his mother. His thoughts went back to his father, and how much he suddenly hated him. Frank went to last few years thinking his arms were only meant to hold a death, but here he was, holding the life of his little sister. In a matter of five seconds, she convinced him that he didn't have to end up as lost as his father had been. He stepped up to John and leaned against him.

"What's wrong, Frank?" He asked him as he hugged both of his kids.

"I was just thinking about how fucking stupid my dad was to his give all of this up," he murmured. Although John seemed troubled by his words, he said nothing. Gerard stared at the scene in front of him and his heart clenched in his chest. He thought about how much Frank is going to love that little girl and be upset whenever she is. He thought about all the lessons he would teach her and how much she's going to look up to him. Just like Mikey. He really didn't understand what he was doing there, because he only manged to torture himself.

"Gerard, do you wanna meet her?" Frank asked him. He was glad Frank didn't try to force him to. He felt conflicted for a moment, but decided to anyways. As soon as he laid eyes o, her, he turned away and quickly walked back to his seat, putting his head on his hands. All of his memories of Mikey growing up flashed in his mind and it suddenly became hard to breathe. He didn't know when Frank came to hug him, but he was thankful. He could feel the eyes of others on him and buried his face in Frank's chest. As if he sensed Gerard's discomfort, he placed one of his hands on the back of Gerard's head, stroking it soothingly.

"It's okay, Gerard. It's okay to feel angry," Frank whispered. That's when Gerard realized what it was that he'd been feeling toward his brother lately. He was angry at him. He'd never been angry at Mikey for anything other than taking forever in the shower.

"I hate him. I hate him so much," he cried, his tears staining part of Frank's shirt.

"You won't hate him forever. You may never know why he did it, but that's all right, because he's happy where he's at right now. And one day, long in the future, you will be right there with him." His words seemed to calm Gerard down.

"Frank, it may not be right to ask, but how did your dad, um, do it?" He asked. Frank took a seat next to him and sighed softly.

"He shot himself in our restroom. I found him after I came home from school." Gerard took a deep breath.

"Mikey hanged himself. I found him after school, too. He was only sixteen, Frank. He had all of his life left. It would've gotten better," he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, "I need to know why he did it."

"Gerard-" Frank started.

"I know I may not find anything," hes aid, cutting him off. Frank out his hand on Frank's knee.

"I'm just afraid that you won't like what you might find." After some silence, Frank spoke again. "Why don't you go home and get some more rest?" I'll call you later and let you know how it goes," he said. Although Gerard wanted to stay, he did suddenly feel sleepy. He nodded and stood up, Frank repeating his action.

"How did you get here?"

"I took a cab," Gerard answered.

"I'll drive you home," Frank said, smiling as he started walking toward the entrance.

"You should stay here with your mom, Frank." He shook his head, giving Gerard a bittersweet smile.

"I don't want her to see me. Not during this happy moment," he explained. Gerard gave him a questionable glance.

"I look like my dad," and that was all he said as they approached the front door. Gerard didn't give answer, knowing there was nothing he could say.

After both getting in the car, Frank drive him home in complete silence. Without realizing, Gerard had begun to stare at Frank. He didn't know what it was about the man driving, but something was alluring about him. It was something subtle; something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What?" Frank asked as he came to a stop in front of Gerard's house.

"Oh. Nothing. I was just staring off into space. Sorry," he apologized. Frank chuckled, causing Gerard to slightly sink down in the seat.

"I do that a lot, too," Frank assured the man.

"I'll see you at school, Gerard. Thank you for coming. I'll be sure to let my mom know you came by. She'll probably want to see you, so I'll call you." Gerard nodded and got out of the car. When he got inside, his parents looked up at him.

"Gerard? Where did you go?" His mother asked.

"Just out. I'm going to my room." Before his parents could say another word, he rushed up to his room. He knew he was probably being unfair, but he knew Mikey would be just as angry. Deep down, he knew that was a lie. His brother would be jumping at the opportunity, but he just couldn't bring himself to be the same way. One day, he'd forgive them, but that wasn't anytime soon.

He sat on his bed and began undressing himself all the way to his boxers. He fell back against his bed and stared at the ceiling. Even though he'd woken up from sleep not too long ago, his eyes felt heavy. He supposed it was something Frank did to him; made him feel content enough to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos! That means a lot to me! <3


	13. Our Lady of Sorrows

For the next few days, Gerard didn't hear from Frank. He missed school on Friday, and, by the end of the weekend, he was still checking his phone to find no missed calls or messages.  
  
He stared at Frank's contact for a few moments. _Should I call him?_ He asked himself. Sighing, he put his phone down next to him on his bed and opened the current book his was reading. _Infinite Jest_. Half an hour into reading, he closed the book and turned on his side, facing Mikey's bed. How could he find his brother's reason? He sat up with a start.  
  
"His phone!" He breathed out.  
  
Frank stood in front of his father's study, staring blankly at the old wooden pattern. He hadn't set foot in there, and he hadn't planned on it. But with Gerard talking about his curiosity, it brought up his own which he'd kept to the back of his mind. He, too, wanted to know why his father _really did it._ His mother was still in the hospital so, naturally, John was there as well. For now, it was just Frank, his thoughs, and his father's thoughts. He hesitantly placed his hand on the knob and turned it, pushing the door open. The scent of his father came rushing at him and his mind raced back to when his father would sit him in his lap and read him a book using silly voices. He shook his head and pushed the memory away as he stepped in further.  
  
Gerard sat at his computer desk, reading another novel he was currently invested in. Atlas Shrugged, a masterpiece. He found himself interested in the author's writing. It was difficult to deciper what was happening, but Gerard's mind put the puzzle together as he went along. Puzzles was something he used to live for, but after his brother became one, he wanted nothing to do with them. He set his book dow, after finishing it and looked at his dresser. Before he knew it, he was staring at Mikey's phone in his hand. Maybe he could peek just a little? He held the power button then set it down as the screen lit up. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to focus on anything but that phone.  
  
Frank, without hesitation, went through everything in his father's study. He only had his safe left. He remembered his father sharing the code with him. It spelled out Frank's name. 3-7-2-6-5. It clicked and he swung it open, a worn out journal being its only contents. He quickly snatched it up, storming out of his father's study, seething. He didn't know what angered him more, the fact that he'd found something or the fact that he thought he wouldn't. A part of him was hoping he never found out why; he would have preferred to never know, but now that he was holding his father's thoughts, he had to know. He needed to know if he still loved him when he raised the gun to his head and if, maybe, he might have been sorry he had the strength to pull the trigger.  
  
He climbed into his bed and hugged the journal to his chest. No matter how angry he was with the man, it'd never stop him from missing him. They always spent the weekend together. All of them. That last weekend, he was normal. Like nothing was wrong.  
  
What an asshole, Frank thought as he held the journal tighter. He glanced at his phone and decided it was time to charge it. Letting his phone be dead for this long was wrong. Gerard may have needed him and he would've broken his promise. He got up and plugged his phone in.  
  
Gerard stared at Mikey's wallpaper, and he felt himself lose his breath. He messily wiped at his tears, only managing to wipe the salty liquid around his nose and mouth. It was him and Mikey hugging closely as Gerard held up the phone to snap the picture. He remembered that day. He took Mikey out into town and bought him ice cream after watching a movie his younger brother had been begging to see since he saw the preview. He watched that movie every now and then when he wanted himself to hurt. He sighed softly as he clicked on the messages. There were none. All erased. He looked at his pictures. Only ones of their group of friends. He looked in his contacts. All erase, too. Mikey had planned it all out, Gerard thought. He looked through everything... except his mobile notepad. Maybe he'd find something there. He clicked on it and there was one note. Dated February 14th. The day he killed himself. Gerard's hand shook and his mind bottled with the want to know and the anger of wanting to forget about him. But Mikey is his brother and he will always love him no matter what has happened. He opened the note. There were the words his brother typed. The last words he felt someone needed to know.  
  
"I never thought it would hurt this much."  
  
His brother was in so much pain, but why? What caused it? Who caused it? Maybe he'll really never know. He couldn't even hurt properly for Mikey. He was a terrible brother. He couldn't even be trusted by his own brother.  
  
Frank slowly opened up the journal. It was only half filled, but he noticed some pages were ripped out. He decided to read the first entry.  
  
January 1st, 2005  
  
The year he killed himself, Frank thought. He continued reading on.  
  
"My wife and son are smiling as they watch the fireworks in the night sky. I begin to smile before I realize something... I'm no longer happy."  
  
Frank quickly shut the journal and slammed it against the wall causing a loud slap to echo in his silent room.  
  
"Fuck you!" He yelled. "We were happy with you!" All of it. His entire life was wrong. He was never the source of happiness for his father. Frank hated himself. He needed to drown the pain away. He stormed into the kitchen and broke the glass to John's liquor cabinet. He grabbed the oddly shaped bottle of clear liquid and quickly pulled the top off, taking a huge gulp. His throat burned and he felt it would come back up any second. But he willed it to stay down, and it did. As he was about to take his second drink, he heard his phone ringing from his room. It was the ringtone he set for Gerard so he knew when he needed to answer. He quickly put the bottle down and ran up to his room. He took his phone off the charger and answered his call.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"F-Frank? Can I come over? I just," Gerard let out a soft sob, "need to get away from here." Frank walk back down to the kitchen and looked at the mess he created amd realized what he'd just done. His father was going to be the death of him, and he was determined to let him. But Gerard needed him, and he needed Gerard.  
  
"Yeah, of course. Did you need me to pick you up?" He asked as he started cleaning up the broken glass.  
  
"No. Um, I'm actually on my way already. I'm down the street. Sorry." Frank smiled to himself.  
  
"Never be sorry for that. You're always welcome at my home." Even though Frank couldn't see it, he knew Gerard was smiling.  
  
"Thank you," Gerard whispered.  
  
"Of course," he replied. Just then, there came a knock upon the door. He heard the sound echo from Gerard's side of the line and quickly answered the door. There stood Gerard with a loose, worn out collared gray shirt covered with a leather jacket. His tight black brought out how shapely his legs had become. His pale complexion brought out his blood red hair more than it would on any other person. But none of that was Frank's main focus. It was his hazel green eyes, looking at him like he could save him. And maybe Frank really could save him.  
  
"Hey," Frank breathed as he put his phone up. Gerard gave a shy smile as he did the same thing.  
  
"Hi." Frank stepped aside to let him in. Before he could ask Gerard what was wrong, the taller male embraced him tightly, breathing in his scent. Although Gerard wouldn't admit it aloud, he knew Frank understood what he was saying with his hug.  
  
He missed Frank.  
  
They stood embracing for a moment before finally pulling away.  
  
"What do you feel like doing today?" Frank asked him as they made their way up to his room.  
  
"I'm feeling a little Godfather-y. How about you?" Gerard asked, peering over at Frank with a little smirk. Frank almost giggled.  
  
"Sounds like a plan!" He exclaimed. He was definitely way too excited, but he couldn't help himself. Something about being with Gerard made him feel giddy. He watched as Gerard scanned his movie collection with a face of concentration before seeing his eyes light up in joy when finding the movie. He wished those eyes never dimmed with inner sorrow. He wished they would stay happy. He wondered if he could make them fill with life one day. He wondered if he could have that type of influence on Gerard. That's when he came to a conclusion of all his clustered thoughts.

  
He was attracted to Gerard Way.  
  
But his heart clenched because he knew it wasn't for the right reasons. Frank knew the more time he spent focused on Gerard's problems and helping him, he could forget his own. As he'd stated before, Gerard was a sad story and Frank was determined to give him a happy ending.  
  
Yes, he liked Gerard, but it was wrong.

 


	14. Our Memories Defeat Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded on 15 Aug, 16 #1  
> Planning on uploading more than one or two chapters

“I didn’t find anything in Mikey’s phone,” Gerard randomly said to Frank. They were sitting by their tree at lunch. Gerard had been drawing his brother, Frank still occasionally trying to sneak a peek, while the shorter man was reading Anthem, another personal favorite of Gerard’s. Sometimes he still found himself shocked by Frank’s knowledge of books, because he’d figured he was the only person who’d read them at his school.  
  
“So what are you planning on doing?” Frank asked as he stuck a blade of grass in between the pages to use as a bookmark and closed the book, giving Gerard his full attention. The redheaded man shrugged his shoulder, letting a soft sigh escape his lips.  
  
“I don’t know.” They stayed sitting in silence before Frank decided it was time to ask Gerard about Ray and Bob.  
  
“Maybe Ray of Bob know something?” He asked hesitantly. Gerard seemed to freeze at the names, but soon recovered, only to shrug his shoulders.  
  
“I don’t know, Frank. Do you honestly think they know something?”  
  
“It doesn’t hurt to try. After all, they, too, were his friends,” Frank explained. Although the words made Gerard flinch, Frank knew he wouldn’t say no. He trusted Frank and knew he wouldn’t saying anything without thinking of the consequences, let alone suggest anything.  
  
“Okay. All right. I’ll talk to them,” he gave, shutting his sketchbook. He checked the time on his phone; they still had a good fifteen minutes before the bell rang.  
  
“Will you come with me?” He asked Frank, lowing his voice until it was nearly a whisper.  
  
“Only if you’re sure that my presence wouldn’t be minded by the other two. I’m sure it’ll be an emotional moment; I don’t want to intrude,” he rambled on.  
  
“No, I’m sure they’ll be fine. After all, the only reason I’m doing this is because you think I should.” Frank smiled at his words, causing Gerard to smile back.  
  
“My mom is coming home today with Helena. Wanna drop by or dinner?”  
  
“That’s your family moment,” Gerard responded. Frank gave a little laugh.  
  
“Actually, she and John came up with the idea. They called me this morning demanding that I ask you,” he said. Gerard felt his heart swell with all the love he was receiving from Frank and his family.  
  
“All right. I’ll go. Um, when do you think I should talk to the guys?” He asked cautiously. Frank gave a thoughtful look.  
  
“Well, whenever you feel comfortable. I’m right behind you every step of the way,” he spoke softly, briefly gripping Gerard’s hand to give a squeeze before letting go. After realizing his feelings, he’d been trying to bury them. They were the last thing Gerard, and even him, needed.  
  
“I-I should initiate the conversation now, right? Yeah, that sounds good,” he muttered to himself. Frank chuckled at the older man answering his own questions. They both stood and walked across the courtyard, and into the cafeteria. Already knowing what table they sat at, Gerard walked over to them with his same expressionless look. He still wanted to appear confident to them. Frank followed behind him, still debating if his presence was a good idea. They slowly sat down across from the other two men, both not bothering to hide their shock.  
  
“Hey,” Gerard spoke after a long silence. The other three let out a relieved laugh.  
  
“I need to ask you both something. I want nothing but honesty,” he wearily spoke. He found that he’d gained a bit of courage and he wasn’t going to waste it. Ray and Bob both nodded their heads and waited for him to continue.  
  
“I’m trying to figure out why Mikey did it. Do you two maybe have any ideas?” Bob was the first to speak.  
  
“He was always smiling, Gerard. I really don’t know,” he said. Ray seemed to be more in thought, indirectly giving Gerard a little bit of hope.  
  
“No. I can’t think of anything. If-if you don’t know, then I know there’s know why we would,” he spoke softly. Frank grabbed Gerard’s hand under the table and held it tightly. Thankfully, he seemed to relax into Frank’s touch. A sign of trust. Just then, the bell rang and everyone, except for the four men, cleared out.  
  
“I’m sorry, Gerard. But, please, don’t stop talking to us. We’re not going to leave you. We-we would never,” Ray explained.  
  
“Yeah. We may not be able to go back to how things were and we don’t have to forget him, but…” he paused, “We can start over again. Knowing Mikey, I’m sure he wouldn’t want things to continue as they have been,” Bob said. Gerard quickly shook his head.  
  
“No, it seems we didn’t know him as well as we thought we did.” Then he let go of Frank’s hand and got up, leaving the other three men without another glance.  
  
“I’ll-I’ll talk to him, guys,” Frank said. They both nodded at him and sat there until Frank, himself, left. This was important to Gerard; He had to find something. At least one clue. Maybe he could revisit Gerard’s home and look around Mikey’s side of the room. He pulled out his phone and sent Gerard a message.  
  
‘Wanna ditch the rest of the day?’ Not even a minute later, he got a reply.  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
‘Okay. Let me pick my school work first. I’ll meet you at the front gate?’  
  
‘I’ll be waiting.’  
  
He quickly visited his last three periods, giving them a revised version about how he was leaving early because his mom was getting out of the hospital. He met Gerard by the front gate anf they made their way to Frank’s house.  
  
“Hey, Gerard?” Frank asked. They were about two blocks away from his home.  
  
“Hm?” Gerard hummed to show Frank had his attention.  
  
“I know this is your, um, brother, but maybe I could help?” He suggested.  
  
“Help how?” They turned down Frank’s road, keeping the same slow pace. They weren’t in any hurry.  
  
“Well, like how I did with the pictures,” he paused, taking a small inhale of air, “I’m an outsider. Maybe my eyes will catch things yours, Ray’s, or Bob’s will miss because you knew Mikey so well.” Gerard thought for a moment. It made sense, sure, but Frank was already doing so much for him. And it couldn’t have been easy, because, due to his helping, Frank had touched back on his own abandoned feelings about his father. Maybe he could help Frank with that: Find his father’s reason.  
  
“That makes a lot of sense. Uh, how about I help you find your dad’s?” Gerard asked. It’d been so much easier to talk about Mikey and Frank’s dad now that they’d established how they did it and how they felt about them. Both men were relieved of the pressure that weren’t aware they’d been carrying on their shoulders.  
  
“I already know.” Was all Frank said as they walked up Frank’s drive way. His mom’s car being the only car there. It had a fresh layer of dirt lining the bottom of the doors and the back window which told Gerard that Frank had gone back to look at the bridge from his secluded spot in the woods that he and his father had claimed. A small part of him felt a bit left out that the younger man had gone back without him, but he quickly pushed those feelings away because that place was special to Frank. The fact that he’d even taken Gerard there showed how much he trusted him. He accepted that.  
  
“How long have you known?”  
  
“A couple of weeks,” he answered as he unlocked the door. _Oh_. Gerard had to wonder why he never mentioned it to him, but he had to remind himself that, despite being extremely talkative, he was very closed off about himself.  
  
“Oh,” he said, stating his earlier thought aloud.  
  
“I didn’t want to tell you the day I found out, because you’d already seemed… _hurt_ with other things,” Frank explained as he kicked his shoes off and dropped his bag on the floor next to the coffee table in the middle of the living room. Gerard took his own shoes off and dropped his bag by the door as Frank walked into the kitchen only to reappear with two cans of Coke in his hands.  
  
“What day was this?” He asked. He took one of the cans of soda from Frank and they sat on the floor together in front of the coffee table.  
  
“You called me asking to come over.”  
  
“Oh,” Gerard repeated.  
  
“I never said ‘thank you’ for that, by the way,” Frank murmured, popping his can open.  
  
“For what?” Gerard asked, doing the same before taking a huge drink. It burned his throat near to the point of tears. He always loved that feeling. It served to wake him up from whatever daze he found himself in.  
  
“Before you called, I was determined to find the solution to my problems at the bottom of a bottle. That would’ve been a mistake, but, thanks to you, I came to my senses,” he explained quietly.  
  
“I’m glad I called when I did, then.” Frank didn’t verbally respond, but gave him a smile. They sat in a comfortable silence, drinking their Coke’s, and staring aimlessly around Frank’s living room, before Gerard spoke, not able to resist any longer.  
  
“So, if you don’t mind my asking,” he trailed off. Frank shrugged.  
  
“He just wasn’t happy,” he stated simply. He’d read through half of his dad’s worn out journal, by that time and, so far, every single entry had only explained how much he missed how sunny the world used to seem. Others only had the repeated sentence: “How I wish I were born color blind so they gray’s would seem normal to me.” It hurt Frank in ways he could never explain to know that he never brought the color back into his father’s life. He almost hated _himself_ for it.  
  
He glanced over at Gerard, finding that his facial expression wanted him to elaborate more, but his just shrugged once more.  
  
“Sometimes people just stop being happy, Gerard, and it’s enough for them to let go.” Those words seemed to strike a chord with Gerard. What if Mikey’s reason were as simple, yet meaningful, as that? He just became unhappy? _No_ , he thought, _he said something was hurting_.  
  
After another pregnant silence, Frank handed him the remote.  
  
“I’m going to complete my school work. You could flip through the stations or put on a movie if you’d like,” he suggested as he pulled out a beige-colored folder and took out the first worksheet.  
  
“I could help if you need it,” Gerard offered. He missed the days where he used to tutor other students at the school. Those days seemed a lifetime ago even though it hadn’t even been a year since his last tutoring session. It was a freshman, who was now a sophomore, named Patrick. He was a really bright kid, he just lacked the confidence in his work and his anxiety made him second guess his answers that had originally been correct.  
  
“No, thanks. It’ll only take me an hour at the most.” Then Frank got to work and Gerard turned the television on and flipped through the stations. It amazed Gerard how Frank’s focus never faltered. How he seemed completely lost in his own world yet was still capable to answer any random question that Gerard asked him without having to ask him to repeat said question. Frank really was a smart kid. Although he didn’t know why he was so sure, he felt, if anyone could figure out why Mikey did it, it would be him. And he was okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for commenting and leaving kudos and subscribing! It makes me super happy <3


	15. Tear the Skin Right Off Our Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded on 15 Aug, 16 #2

“Honey, I’m home!” Frank’s mom sand as she walked through the front door, John trailing behind her holding Helena in his arms. Gerard smiled at her happiness, instantly finding his own motivation to perk up. He found that Frank and his family did that often. They were his version of a picture-perfect family, because they _weren’t_ perfect and never tried to be.  
  
“Hey, mama! Gerard’s here,” Frank called out.  
  
“Did you have to bribe him with my cooking?” She asked, smiling down at them as she leaned over the couch. John took this moment to taking a sleeping Helena up to their room to sleep. Frank smiled almost sadly at the perfect picture John and Helena made. The smile on his face made Frank wonder if his father ever looked at him like that. It made him question so many things, and he wanted answers he knew he was never going to find in that damned book. Frank quickly shook those thoughts away and turned back to his mother, who gave him a knowing a smile.  
  
“I’d never be able to turn down your cooking, Linda,” Gerard smiled.  
  
“Aw, how sweet of you, Gerard. Well, I’m going to get started on making it. I’ll call you boys when it’s ready,” she sang as she made her way into the kitchen. Frank and Gerard looked at one another and smiled.  
  
“She’s happy,” Gerard observed. Frank’s smile turned a bit gloomy, but his eyes were still bright.  
  
“She deserves it. More than anyone,” he answered. Gerard put his hand on the shorter male’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Do you ever just want to move on, Gerard?” He asked after a moment’s silence. Gerard raised a brow.  
  
“What do you mean?” He finally asked when he realized Frank wasn’t going to say any more.  
  
“Like, just let it fade? Just lay down and sleep and when you wake up, everything is okay all over again?” Frank asked. Even though Frank was really saying this to himself, Gerard still decided to answer.  
  
“I don’t want to forget about Mikey.”  
  
“No, I said nothing about forgetting. I said fading. Meaning, it’s never completely gone, but isn’t as dark as it was before. I think everybody has something in their life that they’d like to change. It’s pretty much human nature.” Gerard didn’t know what to say to this, because it was true. He wished he could just go to sleep and Mikey would be alive when he woke up or he’d open his eyes to the darkness of the room and the warmth of his brother at his side. Gerard searched Frank’s eyes, and although they looked as they always had, they seemed duller. It seemed as though as Gerard was getting better, Frank’s demons were beginning to attack the wall he’d built around this childhood and it was getting to the younger male.  
  
“Frank, are you okay?” Gerard finally asked. Frank seemed to snap out of some certain trance and smile as bright as he normally did, but it seemed forced.  
  
“Of course! I’m almost done with my homework. Do you have any?” He asked Gerard, instantly changing the subject.  
  
“Yeah, but I’ll get it done tonight,” he answered.  
  
“Um, Ray and Bob mentioned that you were really smart. Almost Valedictorian. Is that true?” He asked him. Gerard thought for a moment.  
  
“Yeah. Um, last test, my GPA was a solid 4.0. I was second in my class at the time, but by the time I was going to take the next test to place us, I was striving for first place. Then Mikey died and I lost motivation,” he explained. Frank nodded his head along, listening intently to the words that left his mouth.  
  
“What kind of career do you want to pursue?” He asked another question.  
  
“Well, I’ve honestly always thought being a police officer was cool, but then I realized I’d have to see people in a not to alive situation and I realized I couldn’t do it. So, as of right now, I’m not exactly sure.” He was confused as to why Frank was suddenly asking him questions about the future, but if Frank was distracted from his own thoughts, then he would take it. It was the least he could do for him.  
  
“I think you should go for art. You’re always drawing and it can be a type of outlet,” Frank said. “And the next test is coming up. I, um, I really think you should try for number one again.”  
  
“Why?” Gerard asked.  
  
“Because you’re so smart,” Frank answered.  
  
“Not smart enough to figure out why Mikey did it,” he sighed. Frank was silent for a moment before speaking again.  
  
“Do you have his phone on you? Mikey’s?” Gerard nodded and dug into his backpack. He handed it to Frank after finding it among all the books in his bag. Frank turned the device on and set it down on the table, finding that time to be perfect to search his mind for the last time he was in Gerard’s room. He’d always been very good at remembering things vividly. Even if he wasn’t directly looking in that certain direction, he could search his memories and find the answer eventually. It was the reason he was so good at math and solving mysteries in TV shows or half way through his mystery book. He had a good memory and he was proud of it. He searched his mind, finding himself laying back down in Gerard’s bed while he slept. He moved his eyes about the room and focused in on Mikey’s side. He remembered seeing picture frames, all of them holding Mikey. One frame held Mikey and Bob, standing closely and smiling at one another as they gave each other a fist bump. Mikey seemed to be happy and enjoying himself. He moved over to the next one; a picture of him and Gerard. They stood close to one another, both of Gerard’s arms wrapped around Mikey’s shoulders and one of his legs wrapped around the skinnier male’s waist. Frank smiled. Gerard looked happy.  
  
Next was the last picture. Closer to his bed, Frank noticed. A picture of him and Ray. They were close, but not as close as the other two. They were both smiling and looking at one another. Although Mikey’s smile had been evident in the other pictures, it seemed brighter in this one. His eyes held a different emotion from the other two. With Bob, it was content. It was being okay with where he was. With Gerard, it happiness. It was being satisfied with who he grew up with. But with Ray, he noticed, it was something deeper.  
  
Then it clicked.  
  
It was _love_.  
  
Frank snapped out of this thoughts, trying to calmly pick up Mikey’s phone. He searched through his pictures, trying to keep his eyes off of Gerard. Frank felt like he knew _he knew_ , even though that were impossible. He scrolled through hundreds of pictures of Mikey with his friends. Even group pictures. Every time, Mikey was right next to Ray, his arm over his shoulder and holding a smile so bright that Frank couldn’t believe he killed himself. Should he tell him? He handed the phone back to Gerard, the other one giving him a look of confusion at his behavior.  
  
“Did you find something out?” He asked Frank. He thought for a moment. He’d have to talk to Ray first.  
  
“No, I don’t think so. Let me think about it more tonight and I’ll let you know,” he explained. He was prepared for Gerard to hound him with questions or even yell at him to spill what he knew, but all Gerard did was nod and get up to his feet as Frank’s mother called him for dinner. Gerard held his hand out to Frank and helped him up. He could understand Frank not telling him anything right away, because he trusted him. He knew Frank didn’t want to get his hopes up in case what he found didn’t mean anything. Even though he felt like shaking Frank until he told him, he refrained from doing so.  
  
“I’m sorry, Gerard,” Frank mumbled as they were walking into the kitchen.  
  
“For what?” Gerard asked. Frank shrugged his shoulders, saying nothing more as they sat at the table. The rest of the family sat down at the table and smiled brightly at one another.  
  
“How was school, boys?” John asked. Gerard and Frank gave each other a knowing smile.  
  
“Nothing to write home about,” they said in unison, causing Frank’s mom and John to laugh. They ate their dinner, making small talk, joking around, and laughing when Frank talked with his mouth full. After dinner, Frank drove Gerard home. They sat in his driveway in silence for a moment before Frank spoke.  
  
“Do me a favor, Gerard?” Frank asked, turning his head to look at him.  
  
“What is it?” Gerard asked. Frank seemed to hesitate for a moment before finally finding his words.  
  
“There are pictures on a bedside table on Mikey’s side. Can you take a picture of those photos and send them to me?”  
  
“How do you know about those?” Gerard asked, clearly baffled. Frank gave a small smile.  
  
“I have a really good memory. It came with my dad,” he explained. “He was a detective. I don’t really like to remember that, so I don’t really think about it. But he was good at his job, and taught me a few things before he left. Just send me those here in a bit, yeah?” Gerard nodded, wanting to ask more questions, but stopped himself. If Frank found something, he would tell him. He knew Frank would. So he only nodded and got out of the car.  
  
Frank lay in bed that night, staring at his ceiling. Gerard sent him the pictures and he was right. It was love. He definitely needed to talk to Ray. As his mind was trying to piece everything together, he fell asleep and another part of his wall had cracked open.  
  
Frank was falling.  
  
Gerard was sitting down in his desk, finishing his homework. He looked at his calendar and realized the next school placement test was next week. Maybe he should take it seriously this time and try for number one. Mikey always said that he needed to use that brain he had in his big head, making him laugh softly to himself.  
  
“Why did you do it, Michael?” He asked to no one in particular.


	16. How It's Going to Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded on 15 Aug, 16 #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The two other chapters before this one were also posted today! Just a reminder! I don't want to accidentally confuse anyone x.x

The next day, Saturday, Frank messaged Ray on social media asking him to meet him at the little café on Main Street. Much to his surprise, he agreed, saying he needed to talk to him as well. The two met an hour later, both visibly nervous. They ordered drinks and sat down at the very back of the place in a booth.  
  
“So, Ray,” Frank started suddenly, causing Ray to almost jump.  
  
“Frank,” he responded, taking a sip of his Dr. Pepper. Nodding, Frank pulled out his phone and scrolled through his phone until he came to the picture Gerard sent him last night, the one of Ray and Mikey, and slid his phone over to him.  
  
“He loved you, didn’t he?” Frank asked as Ray studied the picture. Hesitantly, he nodded, agreeing with Frank’s statement.  
  
“Yeah, he did,” he said miserably, his face contorting in pain. He pushed Frank’s phone back to him, refusing to see Mikey’s face.  
  
“What happened, Ray?” He asked. After a few moments of silence, Ray sighed.  
  
“It was my fault, Frank. It was all my fault,” his voice wavered. Frank stayed silent, waiting for him to elaborate more on his statement.  
  
“Mikey told me he was in love with me a little over a year ago. I just couldn’t see him that way, so I just continued treating him the same way. He was determined to just stay friends with me, I could tell. But, after a few months, he told me that he couldn’t do it. That his feelings had become too strong,” he paused, taking a deep unsteady breath, “I told him my feelings hadn’t changed, that he would only ever be a brother to me. The look on his face, Frank. _Oh, God_ , the face I made him make still tears me up. I _hate_ seeing his face, because that’s all I ever see! Just that expression,” he sobbed as quietly as he could. It was a tough sight to see for Frank, because he understood all too well about holding the blame of someone’s death on his shoulders.  
  
“Why do you think it’s your fault, Ray?” Frank asked, cautiously.  
  
“The night he… he did _it_ , he sent me a message saying, “I saw you and Bob kissing, but I will still love you until I die,” and I didn’t answer! Maybe I could have saved him if I had, maybe I could’ve talked him into getting help, and maybe I could’ve done something to save his life and Gerard’s. But Gerard is destroyed and Mikey is gone. I don’t even deserve to be here. He was one of my best friends and… and I did love him, Frank. I loved him so much, but I was scared of coming out. I was scared of what Gerard would do if he found out I wanted to be with his brother. I was scared he wouldn’t accept me for him. Because of my fucking fear, Mikey is gone.”  
  
“Ray. You need to tell Gerard.” Ray shook his head almost violently at the mere thought of sitting in front of Gerard, like he was with Frank, and saying everything he just said to Frank to Gerard.  
  
“I-I can’t!” Frank sighed.  
  
“Why did you decide to tell _me_?” He asked Ray.  
  
“You were going to find out soon enough. You’re a smart kid. You see things others don’t,” he explained, taking a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart and nerves.  
  
“Ray, because I know and I’m helping Gerard, I need you tell him,” Frank started, pushing his hair out of his face, “I won’t be able to hide it from him and I don’t want to. I understand how terrifying it is, okay? But this is his _brother_. He deserves to know.” After a moment, Ray reluctantly nodded.  
  
“He knows I know something, so I’m going to give him the run down on things. I’ll tell him that I’ll set up a time to meet you. I’m not going to come along, but I’ll be near just in case Gerard tries to do something. He wouldn’t hurt you, don’t worry. I’m talking about himself.” Ray nodded again. Frank took out a pen and wrote down his number on a napkin, and slid it over to Ray before getting up and leaving. Ray stared down at Frank’s number in his hands and silently cursed himself for not being more open with Mikey. He folded the napkin and put it in his wallet before, too, taking his leave. On his way home, Ray thought about the sixteen year old male. He thought about how smart he was and how he had his own way of letting information slip from you. _Well, he’d be a good detective_ , he thought to himself.  
  
Frank, making his own way home, suddenly felt his phone vibrating against his leg. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller ID. Gerard. _It’s as if he knows_ , he thought. He answered the call.  
  
“Hey, what’s up, Gerard?” He said cheerfully.  
  
“ _I was wondering if you, you know, figured anything out?_ ” Gerard asked hesitantly. That wasn’t the only reason he called Frank, he admitted to himself, he was starting to miss the younger man’s presence. He’d become accustomed to it and it wasn’t a bad thing, he noted.  
  
“Um, is it all right if we get together?” He said, turning in the direction of Gerard’s house. It wasn’t too far and he was pleased about that, but also felt like he didn’t even need to be driving. He thought about parking the car in his own driveway and walking to Gerard’s, but then decided against it because he’d just passed his own home.  
  
“ _Sure. My parents aren’t home, if you’d like to come this way. If not, then I can head over there. Whatever you want_.” Frank hummed.  
  
“I’m almost there. I was already on the road, so I’m pulling up right now.” After hearing Gerard’s mumbled ‘okay,’ he hung up and parked on the side of road, not wanting to risk Gerard’s parent’s coming home and not having room to park their own cars. He shut the car off and climbed out of the driver’s seat. He stared up at Gerard’s house and suddenly felt himself become nervous with the information he was about to share with the troubled man. Suddenly Gerard pulled the door open and gave him a confused look, wondering why Frank was just standing there and staring.  
  
“Frank? You coming in?” He asked. Frank snapped back into reality and smiled at him, nodding his head and running up the doorway to embrace Gerard. Before, Gerard probably would’ve pushed him off and slammed the door in his face, but now he eagerly returned the hug, smiling big into the fabric of Frank’s jacket. After all, Frank never left his side and he and his family have done everything a real family should. Frank really was like a brother to him.  
  
“Before I lose this burst of courage, Gerard, I need you to sit down and not say a word when I’m telling you what I’m about to tell you,” Frank said as he closed the front door and locked it. Gerard suddenly felt his stomach churn and his throat nearly close. He was nervous and terrified for what Frank wanted to say that was causing him to have such a serious expression. He took a seat on the couch, his hands playing with each other, as he stared up at Frank, who took a seat on the coffee table in front of him.  
  
“Okay, Gerard. I just got back from meeting up with Ray, and, there, he told me what he knew,” Frank paused, letting the information sink in to the man in front of him, “He knows a lot. I convinced him to share it with you himself, but only whenever he was ready because it’s _big_. I gave him my number and whenever I get a call or message from him, I’ll take you to him.”  
  
“What does he know, Frank?” Gerard asked through his teeth. Frank reached over and took Gerard’s hands in his, clutching them tightly.  
  
“I promise you that it will make you feel closure and give you almost a sense of relief within time, but that’s all I can tell you,” he assured the older man. Gerard nodded, even if he wanted to _beat_ the information out of Frank. He trusted Frank and knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, so he decided to wait.  
  
“I trust you, Frank. Let’s go do something, so I don’t think about it,” He suggested. Frank gave him a smile, feeling a little sad because he hoped to let Gerard know how he was feeling, but he shook the feeling away. Gerard was more important.  
  
“Wanna go for some ice cream?” Frank asked him as they headed out to his car.  
  
“What are we? Kids?” Gerard questioned as Frank started the car.  
  
“Precisely. You’re never too old for ice cream. It makes the world go ‘round,” he said, smiling at the older man who returned it, slightly shaking his head at Frank. After some debate, they decided to roll the windows down and let the air in rather than putting the cool air on. Gerard looked over at Frank, who was focusing on the road, and watched as the wind whipped his hair around his face. He smiled whenever he saw Frank’s lips curl into a slightly pout before puffing air out to get his hair out of his eyes. He studied the way the sun shined off of his eyes whenever it finally came out from behind the gloomy looking clouds. He studied his sharp jawline, which was casting a shadow over his collarbone. Frank looked like a young man who had been through a lot and came out on top. Maybe it was the way he had dark circles under his eyes, yet still bounced off the walls. Maybe it was the way he’d let his gaze slip off into the distance for a few seconds with his smile slipping away, but then quickly returning it to his face. Maybe it was the way he understood and listened even though it brought up his own demons. Maybe it was the way he always came to Gerard’s rescue even though it hurt him, that Gerard felt as if a flower was blooming in his chest.  
  
‘ _I don’t think it’s brotherly_ ,’ he thought, and he found he wasn’t scared. Not in the least. Nothing about the man sitting next to him could really scare him. Frank turned to look at him as they came to stop at a sign and smiled at him.  
  
“What is it?” He asked. Gerard shook his head at him, smiling back.  
  
“I was just thinking,” he answered. Frank nodded, and then turned up the music to the sound of oldies on the radio, exclaiming that oldies were goodies. Gerard laughed and looked out in front of them, noticing they were coming to a stop in front of a bakery that also sold ice cream.  
  
“Get whatever you want, Gerard. I’m paying,” Frank said before practically jumping out of the car and running to the door. Gerard got out himself, grinning at Frank’s behavior. He was suddenly hit with a wave of relief. Had Frank not come to school earlier that one day, he never would’ve met him and he probably would’ve been dead. He didn’t want to live in a world without his brother, but maybe Frank had become his reason for living. Maybe Frank gave him hope, and he was relieved. He sighed softly, walking inside the shop. He walked up to the counter next to Frank and watched as he rambled on and on to the cashier, who looked weirded out, about how important ice cream was.  
  
“Frank, you’re scaring the poor boy. What are you getting?” He asked the shorter man as he put his hand on the middle of his back. He felt Frank tense slightly before relaxing into his hand and smiling up at him.  
  
“Hmm,” he hummed as he thought. “Cookies and cream, please. Oh, also, put as much ice cream as you can, but, like, for the same price,” he laughed. This caused the cashier to chuckle and nod his head in approval.  
  
“I’ll take the same. With the same instructions, please,” Gerard said soon after. After Frank paid, they chose a table toward the front of the shop.  
  
“Maybe before we leave, we should take some sweets home for the family,” Frank suggested.  
  
“Yours?” Gerard asked. He was slightly confused by Frank’s choice of words. Frank nodded.  
  
“Yeah. Ours,” he smiled. Gerard felt the flower in his chest being watered as Frank’s words sunk in and he understood what he meant. He smiled at Frank, grateful that he found Gerard.  
  
“I think your mom would love those sweet tarts right over there,” Gerard said as he pointed to the corner of the show glass case where they were currently sitting. Frank turned and looked at them.  
  
“Oh, those look so good! What do you think John would like?” He asked, turning back to face Gerard, who shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“Is it rude if I say he would love _anything_ from this shop?” He asked Frank.  
  
“No, you’re right. I love how you know them so well. Maybe whenever Helena gets older, you can make guesses on what she’d want.” Gerard hummed an agreement and immediately perked up at the sight of the cashier coming with two huge bowls of ice cream.  
  
“Here you guys go. Enjoy,” the young boy said. They both said their thanks, and he took his leave after letting his eyes linger on Frank for a moment.  
  
“Oh, my God. Frank, that guy was checking you out,” Gerard chuckled. Frank looked over his shoulder at the boy who was flustered to be caught staring by him. Frank gave a smile before turning back to Gerard.  
  
“Yeah, it appears that way. Anyways, what were you doing today?” He asked Gerard, avoiding the topic.  
  
“I was actually studying. I gave some thought to what you told me and I decided to try my best taking the exams this upcoming week,” he explained as he put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. The way Frank’s eyes lit up, made him smile.  
  
“Seriously? Gerard! That’s awesome!” He exclaimed.  
  
“I hope I can do it this time,” Gerard mumbled.  
  
“I know you can do it. I can help you study, if you’d like?” Frank offered.  
  
“The only thing I really need help with is history. I’m terrible at it for some reason. Dates can never stick, you know?” Frank nodded.  
  
“I love history. I’ll help you. The exam is, like, what, Thursday, right?” Gerard nodded, eating another spoonful. Frank mirrored his movements, doing the same. Frank moaned as he swallowed the ice cream.  
  
“Man, ice cream can end wars. Maybe I should run for President and see if I can make that happen,” Frank sighed happily. Gerard laughed.  
  
“As long as you let me stay in the White House, then I’m all for that idea,” he retorted. This caused Frank to giggle, his eyes practically gleaming at Gerard.  
  
“Dude! We could totally go exploring late at night to see if we can find hidden tunnels or some shit. Oh, my God, it’ll be like National Treasure: Book of Secrets!” Frank exclaimed, slightly bouncing in his seat excitedly.  
  
“That sounds like my kind of night,” Gerard answered, eating another spoonful of ice cream as he watched Frank mix his around. “What are you doing?” He asked the younger male. Frank looked up at him with an almost surprised expression before smiling up softly at him.  
  
“Oh, um, whenever my dad and I ate ice cream, he would always mix it up for me a little bit to make it creamier, because that’s the way I loved it. You know, when it pretty much melts in your mouth but has some texture to it? Yeah, like that. I guess it’s just become habit. It takes me back to the good days,” Frank rambled on. Gerard was okay with that. He loved whenever Frank talked about himself because he never really did that. Any insight on Frank’s life he could get, he would definitely take.  
  
“Yeah? Was it something you’d do often?” Gerard asked, trying to seem nonchalant but like he was also genuinely curious, because he didn’t want Frank to suddenly think that talking about himself was in any way not allowed.  
  
“It was a reward whenever I got straight A’s or did something else exceptionally well, so I always kept my grades up,” Frank answered, chuckling and thinking back to his father’s proud face. Gerard thought about his words for a moment before thinking about how much he sees Frank working hard on his homework and studying, and even staying after school sometimes to ask questions about something he doesn’t understand. Those times, Gerard would wait at the tree Frank knows he’d be at, just drawing or reading or thinking. Gerard realizes that Frank still does well on his schoolwork so his father would be proud. Such a thought makes Gerard feel terribly miserable, but he keeps his smile on his face. He can’t say he knows _exactly_ what Frank feels like, but he understands it. Sometimes he forgets Mikey’s gone and he’ll walk into their room asking a question and only realize it when he sees his brother’s things untouched and as the way he left them all those months ago.  
  
“Well, then here’s to your future straight A’s,” he says, holding up another spoonful of his ice cream to Frank. Frank does the same with his melted treat and they clink spoons, some of Frank’s melted ice cream spilling on the table.  
  
“Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen,” Gerard said, staring down at the melted liquid wearing an amused look on his face.  
  
“Since you let it happen, you have to clean it up.”  
  
“What? Why can’t you do it?” Gerard asked. Frank snickered.  
  
“Because you let it happen.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s your ice cream!”  
  
“So? I didn’t know it was gonna spill, but you did and still let it happen,” Frank explained. Gerard huffed, crossing his arms.  
  
“And?”  
  
“And so it’s your fault.” Giving up, Gerard grabs a napkin and tries to quickly wipe it up, but only manages to smear it into a bigger mess, causing Frank to laugh evilly.  
  
“Oh, bite me,” Gerard insults. Frank laughs out loud this time.  
  
“Kinky,” he retorts, causing Gerard to blush and fail at hiding his grin. This initiates Frank to laugh more. Gerard feels the flower in his chest resting in the sunlight, growing stronger. He would be perfectly fine with going out to eat ice cream with Frank every day. He would be perfectly fine with seeing him every day and just reading the same old books and forgetting about the new ones they couldn’t wait to buy. He’d be perfectly fine with watching movies with him and making stupid jokes or small talk during the feature. He’d be perfectly fine with hearing Frank singing along to those oldies but goodies songs while going on a night drive with the wind blowing through their hair. He’d be perfectly fine with all of that, as long as it were Frank he was doing it with. It’d been a few months since Frank had barged into his life and he was just barely realizing this all right now.  
  
He liked Frank, and he felt fine.  
  
A part of him felt kind of guilty that he was actually happy and content with his life, because he shouldn’t be. Not without Mikey, but he was. He quickly assured himself that his brother would want him to be happy. Frank had helped him to think that way. He’d always told Gerard that if he ever felt guilty because of that reason or wanted to not achieve great things because of Mikey, he always asked him if that’s what his brother would want of him. It wasn’t. Mikey was always encouraging him to do things he wanted to, but didn’t have the confidence to do. Mikey was his wall, but he slowly found that Frank was finding his way into that spot, and he still _knew_ Mikey would be okay with that. Gerard knew he wouldn’t feel replaced by Frank, because _no one_ could replace his brother. Mikey would always be the number one person in his life, even if he wasn’t alive anymore.  
  
“Ready to leave?” Frank asked. Gerard smiled at him, nodding and getting up from his seat. He waited until Frank pushed his seat in and then watched as he went to the counter to buy the sweets for _their_ family. The same cashier seemed ecstatic at the fact that Frank even _looked_ at him again and Gerard felt a slight sink in his chest. He watched as Frank pulled out his wallet and went to get a few dollar bills out, but the young boy shook his head and pushed the huge bag, _overfilled_ , towards him. Words were exchanged and gestures were made, until, finally, Frank came back with the bag, holding it up to Gerard and smiling as if he’d won the lottery.  
  
“Did he _give_ that to you?” Gerard asked as they walked out of the shop.  
  
“Yeah. It was really nice of him,” Frank answered, making his way toward the driver’s side of his car.  
  
“Yeah,” Gerard agreed, still feeling that sinking feeling in his chest.  
  
“He asked for my number,” Frank said once they were settled in the car and he was starting it.  
  
“You gave it to him?” Gerard asked, almost in disbelief. Frank nodded.  
  
“Yes. I couldn’t say no. He looked so hopeful, I just couldn’t tell him I wasn’t interested,” he sighed.  
  
“That’s leading him on.” Frank tilted his head as he took off.  
  
“If I get a call or message, I’ll pretty much just tell him that I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” Gerard didn’t know if he should feel relieved that Frank had no intention of dating that boy or disappointed that he had no intention of dating _anyone_ , but he decided not to dwell. They made their way to Frank’s house, munching on some of the sweets they got. Content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one I'm uploading today. Hopefully no one accidentally read ahead and got confused!


	17. I'm Trying, I'm Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded 17 Aug 16 #1
> 
> Probably uploading a couple of chapters today <3

“Frank, I really don’t know if I can do this,” Gerard said to the younger man as they were walking to school. Frank put his hand on Gerard back and rubbed it reassuringly.  
  
“Gerard, we’ve studied a lot for this. You’re ready, okay? I believe in you.” Gerard gave Frank a shaky smile, but trusted his words. If Frank had faith that he could do it, then he had no doubt he was right. He took a couple of deep breaths and managed to calm himself down just as they reached the school.  
  
“Are we getting together after school today?” Gerard asked. Frank gave him a bit of a sheepish smile.  
  
“Actually, I have to head to that bakery and, um, talk to that boy,” he muttered. Gerard stopped in his tracks, causing Frank to stop as well.  
  
“I thought you said you weren’t going to lead him on,” he said, his heart suddenly racing again. He felt a sinking in his stomach and he didn’t like it. He was jealous and he _hated_ that feeling. It took a lot to get him jealous, but all Frank had to do was give some kid his number.  
  
“I’d explained it to him and he said that he only wanted one date and then he would leave it at that, so I agreed. I just,” he sighed, “I couldn’t say no.”  
  
“One day, Frank, someone is going to walk all over you because of your incapability to say no to anyone. You’re lucky I’m here. Next time, I’ll say no for you,” Gerard huffed. To Frank, he looked like a protective friend and that warmed his heart, but Gerard was really saying it so he could have Frank all to himself. He was growing too attached to Frank, but he didn’t want to separate himself from him.  
  
“Yes,” Frank giggled, “get my best friend to do all the dirty work.” Gerard gave him a smile and they continued walking, parting ways in the hallway after Frank gave him another pep talk.  
  
“Remember, Gerard, no matter what, Mikey is damn proud of you!” Frank yelled after him. He didn’t turn around to face him, but smiled as he kept walking. As Frank walked to his own classroom, he felt his phone vibrate. He pulled it out, thinking it was from his mom, but instead, it came from Ray.  
  
 **Ray** : _I’m ready to tell him._  
  
Frank froze. _No, he wasn’t going to tell him today_ , Frank assured himself. He’d set up a meeting between the two within the next few days, that way Gerard could focus on his testing and maybe relax a little before all hell broke loose. He’d need to be there for the older man as much as he possibly could and keep a close eye on him.  
  
 **Frank** : _Okay. I’ll let him know in the next few days. The placement test is today and he’s studied hard for it. For Mikey. I’d like for him to focus on that. I’ll let you know more details later._  
  
He walked to his first period class to wait to be assigned to a testing classroom. His phone vibrated.  
  
 **Ray** : _Thank you. Good luck on the test!_  
  
 **Frank** : _You, too!_  
  
He slipped it back into his pocket. He wasn’t worried about where he placed in his class, because he was confident. If there was anything he admired about himself, it was that he was smart. Sure, he did stupid things every now and then, but he was academically smart, and that was something he’d never doubt about himself.  
  
Gerard sat in his homeroom class, slightly shaking in his seat. He didn’t know if he could do this. He hesitantly fumbled with his phone and dialed Frank, not caring about the teacher giving him concerning looks. The line rang a couple of times before Frank’s smooth voice came on.  
  
“ _Gerard, what’s wrong? Everything okay?_ ” He asked, his voice was laced with nothing but worry. Gerard sighed shakily.  
  
“Frank, I really don’t think I can do this. What if… we did all of this studying for nothing?” He asked, almost frantically.  
  
“ _Gerard, listen to me. You trust me, right?_ ”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“ _Nothing anyone does in their life is never for nothing. Every decision we’ve ever made, or any of the things that went wrong and we thought life was unfair, it was only leading us down our path the way it’s supposed to go. Gerard, if you don’t think you’ve done well on this test afterwards, then we’ll work even harder for the next time. I believe in you, though, I know you can do this._ ” By the time Frank had finished talking, Gerard found himself confident, more than before.  
  
“What would I do without you, Frank?” He laughed. Frank laughed, too, not knowing how to answer. Just then, the bell rang.  
  
“ _Okay, Gerard, I’ll see you right after testing. Come to the bakery with me?_ ” Frank asked. Gerard honestly didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to see some other boy all over Frank, and Frank possibly doing the same, but he wanted to be near him.  
  
“Are you sure I won’t be interrupting anything?” He asked, causing Frank to chuckle.  
  
“ _There wouldn’t be anything to interrupt. Come with me, and then we’ll go home and watch shitty horror movies_ ,” Frank said softly. Teenagers began filing into the classroom, barely giving him a second glance. Ever since his association with Gerard, the people who’d called themselves his friends, had all not bothered to try talking to him. It was fine with him. All he really needed was his family, Gerard included.  
  
“Okay, I’ll go. Buy me more ice cream though,” he said. Frank smiled softly, tilting his head to the side.  
  
“ _I’d buy you the world if I could_ ,” Frank nearly whispered. It was loud enough for Gerard to hear, making his heart flutter. After a brief moment of silence, Frank cleared his throat, slightly catching the attention of a few of his classmates, and began to speak once more.  
  
“ _I’ll see you after the test, okay? You can do it_.”  
  
“Okay. Thanks,” Gerard responded, hanging up the phone and tossing his phone into his bag. He bit his bottom lip, trying to hide the blush he felt on his cheeks. He sighed quietly, trying to convince his mind that Frank didn’t mean anything romantic by it, but his heart was rooting for the other side. It was safe to say that Gerard definitely wanted Frank to mean it romantically.  
  
As soon as testing began, both Frank and Gerard breezed by the questions with ease, and Gerard’s confidence boosted high by the time the first section came to an end. He thought back to those late nights he and Mikey would spend helping Gerard study for this very same test. Each grade level was required to take it. It was timed, and all his brother could be happy about was the fact that school was over as soon as testing was done. Gerard found himself smiling at the memory of his brother whooping at the top of his lungs as they exited the building. He chuckled at the squint in Mikey’s eyes as he smiled and maybe the sun was too bright. Yes, he loved his brother dearly and missed every moment of the day to the point of exhaustion, but it was getting _easier_. Not exactly better, but easier to get through the day even though he _knew_ his brother was gone and that he wasn’t going to see him until after his time came.  
  
Gerard, himself, didn’t exactly know if Heaven or Hell existed, but he liked to think they did. He liked to think his brother was happy where he was and he was spending his time as an angel playing video games and watching horror movies with their grandma, because she was really cool and could easily beat them at Mario Kart. Aware, he let his mind drift to his new friend, wondering if he too had doubts about a higher being in the sky or if he embraced any religion. Frank had, in a way, been through a lot more than most people in his age and he still managed to smile, even if it were broken. He still shivered at the memory of the day he’d rushed to Frank’s house and the younger man had admitted to him in a feeble voice that he was _broken_ , just like him.  
  
Frank finished each section in half the time each section was limited to, not allowing his mind to drift to other thoughts. He didn’t want to disappoint his father, who had always taken pride in how smart Frank was, and even if he weren’t here to get him celebratory ice cream or show him that big goofy smile, the memory of it would be enough until he met his father again on the other side. He shook his head; he was letting his thoughts drift from the test and he couldn’t have that. This test deserved one-hundred perfect of his attention after all the studying he and Gerard did. _Gerard_. He’d fallen in love with him sometime in past few weeks, he was sure of it, but he didn’t know how he should tell him, or if he even should. He didn’t know how Gerard would act. He was loveable, but there were still chances that he was a homophobic prick no matter how slim they were, and he didn’t know what he, himself, would do if that actually happened. Not only would he lose the man he loved, but he’d also lose his best friend, and so would Gerard.  
  
 _No_ , he scolded himself, _Gerard is a great guy and he wouldn’t judge me._  
  
And he knew it to be true, because, thinking of it now, Gerard hadn’t made a disgusted face or used a certain tone when he mentioned that he’d given that boy at the bakery, whose name was Pete, his number. All Gerard said was that he shouldn’t lead the boy on, feeling that it was wrong and not at all like Frank.  
  
“All right, Time’s up, everyone. After you’re done turning in your tests, you’re free to go.” Frank glanced at the clock and saw it was only noon. Since Pete was probably still in school, he and Gerard had some time to kill and that made him happy. He was hoping to spend more quality bonding time with his friend.  
  
They met at the front gate and Frank couldn’t help but smile at the content look on Gerard’s face, a very small (yet happy) smile gracing his features. The midday sun shining over Gerard causing his red hair to shine, and Frank flinched at how beautiful Gerard was. He made his way outside and tapped Gerard on his shoulder.  
  
“Hey. How do you think you did?” He asked.  
  
“I think I did the best yet. You?” Frank smiled.  
  
“Same here. You wanna go to the movies and see something? We have quite a bit of time before we head to the bakery to see Pete,” Frank explained and found himself confused at the look that quickly flashed by on Gerard’s face.  
  
“Oh, that’s his name?” Gerard asked nonchalantly.  
  
“Yeah. He’s pretty cool. Likes the same bands we do and stuff. I think you’d like him,” Frank offered, confused even more by Gerard’s behavior as they walked their way out of the school district and towards Frank’s house. After school, they normally went to have lunch with Frank’s mom and occasionally John if he was off from work before taking the car and going out for a drive or out somewhere.  
  
“That’s cool. But I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want _me_ to like him, Frank,” Gerard retorted, feeling himself become angry.  
  
“What does that have to do with anything?” Frank asked, curiously.  
  
“Nothing. Forget it.”  
  
“Gerard, I’m not interested in him, if that’s what’s bothering you for some reason,” Frank tried to explain, hoping to help his friend to calm down. With what his words were insinuating, he was hoping Gerard wouldn’t explode at him.  
  
“Why would that bother me?” Gerard snapped, walking faster, hoping to get to Frank’s home soon before this conversation got weird.  
  
“Nothing. It’s okay. We don’t have to go to the bakery, if you don’t want to,” Frank offered. He would pick Gerard over Pete any day of the week, no offense to the boy, but that’s just the way it was.  
  
“Okay, cool. Let’s just theater hop the entire day.” Gerard instantly perked up at the offer Frank made. Frank quickly pulled his phone out and started tapping on it, catching Gerard’s attention.  
  
“Sorry,” Frank said, noticing Gerard looking over at him. “I’m just sending a text to Pete telling him I can’t make it.” For some reason, this made Gerard feel guilty. He was jealous of Pete even though he had no reason to be. For the past few months, it had always only been them two and now that Frank was making friends with Pete, who had an obvious crush on him, Gerard couldn’t help but feel threatened. He felt he could lose Frank. There could come a time where Frank could reciprocate those feelings Pete had and they could start dating, and Gerard felt his heart break at the simple thought of that possibility.  
  
“If you wanted to go, Frank, we can,” Gerard mumbled, his guilt beating his jealousy. Frank smiled up at him and patted him on the back before sending his message.  
  
“I’d rather spend the day theater hopping with you,” Frank said, the smile growing bigger on his face. Gerard instantly relaxed, returning his smile. They walked in silence the rest of the way, letting the calmness set between them. It was breezy, the leaves of the trees rustling and a bird chirping every now and them.  
  
“It’s a nice day, huh?” Frank said absentmindedly.  
  
“Yeah. Maybe we should spend it at the park instead of in the theater.” Frank nodded his agreement and began digging in his pocket for his key as they came to his driveway. John’s car was gone, meaning it would only be Gerard, Frank, and his mother for lunch.  
  
After lunch with Frank’s mom, they retreated to his room and found a movie to put on before laying down on his bed. It was a twin sized bed, enough room for both of them, but they still laid close to one another, neither of them minding.  
  
“Hey, Frank?” Gerard murmured half way through the movie.  
  
“Hm?” Frank hummed.  
  
“I’m sorry that I’ve been acting so weird about your new friend.” Frank tore his eyes away from the screen and looked over at Gerard. He wasn’t looking at the movie either, but rather at the wall in front of them.  
  
“It’s all right. I don’t see anything wrong with it, so don’t worry, okay?” Frank explained, rubbing his hand to Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard smiled back at him, taking in how beautiful Frank looked in the dim lighting of his room. He wanted to kiss him, but instead settled on laying his head on Frank’s shoulder. Frank wouldn’t want him anyways; he was sure of that. He was too damaged and Frank need stability. While lost deep in thought, Frank’s phone began to vibrate loudly and repeatedly indicating he had a call.  
  
“Sorry, let me get this,” Frank said as he sat up. “Hello? Hey, Pete!” He said cheerfully, causing Gerard’s stomach to twist. “Yeah, sorry I can’t make it. I’m with my best friend right now.” Pause. “Yes, he’s the one I was with when we met.” Pause. “What do you mean?” Pause. “Oh, yeah. You’re right. Sorry. That’s why I can’t date you.” Pause.  
  
 _What?_ Gerard thought, _What does Pete know that I don’t?_  
  
“We can totally still be friends though!” Frank argued. Another pause. “Yeah. Thanks for understanding! Talk to you later. All right, bye.” Then he hung up and turned back to Gerard.  
  
“Um?” was all Gerard managed to say.  
  
“Oh, it was just Pete. Don’t worry about it,” Frank explained as he laid back down. Gerard physically began to struggle with not knowing something Pete did about Frank.  
  
“Frank? Did, um, Pete wanna hang out? We can still go,” he offered not even five minutes later, hoping that would make Frank crack.  
  
“What? No, Gerard, it’s okay now. He figured something out and just let it be. He’s not going to be pursuing me anymore, had he been planning on it,” he reassured the older man.  
  
“Oh? What did he figure out?” He asked. Frank gave him a soft smile and shook his head gently.  
  
“It’s not important right now. Within time, you’ll understand why.” Gerard tilted his head at him, thinking about pushing it, but then decided not to. If Frank said it wasn’t important at the time, then it probably wasn’t. If there was one thing Frank and Gerard hadn’t seen, it was that Gerard would do _anything_ Frank asked of him with no questions and Frank would drop _everything_ to be at Gerard’s side and that wasn’t a good thing. Independency is key to any type of relationship and without it, eventually it would fail.


	18. The Parties Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uploaded 17 Aug 16 #2
> 
> Last chapter uploaded today!   
> IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END

Frank and Gerard stood in front of the board posted with the results of their placement test, which was nearly couple of weeks ago. Throughout that time, the pair had grown even _closer_. They had taken to falling asleep in the same bed, holding hands more often than not, and even spooning on more than one occasion, but that wasn’t something they would talk about.  
  
“Congratulations, Gerard! You got first!” Frank said excitedly. Gerard waved him off with a smile on his face.  
  
“Me? What about you? You got first, too!” Gerard’s entire attitude about life had changed. He was grateful to still be living, because he was determined to become something for the both he and Mikey.  
  
“Yeah, but you’re going to be Valedictorian!” Frank nearly squealed as he began to drag Gerard out to their tree. They had to wait until the last bell rang to find out their scores, but it was well worth it, Frank concluded.  
  
“So you’ve gotta get started on your speech,” Frank mumbled in the silent air around them. Lately, his mind had been going other places. His birthday was in eleven days and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to celebrate it or not, because his father wasn’t there. He always feels _not there_ by the time October came around and it wasn’t for the reason most people thought. They always assumed it was because his father physically wasn’t there, but no, he thought. It was because he felt like he was leaving his father more in the past.  
  
“There’s still one more test in the year left, Frank. Anything can happen,” Gerard said softly. Frank scoffed.  
  
“You blew those other people out of the water. You’ve got nothing to worry about. We’ll still study, but I’m sure you should start working on your speech.” His thoughts went back to his father.  
  
He knew it was probably an irrational thought, but it was a feeling that would never go away. Suddenly, he felt a warm hand engulf his cold one and he snapped back to focusing on Gerard, who was giving him a cautious smile.  
  
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, Frank. What do you want to do for your birthday?” Gerard asked. Frank’s eyes widen only slightly, shocked.  
  
“How do you know my birthday is coming up?” He asked. Gerard gave him a sheepish smile, averting his eyes for a few moments before returning to look in his best friend’s eyes.  
  
“Linda told me a few days ago, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. She told me because I noticed you were acting… _different_ and I asked her if she knew why. Frank, you don’t need to feel that way, okay? You have me,” Gerard trailed off, suddenly becoming shy at his own words.  
  
“Gerard,” Frank sighed, moving his hand away from Gerard’s grip. “Thank you, but I’d like to be alone for Halloween, okay?” He said, almost scared that he would hurt Gerard with his request. He was right. The look Gerard gave him nearly made him take his words back, but he stood his ground.  
  
“Why?” Gerard asked feebly.  
  
“I’ll tell you later, okay? Wanna go home and watch some movies?” Frank asked, dismissing his question. It was something he did a lot, Gerard noticed, but he figured it was because Frank was protecting him. What he didn’t realize was that Frank was also protecting himself. The two started on their way back to Frank’s house in silence, not minding the tense around one another. Gerard had begun to pay more attention to Frank, noticing how close they were at random times, finding double meanings in things that he says and it’s driving him crazy, if he was going to be honest.  
  
“Frank?” He asked Frank suddenly. Frank’s house was still a few blocks away. If he was going to tell him how he felt or get an insight on how Frank felt about Gerard himself, it was going to have to be now.  
  
“What’s up?” Frank responded. Gerard smiled and cursed Frank for not even having to do anything to make him smile. He thought about how to ease his way onto that topic, but he knew it wasn’t going to be hard since Frank knew he was curious about everything.  
  
“I’ve been wondering for a while now. Um, why didn’t you wanna date Pete?” He asked cautiously. After giving it a minute of thought, Frank shrugged.  
  
“I just don’t want to date anyone right now. It wasn’t Pete, exactly. I just don’t want to be with anyone. Maybe one day, I’ll see if he still wants to take me out on that date,” Frank half-lied easily, giving Gerard a fake smile. Gerard felt his throat clench, but he forced it away as he nodded at Frank’s words.  
  
“That makes sense.”  
  
“What about you?” Frank abruptly asked. Gerard stammered a little before gathering himself and opening his mouth to answer.  
  
“I like someone. A lot. I really do,” he admitted. Frank froze, freezing him in his tracks before snapping his neck out to look at him. Gerard didn’t spend any time with anyone other than Frank, so who could it be? _Unless… Was he speaking with someone online?!_ Frank mind conjured.  
  
“Oh, yeah?” He tried ask calmly, “who is it?” He nearly gritted through his teeth with a tight smile on his face. Gerard thought maybe he were in pain, but didn’t remember seeing anything that could have caused him any pain. Had he accidentally twisted his ankle while walking? Because Frank is prone to doing that, it seems.  
  
“I-I, um, it’s no one. I’ll tell you later,” Gerard mumbled, continuing to walk, causing Frank to have to catch up to him. He decided not to press the subject seeing as he _always_ seemed to be telling Gerard the same thing lately. That he’d tell him later, so he couldn’t exactly get angry with him. He held a sigh and they continued on their way.  
  
His mind wandered back to Halloween and Frank knew what he was planning to do. He’d already spoken to Ray and he agreed that day would work. Frank would follow them to the local park and watch over Gerard. Even though he did want to be alone that day, it also gave him an excuse to make sure Gerard didn’t ask him to come along. During the past few weeks, his mind had prepared him for every possible outcome for that day. Would Gerard attempt to hurt Ray or himself or _both_? Would he think about hurting Frank for keeping it from him for so long? So many questions were left bouncing around in his mind and he had to wait until he was actually hiding behind a tree in the park a safe, yet close distance from them. He was _terrified_. Would Gerard go back to his old self; the one Frank had met him in? Or would he surprise everyone and forgive Ray or at least attempt to understand?  
  
Frank felt himself getting a headache and decided to save the wondering for another day.  
  
“Hey, Frank?” Gerard suddenly asked. Frank looked over at him to see Gerard doing the same. “Do you think I could get into an art school in New York?” He questioned. Frank immediately smiled brightly at the taller man.  
  
“Definitely! I’ve seen your work and they’d be complete senseless not to accept you! What school are you thinking about?” Gerard seemed reluctant, but began to smile, too.  
  
“Um, the New York Academy of Art,” he mumbled. Frank patted his shoulder, smiling almost stupidly at him.  
  
“I believe you can get in, Gerard. Have you applied?” Gerard shook his head, causing Frank to knit his eyebrows in concern. “Uh, why not?” Gerard shrugged.  
  
“I just kinda don’t wanna do it alone.” Frank could respect that.  
  
“Let’s get started at my house. I’ll be there with you. Besides, school will be coming to an end sooner than you think, it’s better to get accepted somewhere earlier so you can be sure it’s the real deal and you can start looking at apartments or dorms or whatever,” Frank rambled on. Gerard was kind of hurt that Frank didn’t look hurt by him moving away or anything, but replaced that emotion with happiness because he knew Frank just wanted him to pursue what he wanted himself. Sure, Frank was sad he’d be leaving, but his best friend deserves to do what he decides will make him happy. Gerard would do the same for him, he thought. And he was right; he would.  
  
“Thanks for doing this with me, Frank. It means a lot,” Gerard says. Frank pats his arm softly.  
  
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” Frank response. This causes Gerard’s face to heat up at the way the comment sounded. He knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up with Frank, but he just couldn’t help it. “Anyways, they’ll probably do the whole interview thing so we’ll get your transcripts from the school tomorrow and everything. We can go on a road trip to New York!” Frank exclaimed happily. Gerard smiled over at him, happy.  
  
“Yeah, that sounds like a bunch of fun. What are we gonna do today though, like, after doing my application?” Gerard asked.  
  
“What we normally do, I guess. My mom bought a new collection of b-movies last night for us, so we should get started on those. How ‘bout it?” Gerard nodded.  
  
“Sounds like the best thing in the world.” Frank gave a smile in return and the two continued on in silence.  
  
They arrived at Frank’s a few moments later and Gerard laughed as Frank called out ‘Honey, I’m home!’ to his mother.  
  
“Hello, boys. How was school?” She asked as she came from her bedroom. “How did you do on the test?” She asked another question, unable to contain it.  
  
“We both placed first in our grades!” Frank exclaimed. Linda squealed and practically ran to the both and hugged them both tightly. Gerard would never get used to her hugs, because he hadn’t hugged his own mother in over a year or two; he lost track. Mikey used to hug her every chance he got but, thinking back on it now, she never really did much but hug him with only one arm. Half a hug and uncommitted. The type of hug you give a person because they were married into the family of a distant cousin who lived across the country and only came down on annual family get together’s. A _polite_ hug. Thinking about it, it bothered Gerard. His brother just wanted a hug from his parents, and now he’d never get it.  
  
He hadn’t been to visit his brother’s grave since they lowered him, but maybe it was time to go there again. The thought made his heart race and he decided against it. He didn’t want to see his brother reduced to just a box six feet under the ground.  
  
Linda pulled away and then kissed both of them on the cheek.  
  
“We have to celebrate! What should we have for dinner?” She asked. Frank shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“I don’t know. What do you think, Gerard?” Frank asked. Gerard didn’t know what to say. Sure, now that he spent every night with them eating dinner, he was still caught off guard every time they asked him what he felt like eating. He didn’t really care. Food was food and he wasn’t in any position to be picky. He shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“Um, really, whatever you guys want. I’m just a guest,” he replied.  
  
“That’s nonsense, Gerard,” Frank’s mother said. “You’re a part of the family, sweetheart. Your input is just as important.” Gerard felt a lump in his throat and tears come to his eyes.  
  
“I wish Mikey could’ve met you and had you just as I do,” he confessed, his voice hardly above a whisper. Linda gave his shoulder a squeeze and leaned her forehead against his.  
  
“I do, too,” she replied. Gerard loved Frank’s mother as much as he possibly could. She had been there for him more in these few months than his own mother had his whole life so far; he was forever indebted to her and her family. Even Helena.  
  
  
Later that evening, when John came home, they sat at the table as a family. The family talked and discussed their day and just before the two teenagers were cleaning up, John announced that he had a surprise for the both of them.  
  
“What is it?” Frank asked. John went to the fridge and pulled out a medium sized cake. With a big smile on his face, he set it down on the table and clapped his hands.  
  
“I’m so proud of you boys for doing your best on that test!” He said happily. Gerard could never put together how happy John was. He’d been through a great deal throughout his childhood, with his father being arrested when he was around seventeen for the abduction and slaughter of almost a nearly a dozen little boys and girls and his mother driven to suicide at the discovery when he was eighteen. When Frank revealed this information to him, Gerard really felt for the man. How John hadn’t let that influence his happiness or need to live really impressed him.  
  
The two peered over to look at the cake and Gerard smiled warmly at John because of what was written on it.  
  
“ _Congratulations_  
 _Frank & Gerard_  
 _For passing the test!”_  
  
This man was really something else and Gerard was thankful for it.  
  
“Wow, this looks amazing, John! Thank you!” Frank said as he ran to the other side of the table and hugged the man. Gerard was extremely flattered that his name was even on the cake, but he supposed this was when he finally realized that he was a part of this family. He walked over to the man and held his hand out.  
  
“Thank you, John,” he said softly. Frank smiled from the other side of John and watched the exchange. John smiled, too, giving his head a slight shake before pulling Gerard into his arms and hugging him tightly.  
  
“You’re welcome, son. Now, let’s eat some cake!” The family all ate their weight in cake and retired to their rooms just as the sunset.  
  
  
“So, does it look good?” Gerard asked. Frank looked over the application and then nodded his head in approval. Gerard smiled and hit ‘ _Submit._ ’  
  
“We’ll pick up your transcript from the front office tomorrow?” Frank asked. Gerard nodded. “Wanna stay over tonight? My mom washed the last clothes you left here so you have some for tomorrow.” Gerard nodded his head once again and rubbed his eyes sleepily. They crawled into bed and Gerard leaned his head on Frank’s shoulder. It was moments like these where Frank’s breath caught in his throat and he felt like he _had_ to confess his, but he couldn’t give in. They were so close to Gerard’s talk with Ray. That was more important. As soon as Gerard’s breathing evened out, Frank leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of his head and then leaned his head against his.  
  
Frank laid there for a while just thinking of nothing and everything. He thought about that time he was seven and fell off his bike, because he remembered his father running up to him so concerned that he was hurting. His mind fast forward to the time he was eleven and he came home beaten up for accidentally stepping on a big kid’s new shoes. His father didn’t even bat an eye. By that time, he was spending most of his time in his study like a cliché fuck, just handed him a box of Band-Aid’s and left him be. He supposed that should’ve been the red flag that his dad wasn’t going to be there anymore, but he was too young to see anything.  
  
He turned over to face Gerard and held him closely to his chest. This was the first time he was doing this, but he didn’t care if Gerard woke up at all. He just needed to wait until his birthday and then he could let everything that had been inside his heart. He could tell Gerard he was in love with him and maybe they could be together if Frank’s instincts were correct and Gerard liked him, too. Maybe he could win over Gerard’s heart and not the other person Gerard had spoken of earlier. He nearly growled in frustration at the thought but settled for holding the older man tighter.  
  
Gerard stirred, curling his arms into Frank’s chest and then stilling again. Frank looked down at him and thought about how complete his life would be if he could go to sleep in this position every night with this same person. He wouldn’t need anything else if he did. He wouldn’t need some big career or magical life spent in a big corporation or being in that band he’d always wanted to start, because all he would need was Gerard. Gerard was his everything at that terrified him; he was only sixteen while Gerard is already legally an adult everywhere.  
  
Deep in his heart and buried in his mind, he knew that he and Gerard weren’t meant to always be together, side by side, but that didn’t mean he was going to back away without trying. In the end, it was Gerard’s choice to determine what would make him happy and if that person ended up not being Frank, then he would have to respect that. He would pull himself out of Gerard’s life, no matter now selfish that sounded, because he couldn’t stand to be in his life knowing he belong to someone else. He would hate to see the taller man’s eyes fill with love when looking at another person, he would hate for them to see how he looked right now as he slept, he would hate for him to hold someone else’s hand so freely and he was afraid. Frank Iero was terrified of Gerard Way and his love for the older man, but he’d stick it out, because he was positive he’d regret it for the rest of his life if he just walked away.  
  
Frank sighed as he looked about his room and thought about how different his life would be if his dad hadn’t taken his own life. He wouldn’t have known John, Helena wouldn’t have been born, and maybe Frank wouldn’t have been happy. Maybe Mikey would’ve had different thoughts and Gerard would still be a happy guy, maybe his group of friends wouldn’t have drifted so far apart. Even though that universe was filled with his life without Gerard, he wouldn’t have minded that being his world because at least Gerard would’ve been happy. Maybe in that world, due to the neglect and unhappiness his childhood home caressed him with, he would’ve taken his own life, or simply run away. He shook his head of those thoughts because he couldn’t allow his mind to travel back down into the world of self-harm. Not while he was in the happy place he was in now.  
  
He stared at his closed closet door and remembered his guitar. He should start playing again, because it always managed to pull him out of his slumps. After his father died, he played and played and played until his fingers bled and then played some more, because it was the only way he knew how to get the pain out. He remembered writing a hate song about his father but then immediately burning it after its completion. Now, he couldn’t remember the lyrics if his life depended on it and that was how he wanted it. Starting tomorrow, he thought, he’d play again. Maybe he’d come up with something for Gerard and confess to him that way because he was a romantic at heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next two chapters I upload are THE chapters. Frank's birthday, Halloween, Ray's confession and Gerard's reaction. All that good stuff. So please look forward to it? I'm super excited! 


	19. Drowning Lessons Pt. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These next couple of chapters are sort of heavy. Some of it may be upsetting, so please be safe.

Within the next week and a half, Frank was completely on edge. Gerard noticed his strange behavior but decided it was about his birthday coming up, so he would let it be. They were currently in his room reading books they exchanged. Gerard was very into the book while Frank’s eyes were reading the words but his mind was elsewhere causing him to have to return to the beginning of the page every few sentences. It was beginning to frustrate him so he closed his book and set it down next to him.  
  
“What’s on your mind?” Gerard asked, looking at him over the book. Frank gave him a small grin, shaking his head. He had nothing he wanted to tell Gerard. His birthday was in two days and he was dying in his mind. He found his stomach in a constant twist every time he looked at Gerard. He knew it was a possibility that Gerard never wanted to see him again, but Frank hoped he could understand from his point of view. It wasn’t his place to tell Gerard even though he knew. From the beginning, he was only just an outsider in this situation. He’d help, but they needed to do all of this on their own; he _prayed_ Gerard understood that.  
  
“No,” he said, and then paused before continuing. “Actually, I need to talk to you about something,” he said hesitantly. Gerard’s heart raced and he slowly closed his book, setting it beside him on the floor where they were currently sitting. Gerard stared over at Frank’s small figure leaning against the desk with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He was a work of art in Gerard’s opinion; he could draw him all day. He nodded at the other man, asking him to go on. Frank shifted slightly, straightening his back out and taking a deep breath.  
  
“Ray wants to meet up with you on Halloween. To talk. Um, about Mikey,” Frank said, gesturing a lot more than he normally would due to nerves. Gerard raised a brow.  
  
“He decided on Halloween?” He asked. That was Frank’s birthday and even though he’d told Gerard he wanted to spend it alone, he was still planning on coming over to spend time with him. Frank never left him alone when he needed him and he was determined to return the favor. He owed him at least that much. Frank shook his head.  
  
“Actually, I did.” Gerard squinted his eyes slightly in confusion. “Well, of course I asked him if that worked for him,” Frank said. Something about this sentence made Gerard’s anger flare up.  
  
“What if it didn’t work for _me_?” He asked through gritted teeth. “Did you make it on that day just so I wouldn’t _bother_ you, Frank?” He asked another. Frank averted his eyes. That wasn’t exactly it, Frank thought. He asked to be alone that day so he could follow them. Gerard wouldn’t ask questions because he naturally liked to spend his birthday alone, ever since he father rid them of himself. “That was a real shit thing to do.” Frank flinched at the tone of Gerard’s voice. It seemed as though they suddenly backtracked these past couple of months and he was just the small freshman meddling in business that wasn’t his own. They sat in silence for a few moments before Frank decided to speak.  
  
“Gerard, I-”  
  
“What time?” Gerard asked curtly, interrupting him. Frank sighed softly, abruptly tired.  
  
“After school. At four, at that café on Main Street,” Frank mumbled. Gerard nodded and stood up, grabbing his things. Frank stood up as well. “What are you doing?” He asked.  
  
“Leaving you alone. That _is_ what you want, isn’t it?”  
  
“No. It isn’t, but if you want to leave, I won’t stop you. I’ll see you soon, Gerard,” Frank said softly into the quietness of his room. Gerard shrugged his backpack on and looked back at him before walking out of his room. Frank let him go. He knew he didn’t deserve to run after him, because there was nothing to justify his reasoning, because it hardly made sense to even himself. Frank picked up the book he left on the floor and put it back on his bookshelf before staring around his room. It felt empty now that Gerard had left, as it always did when Frank went to drop him off at home. Without his best friend there, it was just another cold house sitting along the curb amongst the other houses, nothing special, nothing different. It clicked in Frank head just then that _Gerard_ was his home and he cursed himself for letting him leave so easily. He probably disappointed the other man, but there was nothing he could do. Gerard would ask too many questions that he couldn’t and didn’t want to answer. He shut off his light and climbed into bed fully clothed. Something about doing that always made him drift off easier. He slept full through the night, hoping his problems, that technically weren’t even his, would go away and the two men could just be happy with one another.  
  
Gerard laid in his bed that night, glaring up at the ceiling. The logical side of his brain told him that Frank was doing it for a good reason, but the irrational side didn’t want to hear it. It was the fact that Frank was going to let Gerard handle this on his own, offering him no support that he would surely need come Halloween. He wanted to hate him, but he never could. He loved Frank and always wanted to be near him, which was why walking away was hard but realizing Frank wasn’t coming after him was even harder. He felt abandoned by the one person he thought he could count on. He turned over on his side and looked over at the empty bed that he wished his brother was lying in now, rather than the hard, cold, wooden box buried under. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to rid his mind of Mikey’s casket being lowered. He shuddered, wishing he’d looked away just as he parents had. He owed it to his little brother to at least bury him properly, especially since he died alone, thinking no one loved him. He thought back to when his brother told him that he loved him very much and how great of a brother and best friend he was before thinking about how much Mikey must have been disappointed in him just before he knocked the stool out from under his feet. Thinking about it now, he basically tied the noose for his brother and encouraged him to slip it around his neck.  
  
He slapped his hands onto his face and shoved his body to face the other way. _No_ , he thought. _I’ve made a lot of progress_. It wasn’t his fault, he had to remind himself. It was no one’s fault, he repeated in his head. Not even Mikey was to blame, the line a mantra in his head. Sure, he was angry with his brother, but he wasn’t going to blame him for hurting. Gerard himself was guilty of extremely dark thoughts, but he didn’t think he’d have the strength to put up something to end his life. It’d never actually crossed his mind until after Mikey died. After that, it seemed to come naturally. He could face death with a smile and a promise to be with his brother again; that is, until Frank came into his life. Now he found another reason to struggle picking up a blade. Even after what happened tonight, Frank was still the most important person to Gerard now, right next to Mikey. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to sleep that night, but it came easier than expected and he was grateful to have slept through the whole night.  
  
“Frank? Aren’t you getting up for school?” His mother called from the doorway. He peaked his head out of the covers and flinched at her gleaming smile. She looked exhausted, but happy. Helena was wearing his mother out but in the best way. He hadn’t seen his mother this happy since she came home one day and sat Frank down to tell him about a man she’d met while out at the store. Frank remembered feeling uncomfortable and yet strangely not upset about his mother replacing his father with some other man. He pulled the covers over his head and slightly grunted.  
  
“Mom, can I use two days from my vacation time?” He asked. His mother was silent for a moment, no doubt looking at her son bundled under the blankets with a worried expression on her face. Every year, his mother gave him so many days that he was allowed to use if he felt too much pressure or felt very upset and didn’t want to go to school. There was normally no more than fifteen days every year, but one year he remembered have to miss school for three weeks because he was depressed and it caused him to get sick. It was a time in his life he didn’t like to remember, so he shut it away.  
  
“Of course. May I ask what’s wrong?” She asked.  
  
“I’ll tell you tomorrow?” He offered.  
  
“Okay, sweetheart. Remember that both John and I are here for you if you need someone to talk to. You don’t have to go through anything alone. I love you, baby,” she said, her voice oozing with affection. He smiled softly under the blankets, happy with who his mother was.  
  
“I love you, too, mom. Thanks,” he said. He heard the soft click of the door closing and he sighed. His mother was a good person trying to help her son in any way that she could, and Frank thought she was doing an amazing job. He’d have to repay her one day.  
  
He really didn’t want to see Gerard knowing the other man wouldn’t want him anywhere near him, so he decided staying home was best. He’d use this time to prepare himself for Halloween. Even though he wasn’t the one who really needed to be nervous, he was just sincerely afraid of how Gerard was going to react. He just wanted everyone to be happy and friends again, but who knew what Gerard would do after hearing what Ray has to say.  
  
Gerard went through his entire day at school noticing the other boy’s absence. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. He wasn’t sure if Frank was taking the day off because of him or because of his father. From what Linda had told him, his birthday was a _very_ sensitive time for him. He hated celebrating and liked to be left alone, locked in his room, making no sounds whatsoever. His mother also told him that as soon as his birthday was done and over with, he’d come out of his room and resume everything as if nothing had happened. She mentioned in passing that Frank was prone to locking himself up a day or two beforehand so Gerard was genuinely confused on whether he should feel guilty or not.  
  
He was walking home right after school, something he definitely wasn’t used to anymore, when his phone rang, startling him. He pulled it out of his pocket, hoping for it to be Frank but deflated upon seeing an unknown number. Reluctantly, he answered.  
  
“Hello?” He answered hesitantly.  
  
“Hello there. I’m looking for Gerard Way, this is Jenna calling from the New York Academy of Art,” the lady on the phone explained. Gerard stayed silent for a moment, not believing this phone call was actually happening. Were they calling him to let him know they weren’t interested? Were they even allowed to do that?  
  
“Yes, this is him,” he said, feeling almost embarrassed having to answer with such a sentence. It somehow made him feel snobby and he hated it.  
  
“Hello, Gerard! I was calling to inform you that the application you submitted was processed and all that and we’d love for you to come up to the school for an interview! We’d love to meet you.” Gerard could actually smile a smile that could spilt his face, but he opted for biting his lip and holding it down.  
  
“Oh, wow, really?” He said excitedly. The lady on the line laughed softly.  
  
“Yes. We looked over the art you attached to your application and we really love it. If we can set up a time for you to come on up and show you around, tell you all about our school in detail, and all that, we’d love for you for join our school,” she said, excitement laced in her voice. Gerard thought it was safe to say that she enjoyed her job or she was really good at acting like it.  
  
“Anytime on the weekends would be great!” Gerard said.  
  
“All righty! How does November the seventh at three in the afternoon sound? It’s a Saturday. Would that give you enough time to get here?” She asked. He thought it over. He didn’t want his parents driving him up to where he was planning on going to college. He didn’t want them to know where he was going to be going. Maybe he could ask Frank? Sure, he was upset with him but he wouldn’t be forever.  
  
“Sure, that sounds great! I’ll get everything set. You have my e-mail, right? Would you mind e-mailing me that information to make sure I have everything right?” He asked.  
  
“Of course! I’ll send over that e-mail and if anything changes, I’ll make sure to send an update. We’ll see you up here on the seventh, Gerard. Have a good day!” She said. Gerard hummed along and gave her a likewise before hanging up. After pocketing his phone, he finally cracked and smiled happily. He changed his direction and headed for Frank’s home.  
  
“Gerard? Is everything okay?” Linda asked as she opened the door. Normally Gerard wouldn’t come over if Frank hadn’t attended school, so she found it surprising that he was standing before her.  
  
“Yes. I need to see Frank, though.” Linda frowned slightly before giving him a small sad smile.  
  
“Sweetheart, I don’t think Frank wants to see anyone. He’s locked himself in his room already,” she explained.  
  
“Please? I have some good news that I need to tell him about,” Gerard insists. Linda sighs softly before stepping aside to let him in.  
  
“Go ahead on up. Maybe he’ll open the door for you. If he doesn’t, please don’t take it to heart,” she warned, giving him a soft smile and a shoulder squeeze. He nodded, returning her smile before heading upstairs. He stared at Frank’s closed door before softly knocking.  
  
“Frank? It’s Gerard. Um, can I come in?” He asked. It was silent so he pressed his ear to the door. There was nothing but the humming of the central air that he could hear. “Frank?” He knocked again. “I have good news I want to share with you.” He felt someone press against the door before sliding down. He soon followed, kneeling down to where he assumed Frank was.  
  
“What is it?” Frank asked through the door, muffling his voice. He sounded upset, Gerard noted.  
  
“Can I come in?” Gerard asked again.  
  
“I don’t want anyone to see me right now. I’m sorry, Gerard,” he said. Gerard sighed softly, but listened to what Linda had just told him. He couldn’t take any of this to heart, because it was just how Frank dealt with things. He didn’t have anyone to help him through his slump and now he ends up pushing people away when he needed them most. He didn’t let anyone into his life very easily and Gerard was just thankful that he was able to sit on the floor with him, even with a door between them, and talk to him when they both needed it. Maybe one day, Frank wouldn’t need the door anymore.  
  
“It’s okay. I got a call from the school. They want to interview me November seventh!” Gerard exclaimed. “Road trip?” He asked. Frank was silent for a while before answering.  
  
“Of course. I’m extremely proud of you, Gerard,” he said, a smile felt through the door. They both stayed there for a moment, just leaning their weight against each other despite the door. Gerard smiled because his life was finally looking up. Frank let the tears run down his face as he realizes that Gerard is happy only for it to be ruined tomorrow and possibly ruin his chances of going to college, and if it doesn’t then his best friend will be moving away. Right now, there wasn’t much positive in his life. Everything around him was becoming suffocating, and he wasn’t even sure what he wanted. He felt this feeling of wanting to run away squeezing his mind and planting itself in his heart. Frank looked over to his closet and decided it was time to pull out his guitar again. He swiftly stood and made his way across his room, grabbing the guitar and returning to his seat against the door. He knew Gerard was still there, probably listening to every move he was making. He pulled the guitar in his lap and strummed it, cringing at hearing how out of tune it was. After fixing his strings, he strummed again and smiled at how nice it sounded. It brought him back to when he was a little boy and his father brought this home one day, telling him that he’d probably enjoy it, and he was right. His dad knew him well, which led his mind to ask if whether or not his father cared about how his suicide would affect him. He sighed again before searching his mind for a song he had once learned how to play and leaned his head back in a twisted way of triumph when he remembered one. He strummed it to the tune and opened his mouth to softly sing.  
  
‘ _Sometimes in our lives we all have pain_  
 _We all have sorrow._  
 _But if we are wise,_  
 _We know that there’s always tomorrow.’_  
  
Frank felt Gerard shift against the door through his back and smiled because even if there was a huge possibility that Gerard wouldn’t be there for him after tomorrow, he was here now and that was enough for him.  
  
 _‘Lean on me, when you’re not strong_  
 _And I’ll be your friend._  
 _I’ll help you carry on,_  
 _For it won’t be long ‘til I’m gonna need_  
 _Somebody to lean on.’_  
  
Gerard leaned his head against the door, listening to Frank’s raspy voice full of pure emotion. He suddenly felt like he could listen to Frank sing forever, and that was all there was to it. He didn’t care about anything else but Frank right now. He was sad when Frank suddenly stopped and then sighed.  
  
“Frank? Please let me come in?” He tried again. Frank thought for a moment before standing to unlock his door. He just wanted to hold Gerard again just in case this was his last chance. He opened the door and looked at Gerard’s smiling face. It pained him to know that it would probably disappear soon, but he shook those thoughts away. He pulled the taller man inside and locked the door again. He watched as Gerard put his backpack down before facing him and giving him a shy smile, no doubt proud of himself for getting an interview at the college he wanted to go to. Frank tried to return it but all he was capable of was a twitch of his lips.  
  
“Your singing is good,” Gerard said. “I didn’t know you played guitar,” he noted after a moment. Frank nodded as he sat down on his bed.  
  
“I haven’t played in a couple of years though, but I’m planning on getting back into it,” Frank explained, gesturing for Gerard to come and sit next to him. Gerard sits and Frank automatically pulls Gerard into his arms and holds him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Gerard,” he said, his voice shaking from tears. He sighed softly in happiness when Gerard’s arms wrapped around his waist and hugged Frank back tightly.  
  
“It’s okay. I’m not mad anymore,” Gerard assured. Frank let his tears out because he wasn’t talking about what had already happen, but what is going to happen. Part of him wanted to skip out on following them just so he didn’t have to see Gerard _break_ , but he needed to do it for his best friend. They stayed silent, just holding one another. “Thank you for letting me in, by the way,” Gerard murmured against Frank’s neck, causing him to shiver, his breath softly tickling his skin.  
  
“I’d never leave you out there, Gerard. I can’t say that enough,” he said, pulling away but keeping Gerard close. Frank and Gerard both realize how close their faces are but say nothing and instead stare into each other’s eyes. Gerard glances at Frank’s lips, licking his own, before looking back up to his eyes. The act doesn’t go unnoticed by Frank, but he decides not to do anything unless Gerard initiates it.  
  
“Frank,” Gerard murmured, looking back down at his lips. And as if Frank had angered some God, Gerard wasted no moment in leaning forward and pressing his lips against Frank’s in an almost desperate manner. _No_ , Frank thought, _not right now_. But he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. He knew he should, but he was selfish. He’d always been selfish. So rather than pull away, Frank grabbed Gerard by his jaw and pulled him closer, promptly deepening the kiss. Although Gerard was surprised, he couldn’t help but push more into Frank, letting a soft moan out.  
  
“Gerard,” Frank pulled away. Gerard kissed him again. “Gerard, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now,” he said, pulling away again. Gerard registered what he said and moved his entire body to the other side of the bed, embarrassed of being denied. “No, it’s not you, Gerard,” Frank said, putting his hand over Gerard’s slightly shaking one. He flinches, making Frank frown but keep his hand on his own. “If you still want to do this, us, after tomorrow, then I would absolutely love that. But I want to stop now just in case you don’t,” he explains.  
  
“How,” Gerard clears his throat, “What kind of thing does Ray have to tell me?” He asks, hesitantly. Frank shakes his head, giving him an agonizing look.  
  
“It’s not my place to say. I really can’t tell you. This is Ray’s story; I’m not allowed to tell.” Gerard grimaced but nodded in understanding. If Frank couldn’t tell him, then it must be serious, but that didn’t help to settle his nerves.  
  
“Okay. I don’t think anything can change how I feel about you, though,” Gerard confessed, a soft blush painting his cheeks. Frank wanted to scream and cry and hit things because that’s what he’s been wanting to hear come out of Gerard’s mouth for what seems like an eternity and he can’t even respond to it. He can’t tell him his actual feelings for the fear of being rejected afterwards haunting him. Gerard wouldn’t want him after he knew that Frank knew for almost a month about his brother’s reason for leaving him. He’d be disgusted that Frank still held him close and allowed himself to develop feelings for Gerard in the first place.  
  
Instead of replaying, he decided to hug Gerard again, hoping to pass his feelings through to the other man without having to verbally respond. Thankfully, the older teen hugged him back tightly and left it at that. When Gerard left his room that night, his smile was big, but Frank knew it wouldn’t last long on his face. He’d spoken to Ray earlier and talked him out of backing out, so everything that had been planned was being followed through. There was no going back. This was it, Frank thought to himself.  
  
After Gerard left, Frank called his mother to his room and she rushed over, glad he was speaking and taking guests in his room.  
  
“Everything okay, Frank?” She asked. He gave her the twitch of his lips, all he was giving away right now before opening his mouth.  
  
“I need a favor, mom,” he said. He gestured for him to continue. “Gerard has an interview in New York for an Art school on the seventh of November. He asked me for a ride, but after tomorrow, I don’t think he’ll want to speak with me again for a long time, if not at all. So I was wondering if you’d take him. He feels at ease with you. I know it’s a lot to ask, but would you be okay with taking him?” he asked, his voice hardly above a whisper, sounding defeated and void of any happiness.  
  
“What’s going on, Frank? I’m all for giving you your space, but this sounds serious. Can you explain what’s going on to me?” She asked, hoping to get some kind of information out him involving the other boy. It was obvious to her that they both held feelings for one another and Gerard had seemed eager for something to happen between the two and while she was positive Frank adored him, she wondered why he was pulling back. It hurt her to see her son in so much pain and not able to do anything about it. The most she could do was offer a listening ear.  
  
“Remember when he told you his brother took his own life?” She nodded. “For a while now, he has been looking for the reason and he asked me to help and I sort of offered.” She nodded again, watching as he twiddled with his hands from nerves. “Well, I know what happened and I talked to the person who was involved with Mikey personally and kind of romantically and I talked him into telling Gerard, but I put the date for their talk way back from when I found out,” he explained.  
  
“How long ago did you find out, sweetie?” She asked, taking a seat on his bed next to him and holding his hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb.  
  
“Remember the day he and I came home with a huge bag of sweets?” Her eyes widened.  
  
“That long ago?” Frank nodded, feeling ashamed of himself even more now that he’s said it out loud. She hugged him tightly. “Why did you wait so long?”  
  
“It wasn’t my place to tell him. I was waiting for when Ray was ready on his own and that turned out to be the day we took the placement test. You know how hard Gerard studied for it. I wanted him to be happy for a little bit before he found out. I decided to set the date for Halloween because I didn’t want him to ask me to come along. I know that sounds bad, mom, but I was planning on following them into the café and everything,” he said, hardly taking a breath and feeling guiltier than ever.  
  
“Frank, you shouldn’t feel bad, okay? You did nothing wrong, you’re just looking out for a friend and I’m sure Gerard will understand that,” she said, trying to soothe him. “I’ll take him to his interview if things go badly, okay? That’s a promise.” Frank loved his mom dearly and was happy that she hadn’t let her husband’s suicide affect her as much as Frank had. He was positive she was paranoid that maybe John would do the same, but after Helena was born, he knew she was paranoid no longer. His mother was the strongest person he knew. He was proud to be her son.


	20. Drowning Lessons Pt. Two

Gerard practically danced home, feeling on top of the world. Frank had shown that his feelings were the same as Gerard’s and he wanted to be with him; he couldn’t be happier. His life was finally looking up. He was getting into the college he wanted, he found a best friend and new love who cared so much for him, and he was set to be Valedictorian. He was finally truly happy and it was all thanks to Frank. He’d really have to thank him one day.  
  
Once he got home, he was surprised to find his parents sitting in the living room together holding hands. Since Mikey’s passing, they hated being in the same room, but a month or so ago, he noticed the fighting stop and the affection in their relationship come back. Although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he smiled at the couple and went on to his room. If his parents were happy, that was good. He didn’t really care one way or the other because he wasn’t going to be here much longer, but he would say that he was content with how they were now. He sat on his bed just smiling at nothing and at everything. He was where he wanted to be now, and even though he wished Mikey were here to share this happiness with him, Gerard was positive he felt it. Mikey was always the happy-go-lucky guy in the group and he was proud of his brother for remaining strong for so long.  
  
He laid down and stared at the ceiling, thinking over how tomorrow was going to end. After his talk with Ray, he’d probably head to the store to buy something for Frank and then go give it to him. Gerard was positive that this Halloween was going to be one he wouldn’t forget. He was thankful to the younger man who was now becoming seventeen. It felt a little weird that he would be dating Frank because of the age difference, but there was nothing wrong with it because they were both going to be happy. He just wanted his talk to be over and done with, so he could spend his time with Frank. He hated to think of Frank sitting alone at home with nothing but the thoughts of a birthday he could have had, had his father not given in to his demons. It was wrong to think that, he knew, but Gerard couldn’t help but resent Frank’s father for him for destroying someone who could’ve been the happiest kid alive. Sure, Frank was a happy man now, but his smile was held together by willpower and tape because he ran out of glue.  
  
He still had yet to ask Frank what his father was like, but he decided now was a bad time with where his mind currently was because of his birthday. Gerard figured doing his homework would get his mind off of his best friend until midnight when he would send a happy birthday text his way. His math was probably the easiest to complete, only a few pages of equations while English beat him down a bit. He was very good at writing essays, but his prompt was challenging: Write about a family memory. It was difficult because he didn’t have a lot of good memories, but one did spring to mind.  
  
Back when Gerard and Mikey were both very young, their parents decided a trip to the beach would be nice. They packed up the car and headed off. The whole car ride was filled with singing their favorite songs that came on the radio and laughing at some stupid things each other said. Mikey and Gerard had both laughed to the point of tears and pain in their sides, and they couldn’t be happier with how much fun they were having. Once they finally arrived at the beach, the boys and their father all ran to the sea and jumped into the first wave they could get to. It was Gerard’s favorite memory with his parents and brother, and actually their last. A couple of weeks after that, their father got a promotion and spent more time away from their home; as a result, their mother became harder to please and was easily agitated. Most of the day she was fine and fun sometimes, but once dinner time rolled around and their father was late once again, she became detached and would get frustrated if they so much as sighed wrong.  
  
They hardly spent time as a family anymore when their father finally had a day off, it was always only their mother and father going on an outing together as if the boys’ existence was a nuisance on their relationship. Thankfully, that was around the time they met Ray and Bob came along a year later. Ray, Gerard thought, was always all-knowing. Like he could make accurate guesses based upon his surroundings, much like Frank. Maybe that was why the two could get along so well and knew when to step away before butting heads. Bob was the silent guy who could tell when you’re upset and would offer a listening ear.

  
Those two guys were the Way brothers’ wall and attachment to sanity. Without them, they probably would’ve been all alone, so Gerard and Mikey always did their best to make it up to them. Offered their home for their gaming tournaments and movie marathons, cooked the food during their weekend sleepovers, because they knew how to take care of themselves. Because their parents were always gone on the weekends, they cooked for themselves and washed their own clothes and would do the grocery shopping with the allowance they received because their mother couldn’t be bothered with ‘cooking for someone who wouldn’t show up anyways.’  
  
Gerard shook his head to forget about that. Everything was as fine as they could be despite his brother being gone. He had Linda’s home cooking, a new family who actually cared about him and his wellbeing, and a best friend who had proven to him time and time again that he would do anything for him, even if it hurt him. Although Gerard wasn’t crazy about how little Frank cared for himself, he was grateful.  
  
Once midnight rolled around, he pulled his phone out and sent Frank a happy birthday and, after some thought, a heart after it. He tossed his phone down on the desk in front of him before covering his face in embarrassment. He regretted sending the heart. Would Frank think it was weird? Would he laugh at him? Would he completely ignore it? Would that even make Gerard feel better? He didn’t have time to guess the worst scenario because Frank’s reply came. He fumbled for it and opened the message.  
  
‘ _Thank you <3_’  
  
And then he was relieved. He smiled to himself, thinking about how their relationship would change soon. He’d be able to hold the young man without having to worry if he was being too weird, he’d be able to kiss him and hold his hand and protect him from all the harm that could possibly be out to get him, including the man himself. Gerard knew it was only a matter of time before Frank needed the help he was giving him. Finally, feeling tired after completing his homework along with some studying, he laid down in bed, hoping for tomorrow to be over quick so he could finally be with Frank.  
  
Frank couldn’t sleep that night, scared of what tomorrow held. Suddenly, a part of him wished he’d just left Gerard alone, but he knew the older man was the best thing to ever happen to him. Not even Helena was as important as Gerard, but maybe that’s because the little infant held as a reminder that John was here to stay. He didn’t mind the man. In fact, he really liked him, but John wasn’t his dad and he never could be. Frank didn’t _want_ him to be. With Helena here, it became clear to Frank that they were both here to stay. The smile on his mother’s face was so big and it pained him because he wasn’t the only one to make her like that anymore. He was jealous of a baby despite being, now, seventeen, causing him to feel even more ashamed. Her loved her, no doubt, and she going to be raised by two amazing people and he’s going to try to be an amazing brother while he’s here, but he can’t help but feel envious of her soon-to-be cozy upbringing.  
  
Frank spent most of the next day pacing in his room and occasionally running to the restroom to puke up into the toilet due to nerves. He couldn’t take the gut-wrenching feelings anymore and decided getting ready to go out was a way to take it off his mind. It was only three in the afternoon, but he decided he would get to the café early. He’d been texting Ray all day to assure him that he would be there. He came up with a signal he could use in case Gerard became too violet or something of the sort and Frank could step in and try to help. The signal was to pull on his earlobe and cough, something Ray had come up with. The whole idea of today was to go to the café and get comfortable with each other before heading out to the park near the shop and that’s when Ray was going to tell him.  
  
When Frank was dressed and ready, he went downstairs and gave his mother a look of sorrow that said it all.  
  
“Good luck, sweetheart,” she said softly in the quiet room. Frank gave her a forced smile, trying his best to make it real, but failing. She understood and gave him a nod before waving at him as he left. He got into the car and buckled up, and taking a few deep breaths. He was on the edge of his seat, practically dying from his nerves. He didn’t know what he would do at all if Gerard got really upset. He’d met Gerard when he was in his ‘shut down’ stage, but Ray had mentioned that his behavior was extremely erratic in the beginning and he didn’t know how he’d deal with that. It was selfish, but what he was most afraid of was losing his relationship with Gerard- the romantic relationship- and going back to the guy who was popular within his fake friends. He hadn’t talked to them in a few months, but if things went extremely south with Gerard, he could try to weasel his way back into the group. Maybe they’d let him.  
  
If Gerard made it clear that he didn’t want Frank in his life anymore, but there was nothing Frank could do but comply with his wishes. After all, everything he did now was for the older man. Sure, he was positive that he’d probably die without his best friend, but if that’s what Gerard wanted, then that’s what Frank would give him. From the beginning, he was sure that Gerard was going to be the one who grew wings and flew away from him, and maybe this was the time it was going to happen. He couldn’t keep Gerard so restrained in his grip. He loved Gerard to his final breath, but he’d let him go if that’s what the other man wanted.  
  
He arrived at the café faster than he wished and went inside. He ordered a small hot chocolate, fitting for the season and took a seat in a small booth in the back. From here, he had a good view of the whole café, but there wouldn’t be many people who could see him from how the café was designed. Even if they did, he planned to keep in head down and his hoodie up to keep his face concealed. He told Ray where he would be sitting so the man knew to choose a spot decently close to him, but not too close to be recognized. He looked at the time on his phone. He now had to wait half an hour until they came in here. He sighed, wishing he hadn’t been too impatient.  
  
Gerard sat at his tree in the school yard waiting for Ray to come back. He’d forgotten a book in his locker and needed to tell Bob he was going home alone. He didn’t know if the two men were a couple since he hadn’t seen anything aside from the kiss all those months ago, but it wasn’t any of his business so he wouldn’t bother with it. Whatever Ray and Bob were or did with each other was any of his concern, but he was worried because they would always be his friends, even if he was terrible at being one right now. He smiled softly, thinking that it was finally time to get back to his small group, Frank included. They could become a new group in honor of Mikey, he thought. After all, Bob was right. Mikey wouldn’t want things to continue on as they have been. Gerard figured today was the day to apologize to Ray, and then Bob soon, and tell him he was ready to come back.  
  
“Hey, I’m ready to go. Sorry about that. I’m forgetful,” Ray said as he jogged up. Gerard stood, a small smile on his face which shocked Ray and made him feel guiltier than ever.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s get to the café, I could use some tea right about now,” Gerard said. They walked to the student parking lot and got in Ray’s car. After buckling in, Gerard turned to him.  
  
“So what do you have to tell me?” He asked. Ray tensed as he started the car.  
  
“I’ll tell you after some drinks, yeah? I just wanna talk for a bit first.” Gerard shrugged and the two were on their way. Ray sat driving, trying not to soil his pants while Gerard hummed softly to the song playing on the radio. Ray felt terrible because Gerard was in an extremely great mood and he was no doubt about to ruin it. He wished he’d been honest with Mikey from the start and told him he loved him too, but he was too afraid. And it was too late. And he was gone, forever. It was something Ray had to live with for the rest of his life, knowing one of his best friend’s took his own life partially because he didn’t have the guts to say he loved him, too. It was something Ray thought about every day since Gerard went over and told him the news. It was a nightmare he had every night. Always the same.  
  
In his dreams, he’d been standing before Mikey as he put his head through the loop of the rope. He always ran to try and stop him, but his body wouldn’t move. Every time before the younger boy let himself fall, he’d look directly at Ray and say, “Why couldn’t you just tell me?” and then he was gone. He thought he was going to be able to keep this information to himself for the rest of his life, but after meeting Frank, he knew he’d find out sooner or later. He was relieved when he did finally get that message from the sixteen-year-old and although he was scared, he felt a weight off of his shoulders when he finally said everything out loud. When Frank had stated that he wanted him to tell Gerard, he’d never been more terrified about anything in his life, and now here he was. About to do that. About to confess his sin to his best friend. About to lose him, too.  
  
He was aware that Frank was risking a lot, too, and it was something that the man had brought up to him once, saying he was frightened he was going to lose him. It was then Ray had realized the freshman’s feelings for Gerard and that’s also when he realized Frank more at risk than he was. He felt for him.  
  
The two men ordered their drinks and after Ray spotted and made small eye contact with Frank in the back corner, he chose the booth right in front of him.  
  
“So, what are you planning on doing after high school?” Gerard asked after a few awkward minutes of silence. Ray stared down at his drink, slightly afraid to drink anything out of fear of pissing himself.  
  
“I’m actually in a band. After I graduate, we’re planning on going on a small tour,” he said. They band was Ray’s life. Well, that and Bob. His boyfriend. They’ve been together for about five months. He loved Mikey, yes, but he was more than fine with Bob being his life partner. They’d been through a lot together after all.  
  
“That’s pretty cool, man. You always talked about being in one. I hope that works out for you,” Gerard smiled. Ray returned it, and then decided to take a drink of his Dr. Pepper.  
  
“Thanks,” he nodded. “What about you?” He asked. Gerard lit up instantly.  
  
“I’m going to art school. In fact, I have an interview with my first choice on the seventh. Frank and I are going together. I’m really excited!” He exclaimed, sipping happily on his tea. Ray felt as though his heart was ready to burst. Gerard was just so _happy_ now, and that was a big change from the person he had recently been before Frank came along. He was shocked to see how easily the other man smiled, especially when it came to his younger friend. Ray could see it then as well; Gerard liked Frank and it made him happy as well as sad.  
  
“That’s great, Gerard! I’m sure you’ll get in, no doubt about it. You kick ass when it comes to drawing,” Ray said, causing Gerard to throw his head back slightly and laugh. He loved the look on Gerard face. He wished it would stay, but he could almost see the smile drop as he told him the news. The news that it was all Ray’s fault. The two sat in the booth making small talk and drinking their beverages until finally they were done. By that time, it was as if the two had never stopped talking, as if Mikey was still alive, as if everything was okay. And maybe it could’ve been, but the world sometimes doesn’t give you a break when you want it. Only when you need it.  
  
They exited the café and walked on to the park. They laughed at old stories of the whacky things they used to do as a group, especially on Halloween. One time, they went around stuffing huge fake bugs in people’s pockets and watching for their reactions, or that time they T.P’d the house of the guy who was giving Mikey a hard time before throwing eggs at the dude’s parent’s car. It was one of the best nights they ever had, next to their Star Wars marathon that ended with a small fire when Bob wanted to see if you could actually cook cereal. No one wanted to stop him because they, too, were curious, but that wasn’t anything they’d talk about for Bob’s sake. As the two walked along, Frank was never far behind, hearing all of what they were saying and trying to prevent his heart from breaking with how twisted the situation was. Finally, when they came to a small stone bench near the trail they were walking along, they took a seat, Frank standing behind a tree not far from where they were and out of sight. He could see Ray only, which was fine by him. He didn’t want to see how Gerard would react.  
  
“Hey, Gerard?” Ray said after a while, his voice shaking. Gerard turned and looked at him, giving him a small smile.  
  
“Yeah?” He asked. He watched as Ray took his phone out and scrolled through it before handing it to him, eyes full of tears. “What is this?” Gerard asked before peering down at the phone.  
  
 _‘February 14, 2015_  
 _ **Message from: Mikeyy :)**_  
 _I saw you and Bob kissing, but I will still love you until I die’_  
  
Gerard’s head shot up. “Ray, what is this?” He asked hesitantly. Ray averted his eyes as the tears spilled.  
  
“It was my fault, Gerard. He-He loved me and I was afraid you wouldn’t think I was good enough so I turned him down and… and this is what happened. I’m so, _so_ sorry, Gerard!” Ray cried, trying to wipe his tears away, but only managing to spread the salty liquid all over his face.  
  
“Ray, what,” he swallowed, “what the fuck are you talking about?” He whispered. Ray finally looked into his eyes and kept his gaze planted.  
  
“I’m the reason Mikey is gone,” he confessed. “He sent that message to me that night and I didn’t answer because I didn’t know _how_ to. Maybe I could’ve saved him, Gerard, but I didn’t. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I loved him and now he’s gone.” They sat there in silence for a moment before Gerard put the pieces together in his mind.  
  
 _‘Hey, Gerard, I’m in love!’_  
  
The smile on Mikey face when he said that had warmed his heart and suddenly the sad smile he had on his face made sense to Gerard. Mikey was in love with a guy. With one of their best friends. With Ray.  
  
 _‘Oh, they said no, but I’ll keep trying!’_  
  
Ray had turned him down, but his little brother was so determined to prove to their friend that he was serious about how he felt despite the age gap. Mikey loved Ray. Ray had turned him down. Ray had taken his brother.  
  
 _‘Is… Is that Ray and Bob?’_  
  
He didn’t register the pained look on his brother’s face until now, when it was much too late. Ray had turned his lovable brother down for their other friend and all of this drama was happening right in front of him. He didn’t even realize it. His brother needed him to notice how he was feeling, but he didn’t. Not until the full truth had been revealed to him.  
  
 _‘You’re the best brother and friend ever, Gerard. I love you.’_  
  
No, he wasn’t, Gerard thought. He was the worst brother anyone could ever think to want. He loved Mikey with all his heart, and he thought he was doing okay. But when it came down to the time he really _needed_ him, Gerard failed. He let him feel so much pain and let him take his life and let him die alone, thinking no one cared. He could never go back in time to tell his brother that his death would affect so many people. He could never go back and be a better sibling, giving Mikey the reassurance that he needed to live. He could never do so many things and it was his fault. It was Ray’s fault. It was Mikey’s, and his parents, and Bob’s. They’d never realized how much he was hurting. Only one person and he did _nothing_. Gerard’s let his thoughts of guilt, and blame, and hatred consume him. He turned back to the person next to him.  
  
The person Mikey was in love with and the person who turned him down, the person who broke his heart, and the person that _killed_ him was his own best friend. The man he trusted with everything he had. The man who spent countless nights at the house just to keep them company. The man who they called when they needed help beating a game. The man they were planning on being best friend’s with forever. Ray Toro.  
  
Gerard stood, clutching the phone tightly in his hands. Ray froze, and Frank got ready for the signal if it came.  
  
“Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!” He yelled. “You _kept_ the message?! What kind of _sick fuck_ does that?!” He all but screamed. Ray flinched, thankful no one was around. Far too busy getting ready for Halloween. “Is it some kind of trophy?!” Ray said nothing. “Fucking _answer me_!” He yelled, throwing the phone at Ray who didn’t catch it before it made contact with his temple, causing him to let out a yelp and clutch his head. Frank shifted, ready to go when Ray needed him to. He tried to ignore the pain in Gerard’s voice, but it was surrounding him and he wanted to go and hold him, but he needed to stay still. This needed to happen.  
  
“I’m _so_ sorry, Gerard!” Ray cried, tears streaming down his face and neck. Gerard stepped forward, causing Ray to flinch. He’d never seen him so angry, but this was about his brother and that was to be expected.  
  
“Sorry isn’t going to bring him back, Ray! If it did, I’m sure he would fucking live forever with how many times I’ve said it! Now answer me, why did you keep the message?” He repeated through gritted teeth.  
  
“It was a reminder of what I’ve done and what I didn’t do…” Ray said quietly. Gerard growled before launching himself at Ray who didn’t see in time to dodge him.  
  
“He was my _brother_ , Ray! He was my brother and you _took him away_ from me!” Gerard sobbed, landing blows to the other’s face. His own hands were throbbing from the hits, but he didn’t care. Pain was the only thing the world had delivered to him, and he knew now that it was a friend. Pain was the only one there for him, alongside Frank, who was his anchor to the world.  
  
“Frank!” Ray yelled, catching Gerard off guard. Before the older man knew it, he was being pulled off of Ray.  
  
“No! _No_! Let me _go_! He deserves it… The sick motherfucker deserves it!” He screamed, trying to fight off the person holding him back. He turned his head back and saw the face of his best friend. “What are you doing here, Frank?” He asked, his fight wearing out of him.  
  
“I wasn’t going to let you out here on your own, Gerard,” he said. Then a thought crossed Gerard’s mind.  
  
“Did you _know_ this, Frank? All of it? The whole story?” He asked, his heart racing. Frank’s face contorted in pain and that’s when he knew the answer. Gerard fought out of his grip and pushed him away. “Why didn’t _you_ , of all people, tell me?”  
  
“Gerard, I told you that it wasn’t my story to tell; It wasn’t my place,” Frank tried to reason calmly, but on the inside he was breaking. He knew he was losing his best friend. Gerard shook his head.  
  
“ _Fuck you_. I never want to see either of you again…” He said harshly before storming off, tears never ceasing to cascade down his face. Frank stood there in shocking, watching as the man walked away. The only man he’ll probably ever love.  
  
Gerard couldn’t believe any of it. Ray had been the reason and Frank had known and decided not to tell him. His reason was _bullshit_. He’d lost everyone. His brother, his best friends, and then man he loved with all his being. He couldn’t believe Frank let him kiss him while knowing what he did. He couldn’t believe Frank would stick around without telling him. He couldn’t believe he fell in love with someone like that. Gerard found himself at the gates of the cemetery where Mikey was buried. He hadn’t been there since the funeral, but maybe he could go and apologize for being a shit brother and not noticing what was going on with him.  
  
Even though he’d only followed the trail to his brother’s plot once, he could walk there with his eyes closed. He’d never forget how heavy his feet felt carrying his casket upon his shoulders; it was something he’d never forget no matter how hard he tried. Walking through this too familiar trail, he suddenly felt the hardness of the casket weighing him down, making it harder to walk. But he was determined to make it to his brother. He was determined to apologize for his ignorance. He was determined to join him as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully these were well worth the wait! Let me know how I did! Leave some feedback? <3


	21. Skylines and Turnstiles

For the next week, Gerard locked himself in his room. He didn’t attend school, but never missed an assignment due to his teachers e-mailing him the work. He didn’t eat as much, making him very weak, but he managed to keep an energy bar down so far. He slept most of the day away, not wanting to deal with reality, but he always managed to read a book or two. Frank had tried to contact him once, but Gerard deleted the message without a second glance or thought. He _hated_ the younger man. He’d betrayed him. He soiled the trust he’d given him.  
  
He sighed at his own thoughts. He could never hate Frank. He still loved him dearly, but he didn’t want to. Soon, he knew, after spending time away from him, the feelings would fade and he’d move on. He’s bleary eyes glanced at the clock after tying his shoes on and realized he only had half an hour to get to the train station. For the first few days, he decided on not going to the interview, but changed his mind. He wanted to leave the town. If he was going to live for his brother and himself, then he’d have to get as far away from the cluster of rundown buildings as possible.  
  
His parents were still asleep, which he was thankful for, because he knew they’d ask questions about where he was going. They started checking up on him often, much to his annoyance, but he just kept his mouth shut and muttered that he was fine. They pestered him to go to school, but he curtly explained that he was being e-mailed his assignments and slammed the door in their faces. He respected them for trying, but he wasn’t having it.  
  
Just as he was about to open the front door, someone began to knock. Curious, he opened the door.  
  
“Linda?” He said, raising his brow. “What are you doing here?” He asked, politely. He hadn’t seen her since before Frank’s birthday. She gave him a big smile and grabbed his wrist, pulling him along. The sudden movement, caused him to slam the door behind him and he almost grimaced, knowing the sound was sure to wake the couple upstairs sleeping. He’d be getting a phone call later. “Linda, what are you doing?” He asked.  
  
“Well, you have an interview in New York, yes?” He nodded. “Exactly. I’m taking you, so get in,” she said, unlocking the car doors by the button on her key.  
  
“You don’t have to take me. I can get there on my own,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Besides, I don’t want to see Frank.” Linda gave him a small smile.  
  
“He isn’t coming. The day before Halloween, he asked me to take you if things didn’t go well on his birthday,” she explained. He rolled his eyes, not caring about manners.  
  
“Look, if this is his way of trying to get back on my good side, then I don’t need it,” he argued. Linda’s face became serious, the playful gleam that had always been there, suddenly gone.  
  
“This is his way of trying to help you get somewhere. That’s all he’s always wanted to do, now get in the car or we’ll be late to your interview. All trains are ten minutes to leaving.” She got in the car and shut the door before starting the car. Gerard gave a soft smile to her facial features and words. He now knew where Frank got it from, and this somehow made him happy. Frank knew what was going to happen and he planned ahead. He knew what he’d done wasn’t right, but that didn’t mean he was going to let it stop Gerard from going to that interview. The one he’d been so happy to get. He went over to the passengers and got in, buckling himself.  
  
“Thank you, Linda. How has… Frank been anyways?” He asked. He gave a soft sigh as she started the car, the sound nearly going missed from the engine turning on.  
  
“He’s all right. Just getting by. He spends more time in his room just reading,” she explained. “He misses you, Gerard. We all do.” Gerard felt a pang in his chest, but he ignored it.  
  
“I don’t know if I can forgive him,” Gerard responded.  
  
“He knows,” she mumbled. They drove on in silence with nothing but oldies playing on the radio. It reminded him of how much Frank loved them. He could just hear him yelling, ‘oldies but goodies’ and it made him smile as much as it made him tear up. He needed to stop thinking about him.  
  
As they got closer and closer to New York, Gerard became more nervous. This was his future and he was terrified of fucking it up. He was glad Linda was here, though, it made him feel more at ease.  
  
“I wish you were my mother sometimes,” he said out of the blue.  
  
“You don’t mean that, Gerard. You love your mother,” she replied. “But I am very happy you like me so much.”  
  
“I wish I didn’t love her a lot of the time. She really hurt us growing up. She never laid a hand on us, but she didn’t help us mentally and emotionally. If she had done better, maybe Mikey would still-” He cut himself off. _No_ , he thought. _If Ray had done better, Mikey would definitely still be here_. Linda didn’t pester him to continue and instead stayed silent. They continued on, Gerard somehow finding the confidence he’d been lacking as they pulled up to the college.  
  
“I’ll wait here, sweetheart. After you’re done, we’ll go for some lunch. My treat, okay?” Frank’s mother said. Gerard gave her a warm smile.  
  
“Thank you, Linda,” he said, stepping out of the car and looking up at what he hoped his future was. He just wanted to get out of that fucking town and away from everyone there, especially Frank, as fast as he could. He appreciated all the younger man had done for him, but when it really came down to the most important thing he needed to know, he didn’t tell him and that’s what really mattered. As he walked to the entrance, his heart clenched. He was supposed to be coming in here with Frank, his best friend, his boyfriend, his _soulmate_ even, but that was gone. He wasn’t anything but the previous chapter to Gerard and he almost felt _bad_ because of it. Almost. Besides, he thought, if Frank had cared, he would’ve come to pick him himself rather than sending his mother.  
  
“Hello, how may I help you?” The man at the desk asked him. It was cold in the school, and the air was crisp, but he felt oddly comfortable.  
  
“Hey, I’m Gerard Way. I’m here for an interview at three,” he said. He nodded and got on the phone.  
  
“All right. They’re ready for you. Go through the door, turn left, all the way up the hall and it’s the second to the last door on the left. Good luck, man,” he offered, giving Gerard a smile. After thanking the man, Gerard followed the directions.  
  
“ _How was he, mom?_ ” Frank asked his mother over the phone. She sighed.  
  
“He actually doesn’t seem too bad. When I got to his house, he was about to leave,” she explained.  
  
“ _That’s good. You still have my letter to give to him?_ ”  
  
“Yep.” Frank sighed.  
  
“ _Thanks for doing this, mama. I’m sorry your son is such a coward_ ,” he mumbled, defeated.  
  
“You’re not a coward, baby. You did what you thought was right, and I’m proud of you for it. Even if Gerard doesn’t want to speak with you right now, just know that you helped that boy when he needed it, okay? You did something good and your dad would be proud,” she said. She couldn’t stand for her own son to think of himself that way when none of it was true. He grew up into a wonderful man despite what he’s been through. If anyone deserved happiness, or at least a small break, it was her son. He’d always deserve more than he’d have.  
  
“ _Thanks, mama. I love you. I’ll see you when you get home, be careful._ ” She smiled, glad she made him feel a sliver of happiness.  
  
“Okay, sweetie. I love you, too,” she said and then hung up. She played around with the stations for a while before finding a good song and rolling with it. She laid her head back and waited. It was an hour and a half before Gerard knocked on the window, causing her to jump. She unlocked the door and he apologized as he got it, closing the door behind him.  
  
“I got it, Linda!” he exclaimed happily. “I gotta call, Frank! Oh, God, he’s gonna be so-” and then he stops, suddenly realizing what he said, and deflates. “I, um, can’t wait to share this with Mikey,” he mumbles. As if a fog had cleared, he suddenly realized that his only friend was Frank and he pushed him away after he tried to help him, _not_ hurt him. Linda gave him a sympathetic smile and dug through her purse. Linda hands Gerard a letter.  
  
“This is from Frank. He told me to give it to you _after_ your interview.” He took it and stared at it, having mixed feelings about the younger man. He was still angry from what had been hidden from him, but he missed his best friend. The only man he’d ever love. As Linda pulled out of the parking lot, he reluctantly opened it. His curiosity getting the best of him. He opened the letter and read it.  
  
‘ _Gerard,_  
 _I knew you were going to feel terrified going in there, so I hope being near my mom helped you. It went great, didn’t it? If they don’t accept you then they’re the ones who lost out. I know you’re angry with me and don’t want to see me again, but I wanted you to know something: Never give up on your dreams of being an artist, okay? These are dangerous days we live in and you, the artist, are our last defense._  
 _I believe in you, Gerard._  
  
 _-Frank.’_  
  
Gerard put his hand over his eyes and let the tears fall. Frank wasn’t a coward. He was the opposite. He’d sent his mom because he knew it would help keep him calm, and even though he was mad at Frank, he still cared about him and valued his opinion. He still wanted to be with him, even. He can’t overlook everything else that Frank has done. Because of him, he was able to apply to a college, strive to better his grades, make peace with himself, and accept that fact that while Mikey was gone, he’d never leave Gerard’s side. It was because of all the confidence he’d gained while being friends with the other man that he was able to walk into that interview on his own and answer all the questions with poise. He pulled out his phone and sent Frank a message, even if a call would’ve been better. He wasn’t comfortable sobbing on the phone and all that with the guy’s mom right next to him.  
  
 **To: Frank :)  
4:57 p.m**  
 _I’m coming back to you._  
  
He put his phone up and turned to Linda, staring at her for a long while.  
  
“I’m in love your son,” he said out of nowhere. She smiled and nodded.  
  
“I know,” she replied softly. He smiled to himself and couldn’t stop the giggles from escaping his lips. Suddenly, he wasn’t even angry at the other man, nor was he with Ray or Bob. Being accepted into his first choice eagerly had given him the opportunity to think clearer. Ray didn’t have to tell him, but Frank talked him into it and he followed through. Frank didn’t have to figure out Mikey’s reason, but he did even if it hurt him in the process. Frank didn’t have to talk to him in the first place or even save him from that beating months ago, but he did. Frank’s family didn’t have to accept him, but they did. There were so many things Frank and his family didn’t have to do, but they did. Happily, even.  
  
“Thank you, you know, for everything.”  
  
“I should be thanking you. After you came into Frank’s life, he’s been a lot better. Sure, he’d always been a cheerful boy, but when you came into the picture, it was genuine. He wasn’t just putting a smile on his face to please me, he was smiling because he was happy. Look, you kids are young, and life is way too damn short to let yourself get in the way of your own happiness, so if he makes you happy, you have my blessing. Go for it, Gerard, because Frank is waiting for you,” she said.  
  
“I changed him, too?” He asked, his voice slightly higher because he couldn’t believe it. He always thought he’d taken from Frank without giving back. It was a weight off of his shoulder. “Thank you for telling me that. I’ll really have to thank him one day, for everything.” Gerard pulled out his phone and checked it.  
  
 **From: Frank :)  
5:02 p.m**  
 _I’m sorry. For everything._  
  
 **To: Frank :)  
5:05 p.m** _  
I am, too. I should have listened to your reasoning more._  
  
It was true, but he knew Frank would always give him the benefit of the doubt. That was his strongest suit and probably his worst.  
  
 **From: Frank :)  
5:06 p.m** _  
You were mad. It’s understandable. I’ll be waiting for you here, as I always will.  
I have something important to tell you._  
  
As he sent a short okay with a smiley face, Gerard’s heart raced. He couldn’t wait to see his best friend and go back to school and walk home with him. He couldn’t wait to see that man’s dazzling smile and the perfect hue of his eyes looking at him like he was the only person in the world who mattered to him. He was away from Frank for a week, but that was long enough. He couldn’t wait to hold him and tell him how much he loved him. He couldn’t wait to protect him from everything harmful. He couldn’t wait to be by his side while he achieved great things. He couldn’t wait to be with him all his life and grow old with him. He couldn’t wait to start shopping for clothes for their adopted kids, toys for them and the dogs they’re sure to get, he couldn’t wait to be a dad with him. But most of all, he couldn’t wait until the day when they both said their vows.  
  
Sure, maybe he was a little too young to think about marriage, but when you knew, you knew and there was no stopping the mind from playing out the goals of your life just as you wanted it.  
  
Before he forgot, not as though he ever would, he decided to send out one more message.  
  
 **To: Ray Toro**  
5:15 p.m __  
We need to talk.  
Meet me tomorrow at the same café at noon.  
  
He needed to start wrapping things up. He needed to leave all of that behind as the new year came. It was going to be his first Thanksgiving and Christmas without his brother being a glutton or an annoying sibling waking him up at five in the morning for presents. He was definitely going to miss that, but maybe Frank would come with him to visit his grave. Maybe Frank would want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's about only 5 chapters, I think, left of this story which makes me both happy and sad ;-;
> 
> Leave me some feedback? It'd mean lots to me <3


	22. Early Sunsets Over Monroeville (Or Thanksgiving)

It was Thanksgiving and while Gerard was still giving his parents the cold shoulder, he did wish them a happy Thanksgiving.

 

“Gerard, we’re sorry for how we’ve been. Will you forgive us, sweetheart?” His mother said. He gave her a small sympathetic smile, pitying her almost.

 

“One day, mom. Tell the rest of the family I said hi, I guess. I’m going to be with Frank and from there he and I are visiting Mikey. I’ll be in good hands; no need to call,” he said as he slipped his feet into his shoes and left the house. His parents would be gone for the weekend, visiting his other family in Maine. Frank was set to stay with him and he was excited for it. He was enjoying life and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him, not even himself. When he walked outside, he was met with chilly air caressing his face, and the half-naked trees decorated with those reds, oranges, and yellows. He liked this kind of weather, because Frank was prone to getting cold so he had more of an excuse to hold him. Over a month ago, Frank and Gerard had proudly confessed their love to each other and began dating. Upon arriving back at Frank’s house after a few hours, Gerard quickly went into the home and up to Frank’s room. Although it wasn’t the way either of the two envisioned their confession for each other, they were just happy to finally say it. Frank spoiled Gerard rotten, even more so when the man got a job at the local record shop, half of his paycheck going to some type of gift for the other man. Ranging from books to comics, vinyl’s to CDs, and VHS tapes to DVDs. He was happy that Frank always thought of him, but felt bad for all the money being spent. He’d be happy with Frank just playing him a song on the guitar as he started doing every couple of weeks or so. He lived for those day.

 

On his walk to Frank’s, he thought back to his conversation with Ray, this also being the first Thanksgiving not spent with him or Bob. And remembered how he’d actually held the taller man as he sobbed his apologies over and over again. It was heart-wrenching.

 

_“I forgive you, Ray,” Gerard found himself saying. Guilt and anger should be left alone. Everyone had suffered enough since Mikey’s passing and seeing how much it was tearing Ray apart, he decided it was time for forgiveness. “You loved him, too, right?” He asked._

_“I still do. I don’t think those feelings will ever go away,” Ray answered, his voice nasally from crying. Gerard smiled and patted his shoulder._

_“Then it’s okay. Mikey knows how you feel now and while everything went as bad as they could go, forgive yourself, okay? Because in the end, no matter how much guilt or shame or anger or sadness that you hold won’t bring him back. You have to understand that. Stop beating yourself up. You’re forgiven by me, and I’m sure by Mikey as well. He wasn’t the type to hold a grudge, you know that.” After his speech, Ray cried all over again, this time in happiness, and thanked him._

 

He remembered how much easier it’d been than he normally thought it would. He was just planning on saying it to ease the other man, but he realized that he actually meant it. It made him smile. He’s grown so much in the past eleven months, since Mikey’s death, that he could hardly believe it. If you’d told him before that he’d lose his brother to suicide and then make peace and have a boyfriend within nine months of that, he’d probably have punched you in the face.

 

As he approached the Ieros’ front door, he walked right in without knocking and the family greeted him. Linda was busy around the kitchen while John was holding onto Helena and watching Linda with a fond gaze. He’d hoped that he and Frank could be like that one day. Frank ran downstairs and threw his arms around his boyfriend, planting a big kiss on his lips, causing Gerard to blush. He’d never get used to that, and that was something he liked.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Gerard!” Frank exclaimed happily, smiling up so brightly at him. Gerard gave his forehead a kiss.

 

“Happy Thanksgiving, Frankie,” he returned. “Hi, John, Linda, Little Helena,” he greeted.

 

“Hey, how’s Thanksgiving so far?” John asked.

 

“Better now that I’m here. My parents left to Maine already,” he informed them.

 

“We’re happy that you’re going to be with us today!” Linda beamed, waving a carving fork at him. “And while Frank is over there, be safe! Use protection,” she said. Gerard’s face instantly heated up and he moved far away from his boyfriend, babbling.

 

“I, we, it’s not, I mean, not that I don’t, it’s just, well,” and then he stopped talking and opted for covering his face, not even daring to look at any of them.

 

“Mama, you said you weren’t going to tease him about that!” Frank whined over his family’s laughter. “She’s just teasing, Gerard,” Frank explained, rubbing the older man’s bad soothingly. “Come on, we’ll go to the living room and watch television there.” He couldn’t form words and decided to just follow Frank and sit down, leaving the other adults to their laughing. After the two sat in silence for a while, Frank’s smaller hand in Gerard’s, Gerard decided to speak.

 

“Um, it’s not that I _don’t_ want to, you know,” he said, never taking his eyes off of _Home Alone_.

 

“I know,” Frank answered. “I know you think about it just as much as I do,” he admitted. This managed to catch Gerard’s attention, causing him to look at his boyfriend.

 

“What?” He asked. Frank’s cheeks were slightly red and he was trying to keep from smiling but he couldn’t hide it.

 

“I think about sex with you as much as you think about sex with me. It’s just a normal thing,” Frank clarifies. Gerard blushes, but he’s glad Frank said that. Gerard moves his other hand up to Frank’s cheek and pulls him in for a kiss. He’s delighted that he can do that just about any time he wants to.

 

“I love you,” Gerard says, pulling away.

 

“I love you, too. Oh, can you take a picture with me? This is our first Thanksgiving together!” Frank asked cheerfully. Gerard nodded and smiled at Frank’s camera with his arms around his waist and his chin on Frank’s shoulder. Frank leaned his body against his and they both smiled before Frank snapped a couple of pictures on his phone. “I’ll send them to you later.”

 

“It’s gonna be my new wallpaper,” Gerard said shyly. He’d never been in a relationship before and it felt so _weird_ to be saying cheesy things like that to other people, but since it was Frank, the words actually managed to come out like his mouth had a mind of its own. Maybe that’s because of his boyfriend though.

 

“Aw, you’re so cute!” Frank gushed, nudging him softly with his shoulder.

 

“Only for you would I say these things,” Gerard said, sticking his tongue out playfully.

 

“You’re so good to me,” Frank sighs contently. They continue watching the movie in the same position they took a picture in and Gerard is really enjoying his life right now, as is Frank. Once the movie is over, Gerard holds Frank a little tighter and places a kiss on his back of his neck.

 

“Frank?” He asks. Frank turns his head to the side to look back at Gerard, smiling.

 

“Yeah, babe?” Gerard blushes and his heart flutters. Frank Iero calls him that and he feels so proud.

 

“Will you come with me to the cemetery? I wanna go see Mikey,” he mumbled softly, averting his eyes from Frank’s

 

“Of course.” Frank moves off of the couch. “Mama!” He calls out, walking towards the kitchen. “Is it all right if I borrow the car? We’re heading to go see Mikey,” he asks. After John tosses them the keys and Linda warns them to be careful, they’re off.

 

*

 

They’re holding hands as they walk to Mikey’s plot. Gerard finds it easier walking along the path with Frank here. He could tell Frank is tense, though, and it concerns him.

 

“Are you okay?” He asks. Frank nods, letting out a small puff of air.

 

“My dad is buried here.” Gerard nods.

 

“Do you want to go see him? I’ll wait back here if you want,” he offers. Frank shakes his head and grips Gerard’s hand tighter as if he’s hanging on for his life. Maybe, Gerard thinks, he is.

 

“No, come with me. But after we see Mikey,” He says sternly. Gerard doesn’t take any offense to his tone, because he knows Frank is telling himself. It’s his way of convincing himself. He tends to do that a lot. Like that time in P.E he had to run the mile and Gerard watched as Frank pep talked himself all day. When he met Frank after the class period, he actually came in with the best time, and that’s when the shorter man told him that he used to run for miles every day as a coping mechanism, but hadn’t done it in a while, which was why he was so concerned about it in the first place.

 

Before long, they were standing in front of his brother’s grave, old plastic flowers dusted with dirt and weeds growing here and there. It looked like the family was still broken and hadn’t come in a while.

 

“Here’s my brother. He was a such an amazing kid and was always determined when he set his mind to anything. You would’ve loved him and I think he would’ve loved you, too,” Gerard said quietly. It was odd, Frank thought, that as soon as you stepped through cemetery gates, the air became suffocating with its own special silence and the tiniest whisper could be heard as a bang.

 

“I’m positive that I would’ve loved him,” Frank said back, leaning his head against Gerard’s shoulder and staring at the headstone atop the grave. It was a picture of Mikey smiling with his eyes closed tightly and all teeth showing. Gerard had mentioned to him that Mikey was a silly kid, and that it was one of the things he loved most about him. Frank _knew_ he would’ve gotten along wonderfully with the other boy. And it saddened him that he’d never have that experience, and that Gerard was left an only child, but he decided that things like that shouldn’t be thought of anymore. Gerard was finally happy again, Ray and Bob were getting along fine and Frank was happy he had helped as much as he could have.

 

“All right. I’m ready,” Gerard said after a while. “I love you, Mikey.” And the two were off, down to a part of the property he’d never been through. After a while, they stopped in front of a patch of grass as high as their waists. He threw Frank a questioning glance.

 

“I haven’t come here since I was twelve,” Frank admitted.

 

“I’m sorry,” Gerard said quickly. “If I pressured you or anything,” he murmured, feeling guilty. Frank shook his head.

 

“No, I wanted to. But I wanted to come with you. The idea of coming alone never seemed appealing to me,” he explained, easing Gerard’s feelings. The two stood there, looking at the unkempt grass for a moment.

 

“I want to hate you, dad, but I can’t. So I won’t. I haven’t said this in years,” he paused. “But I love you.” Then he turned to Gerard and smiled. “I’m ready to go. I think mom is already done cooking.” They quietly walked back to the car, neither saying a word, almost afraid to break the comfortable silence. Rather than tell Frank he loved him again, he squeezed his hand briefly, causing the younger man to look up at him and smile his beautiful smile. The one he saved for Gerard.

 

When they got home, Gerard sat with his family eating a _huge_ dinner and laughing at the Thanksgiving stories Linda and Frank were telling about their other family members. He wished his parents could be like this. But last Thanksgiving, they went away to Maine and Ray and Bob came over with leftovers from their dinners and sat with them as they ate. Then they’d watch Home Alone, just as he had with Frank. He found it hard to believe that by next Thanksgiving, he’d be in college and visiting Frank on his break. He couldn’t wait for that, but he also didn’t want to be away from his significant other.

 

Linda wrapped up a lot of the leftovers and handed the plates to Gerard while Frank was getting his things from upstairs.

 

“Thank you for the amazing dinner as always, Linda,” Gerard said. She gave him a tight hug and kissed his cheek.

 

“Thank you for being here. Take care of my baby, okay? Also, I was just teasing about that protection crap. Of course use it if it happens, but it was no pressure to you at all. You both are still so young,” she said, holding his face gently in her hands. He nodded and she stepped away just as Frank came back. He leaned up and gave her cheek a kiss.

 

“I’ll see you Monday after school, mama. I love you!” She gave him a kiss back and they walked back to Gerard’s in silence. They never talked much, he noticed. Even if Frank was sometimes prone to _never_ shutting up, he was silent most of the time. They bonded through that type of communication. Just _knowing_. “It’s going to be so much fun having you all to myself the whole weekend!” Frank exclaims as they come to a stop in front of the Gerard’s door.

 

“I’m excited, too! What do you wanna do first?” He asked, unlocking the door and stepping inside. Frank was hit with the scent of Gerard and it relaxed him as if he literally had no other worries in the world. It was amazing to him how a scent of someone you loved with everything you had could do that to you.

 

“I wanna go to bed actually,” Frank yawned as he put his bag of clothes and movies down by the door. Gerard chuckled, rolling his eyes and hugging Frank close to him.

 

“Sounds good. But we just ate. Shouldn’t we wait a moment?” He asked.

 

“Well, we could sit in bed cuddling until we can’t hold our eyes open anymore,” Frank suggested.

 

“Okay. Cuddling is good.” Gerard grabbed his hand and led him up to his room where they undressed to their boxers and sat in the bed, Gerard’s arms around Frank. “This is nice,” Gerard commented. There was no sound other than their breathing and the central air. Frank nodded.

 

“Any time I get to spend with you is the highlight of my day,” Frank whispers back, and then turns his head to kiss Gerard. He pulls Frank closer, his hand on his cheek and the other wrapping tightly around his waist. Frank leaned over him, pushing his back to the bed and slipping his tongue into his mouth, causing Gerard to let out a soft moan. They kissed heatedly with tongue and the soft grinding of their hips until Frank pulled away, lying next to him with his head on Gerard’s chest. Both men were aroused, but neither ready to go any step further.

 

It was fine like this, they both thought, they had plenty of time. And sex didn’t define a relationship. They fell asleep shortly afterwards, _finally_ happy with how things were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as I definitely enjoyed writing some cute relationship fluff! <3 Leave me some comments so I know how I'm doin'? It's mean the world to li'l 'ol me :))


	23. House of Wolves (Or Christmas and New Years)

“It sucks that we can’t spend Christmas together,” Gerard mumbles into the back of Frank’s neck. They’ve been laying down for a good hour, Gerard clutching Frank around his waist from behind. Frank shifts at his words, moving back into him and pressing their bodies as close they could possibly get, and rubs this forearms gently.  
  
“I know, but this is also a good opportunity to try and make amends with your parents.” Gerard groaned. Frank had been subtly trying to get him to spend more time with his parents, which meant less time with him. It made him upset, but he knew Frank was only trying to help better his life, so he couldn’t hold it against him. “I know you don’t like it, babe, but this could be good for you,” he added after Gerard groan followed by silence. He sighed and nodded his head.  
  
“I’ll try,” Gerard muttered. “For you.”  
  
“Not me, _you_ ,” Frank corrected. Frank hated when Gerard worded things like that because he wanted Gerard to do these things for himself, not to please Frank.  
  
“Okay,” Gerard whimpered, not liking the idea of being in the same room as his parents for longer than ten minutes. His _entire_ family was going to be coming around and he couldn’t get out of it, especially since Frank was traveling to Ohio to see some relatives, so he had no choice but to stay home. He couldn’t even go to Ray or Bob’s because they’d be spending it together, and Gerard definitely didn’t want to be a third wheel.  
  
Everyone’s friendship had been rekindled with one another and they all became quite close. Even though it stung Gerard every time there was an empty seat at their table in the cafeteria, he’d just close his eyes and imagine his brother there laughing and joking with them, just as he used to. And the bad feeling went away, at which he would then look at his boyfriend and squeeze his hand under the table.  
  
“I love you,” Frank said, turning his head back to look at him. Gerard leaned forward and kissed the other’s cheek lovingly, causing Frank to giggle. “That tickles,” he laughed softly. Gerard quickly moved his kisses to Frank’s neck, making him laugh more. It was a sound that was like angel’s singing in his ears. He knew there was _nothing_ that sounded better than Frank Iero’s laughter and his heart filled with warmth knowing he could be the one to help produce that sound.  
  
He continued to lay in the silence of Frank’s room, the entire house empty because John, Linda, and Little Helena had all gone shopping a little while ago.  
  
“Oh, I love you, too, by the way,” Gerard said after a while, chuckling at Frank’s pout.  
  
“Oh, you forgot?” Frank asked, mock offended.  
  
“I didn’t forget. I just say it in my head all the time and kind of assume I’m already saying it,” he shrugged an answer. Frank turned around to face him and kissed him deeply.  
  
“You are so fucking cute, I swear,” Frank said against his lips. Before Gerard knew it, he was on his back with Frank straddling him and he almost lost it. Frank had never done this. _Gerard_ hadn’t even done this to Frank. The furthest they had gotten was rubbing each other through the pants one time and even then, Frank’s parents had come home, much to their embarrassment. That was almost two weeks ago. It wasn’t that Gerard was impatient, he just loved Frank with all of his being and wanted to be as close to him as possible.  
  
Gerard was broken out of his thoughts when Frank pressed his hips down further against Gerard, emitting a small whimper from the older man. Instinctively, his hands gripped Frank’s waist and he looked up into his eyes.  
  
“Frank?” He asked, nearly a whisper. The shorter man came give a soothing smile full of love and even want to an extent. Gerard wanted him. The feeling coursing through his veins in replace of blood. Neither said a word as Frank began a rhythm and Gerard tenderly bucking up into him. Nothing but the sound of their breathy moans, occasional gasps, and soft squeaking of Frank’s old bed could be heard. There were too many layers in-between them, but neither were ready to go just that far yet. Frank leaned one hand down onto Gerard’s chest as the other went to latch onto one of hands gripping his waist.  
  
They seemed to be lost in their own world, their fingers laced, eyes staring back into the others, and hearts belonging to each other when they heard the front door close, abruptly freezing their movements. They quickly scrambled away from one another as they heard footsteps coming up the stairs and made themselves look natural. Gerard went to search the DVD collection while Frank turned the TV on.  
  
“Frank?” His mom called out, knocking.  
  
“Yes, mom?” He asked as the door opened. He gave her a smile, secretly upset that he and his boyfriend were interrupted.  
  
“We brought pizza for dinner,” she said, looking between the two.  
  
“Sounds good, mama. Gerard and I will be down, just gonna look for a movie to watch while we’re eating.” She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. The two men looked at one another before blushing softly and giggling. Frank patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Come here,” he said, Gerard set _From Dusk Till Dawn_ down on the DVD player and took a seat beside his boyfriend.  
  
“Yeah?” He asked. Frank pulled him down for a kiss.  
  
“I love you and I’m sorry we were interrupted,” Frank said, kissing his chin twice and then the corner of his mouth. Gerard smiled and shook his head.  
  
“It’s okay, Frankie. I love you, too.” They stared at each other before Gerard spoke again. “So _From Dusk Till Dawn_?” He asked. Frank giggled.  
  
“You’re in love with that movie, I swear.” Gerard shrugged.  
  
“George Clooney is one _fine_ man,” he admitted. “Next to you, of course.” Frank lightly punched him in the shoulder, rolling his eyes before dragging him downstairs for pizza. John and Linda ‘aw’d’ at one another as they watched the boys hold hands tightly as they grabbed pizza and poured each other’s drinks. They’d done everything together and that was probably because Gerard had five months left with him, and then who knew what was to happen.  
  
Once they were back in Frank’s room, Gerard took a seat on the floor with his back against the bed while Frank sat in-between his legs. From there, they ate and watched a Quentin Tarantino movie and Gerard would squeal softly in delight when George Clooney did something terrific.  
  
“Okay, I’m pretty gay, but Salma Hayek in this movie is so fucking hot,” Frank said in the middle of her dance. Gerard hummed an agreement.  
  
“Oh, yeah. You know what I would give to be Quentin’s mouth right now?” Gerard asked, causing Frank to laugh.  
  
“You know what I would give to be that snake?” He said, then froze for a moment before turning back to look at his boyfriend. “Babe, did you just basically tell me you have a foot fetish?” Frank asked, brow raised. Gerard’s face turned red and he furiously shook his head.  
  
“No! God, no! I’m just saying that she’s sexy,” he whined, covering his face with his unoccupied hand. Frank burst out into laughter.  
  
“Gee, it’s okay,” he giggled, causing Gerard to glare at him through his finger. “I was just teasing you.” Gerard huffed, stubbornly turning his face away from Frank and crossing his arms after setting his plate down. “Aw, come on. Don’t be like that,” Frank said. Gerard wasn’t backing down. “Well, fine then,” he huffed, turning away from the taller man and crossing his arms as well. They stayed like that for half of the movie before Gerard finally broke and wrapped his arms around Frank’s waist.  
  
“Frankie,” he sang softly in his ear. “I’m sorry. I was joking, too. Don’t be mad at me?” He suggested innocently, like a little kid. Frank couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. He sighs, knowing that Gerard knows he’s won.  
  
“Your face is too fucking cute to be mad at,” he says, turning to look at Gerard. Gerard smiles and puckers his lips more than necessary, causing Frank to giggle at how silly he could be at times. He leans back into the older man’s chest and presses his lips against his boyfriend’s. The kiss innocently for a few moments before Gerard slips his tongue between Frank’s, invading his mouth heatedly. Frank whimpers softly, pushing himself back into Gerard more, letting himself press against Gerard’s member. Gerard instantly pulls away.  
  
“I’m sorry, I want to do things with you, but your family is here,” he explains softly, stroking the side of Frank’s face and removing the hair in his face. Frank nods, his eyes glazed over with want and also understanding. Frank turns his body fully to straddling him. Gerard wraps his arms around Frank’s waist, locking his fingers together and giving Frank a soft peck on the lips.  
  
“I know, Gee. And I know it’s wrong, but I’ve had many dirty thoughts about you since we became close,” he admitted lowly, averting his eyes in shame. Gerard’s cheek heated up, turning a soft hue of red.  
  
“Hey,” he said softly, causing Frank to look into his eyes. He smiled, “It’s okay. I’m really glad that you liked me as long as you did,” he confessed. Frank gave him a shy smile, tucking his slightly long hair behind his ears.  
  
“I didn’t expect to fall for you, not that you’re not a catch, I just- well, I’ve never had those kinds of feelings for anyone.” Gerard nodded understandingly.  
  
“It’s okay. Neither have I. And, honestly, when Pete came onto you, I was really… Jealous,” he muttered, grimacing at the memory. “Speaking of which, that time he called you and said he figured it out, what did he figure out?” He asked curiously. He’d forgotten about it, but now it was eating him up. Frank chuckled softly.  
  
“He said that I was in love with you, and he was right. That’s why he said he’d back off, he didn’t want to come between us.”  
  
“You’ve been in love with me for that long?” Gerard asked. Frank shook his head.  
  
“Longer. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it was, but I just know that whenever you were with me, I was home,” he said softly, leaning his whole body against Gerard’s and wrapping his arms around his neck. He felt the shorter man place a small innocent kiss on his neck, making him smile.  
  
“You’re amazing, Frank. You’re so amazing, and out of all the other people in the world, you’re in love with _me_ , and I can’t believe it. I’m the luckiest man ever.” Frank’s eyes layered with a sheet of water and his face molded a perfect smile and Gerard fell in love all over again. They stayed hugging like that perfectly. _From Dusk Till Dawn_ playing in the background, pizza laying abandoned now cold, and their heartbeats matching one another’s perfectly and life is just _right_.  
  
*  
  
Christmas comes to soon and Frank and Gerard have been texting whenever Frank gets a connection, but it isn’t enough for Gerard. His family is already arriving at his home and he’s taken to locking himself in he and Mikey’s room, much to his parent’s dismay. There’s a knock at the door.  
  
“Gerard? Could you come say hello to the family?” His mother asks through the locked door. Gerard says nothing. “And then you can come back to your room, okay?” She adds. Anything to get him out of there. Gerard gives in, unlocking the door and stepping out and his heart _almost_ warms at the sight of his mother’s smile.  
  
“Fine,” he grumbles and walks downstairs, catching the eye of everyone in the room. He’s seeing aunts, uncles, cousins, close family friends and their kids all at once and it’s nearly unbearable. “Um, hi,” he says awkwardly, trying not to let his discomfort show on his face. The goes around the room and one by one says hi and shakes hands, refusing hugs, with his relatives. He hasn’t liked to be around them since Mikey’s passing and they hadn’t tried to see how he was doing either. There was an elephant in the room and it was that Mikey wasn’t here. It was a heavy thing in the room, because his younger brother would be going around the room enthusiastically. He loved everyone and everyone knew that.  
  
“How’ve you been, Gerard?” One of his aunt’s asked. He shrugged.  
  
“Better, I guess. My boyfriend has been helping me with a lot of things, so it’s thanks to him,” he said truthfully. He’d find any excuse to brag about Frank, not caring who it was to. He was proud to be Frank’s significant other.  
  
“Oh, you’re gay?” She asked, brow raised. He shrugged again.  
  
“Well, I love him and he happens to be a guy. It doesn’t really matter to me what their sex is,” he explains. She smiles, patting his shoulder.  
  
“As long as you’re happy, sweetheart. I know things haven’t been easy for you and my sister hasn’t always been the best to be around, but you were brought up into a nice young man,” she said. He smiled at her. A true smile. One that he hadn’t given his family members in a long time. He pulls out his phone and shows her his wallpaper.  
  
“Um, this is him. His name’s Frank,” he says happily. She peers down at the picture and smiles warmly.  
  
“He’s a handsome young man, Gerard!” He nods enthusiastically.  
  
“I know, but his personality is what makes him beautiful,” he gushed, his cheeks turning pink. His aunt, Marie, lightly pushed his shoulder in a playful manner and giggled.  
  
“Who’d’ve known you were such a sappy guy, Gerard,” she teased. He stayed there talking with his aunt for a long while and he enjoyed his time. After excusing himself to his room for some rest, because being around so many people had exhausted him, he walked into his room to find his younger cousins, around thirteen and twelve, in the room going through Mikey’s things.  
  
“What are you doing?” He asked sternly, hands on his hips. One of them, he forgets their names, looks at him.  
  
“Your brother is one who killed himself, isn’t he?” They ask. His eyes harden and his jaw clenches.  
  
“It’s none of your business,” he says, trying to remain calm.  
  
“We were looking for his suicide note,” they continue on.  
  
“Get out.”  
  
“Do you know where it is?” They keep going.  
  
“Get. Out!” He yells loudly. All the conversation that had been going on downstairs suddenly stopped. “Get out _right now_!” Before he knows it, most of his family is at his door trying to peek in. The boys in the room stop their movements and start crying.  
  
“What is the matter with you?! Making little kids cry,” one of his other distant aunts says, grabbing his arm harshly.  
  
“What’s the matter with _me_? How about them?!” He yells, yanking his arm from her grip. “They’re looking my brother’s suicide note. _My brother_! That’s not right. They’re your kids, right? Maybe you should teach your kids to respect privacy instead of being little shitheads,” he yells right into her face. As if time had slowed down, he watched as she raised her hand and struck him across the face, leaving a stinging on his cheek. He held his face and the room was still before his mother came in and pushed her sister back, causing her to stumble back dumbfounded.  
  
“If you lay another finger on my son, I swear to fucking everything that I will rip your goddamn hand off, got it, Stacy?” His mother glared. He was surprised to see his mother come to his defense. His mother had lost one son because of her neglecting and she wasn’t going to lose her other. Gerard, although rough around the edges, was a good boy and only lost and trying to find his way. He was grieving and it wasn’t a process to be interrupted.  
  
“Then control your kids, Donna! It’s not my fault you drove one son to killing himself, you don’t need to take it out on my family.” Everyone seem to gasp. That was the line crossed. Gerard stepped in-between his mother and her sister and glared down at her.  
  
“Listen, you little lifeless shell, do _not_ talk to my mom like that and leave my brother out of it. I don’t care who you are to me, family or not, you have a problem with us then leave. If not, shut your fucking mouth and make sure your kids keep their hands to themselves,” he threatened. They had a stare down before his aunt huffed, backing away.  
  
“We’re leaving,” she said angrily.  
  
“Good. Don’t come back. My mother is more of mom than you’ll ever be.” His mother looked back at him, shocked that he would say something like that about her. She thought he hated her and he wouldn’t be in the wrong at all, but her son had really grown up. After all the commotion settled down and everyone went about their business, his mother hugged him, startling him.  
  
“That was… a really nice thing you said about me, Gerard,” she murmured, her voice watery with emotions. She hugged her back.  
  
“Look, mom, I know I’ve been a little shit for a good while lately, but it’s _so_ hard to forgive you and dad for everything that happened. But Mikey wasn’t your fault, okay? It wasn’t mine, or even his. Things happen and as sad as it is, it’s reality. We can’t change it if we hold enough guilt or blame or sadness in our hearts. It’s time to let go and let Mikey rest, mom. You still have me,” he said. He held his mom as she sobbed into his chest, causing him to cry himself. It doesn’t matter if he was still upset with them, seeing his mother cry will always make him cry, too. His mother didn’t deserve to cry, no matter how much he used to think she did.  
  
“I’m sorry I wasn’t better to you two, Gerard. I know you haven’t forgiven me, but maybe one day.” He nodded. When he was finally alone and laying in his bed, his phone began to ring loudly, frightening him and he fumbled for it. Seeing that it was his boyfriend, he quickly answered.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“ _Hey, Gee. How’s the Holidays so far?_ ” Frank asked sweetly over the line. Gerard smiled.  
  
“Well, I kind of caused a fight in the family and banished a family member from our household and it’s not even noon. What about you?” He asked, looking up at the ceiling and listening to Frank say that it was too fucking cold in his relatives’ house because they were all secretly dead on the inside and had to keep it cold.  
  
“ _But never mind that. What happened?_ ” Frank asked, concerned. Gerard sighed.  
  
“I was talking with my aunt Marie and I was actually enjoying it. She’s cool and I think you’d like her. Anyways, I got tired of people and came up here and these two little assholes were rummaging through Mikey’s things,” he said.  
  
“ _What? Why?_ ”  
  
“They asked me if I knew where his suicide note was.” Frank gasped.  
  
“ _Are you fucking kidding me?!_ ” Frank yelled. “ _That’s seriously messed up_ ,” he grumbled. Gerard nodded his head as if his other half could see.  
  
“Exactly. I yelled at them to get out and their mom went ballistic on me and slapped me when I called her kids little shitheads,” he went on.  
  
“ _I’m going to rip her fucking arm off and feed it to her kids_ ,” Frank growled. Gerard’s eyes widened. He’d never heard Frank talk like that. And even though he thought he should be concerned, he found it endearing and actually pretty sexy. He cleared his throat.  
  
“I’m gonna get back to what you just said in a bit, but guess what happened after that? My _mom_ came in and slapped _her_ and told her not to lay a finger on me or she’d rip her hand off. Not only that, but she said that my mom drove Mikey to killing himself and that’s when I stepped up and told her to either leave or shut her mouth,” he explained.  
  
“ _Your mom stood up for you and then you, her_?” Frank asked, actually smiling.  
  
“Yeah. We kind of had this heartfelt conversation afterwards and all in all, I think you were right about this being good for me.” Frank sighed in relief.  
  
“ _I’m really glad you kinda made amends with your mom_ ,” Frank said. They stayed silent for a moment before Gerard spoke again, clearing his throat a bit.  
  
“So is it weird that I found your threat really fucking sexy?” Gerard asked. He heard Frank’s breath catch and it sent shivers through his body.  
  
“ _Well_ ,” Frank chuckled, “ _now I know what to say next time we’re alone_.” Gerard giggled, blushing softly.  
  
“I can’t wait to see you for New Years. I already miss you and you only left yesterday morning,” Gerard sulked.  
  
“ _I miss you, too, baby, but I’ll be home before you know it and we’ll do that cheesy shit and kiss at midnight under the fireworks and the stars and the moon._ ” Gerard laughed.  
  
“Wow, you’re so charming,” he answered sarcastically.  
  
“ _You love it, don’t lie_.” Gerard agreed. They talked for another hour before Frank had to leave and “ _spend time with the dead people_.” Rather than stay in his room like he’s planned, he went back downstairs and talked with his cool aunt for the rest of the night until she left back to Texas.  
  
*  
  
“So why do we even pop fireworks at midnight?” Gerard asked mindlessly. Frank shrugged, causing Gerard’s head to move with his shoulders. They were laying on Frank’s bed and staring out of the window waiting for the fireworks. It was eleven thirty and they weren’t too interested; they just lived for their moments with one another. Ray and Bob had visited earlier and they all sat around the living room watching _Home Alone_ again for Mikey. It was a nice and yet emotional thing. Gerard seemed to stare off into space more, missing his little brother tugging on his arm and dragging him outside to play in the snow as he used to. Frank left him be and didn’t push him to talk about it, figuring that he would talk about it if he wanted him to know.  
  
“Who knows, it’s just fun to watch,” Frank answered with a smile.  
  
“ _Pfft_! You’re fun to watch, Frankie,” Gerard said, not-so-smoothly. Frank laughed, moving back into his better half slightly. He loved being so close to him. Gerard stared at Frank’s facial features fixedly. His strong jawline and his hazel eyes glowing from the moon in the sky. His breath caught in his throat, thinking about how beautiful Frank was inside and out.  
  
“Gerard?” Frank asked softly, moving back into the erection he didn’t realize he’d gotten. “I know it’s probably too soon or something, but I’m, um, ready if you are,” he whispered, though loud and clear, shyly. Gerard’s eyes widened.  
  
“Are-are you sure, Frank?” He asked, moving over on Frank a bit, hovering over him, trying to look into his eyes. Frank turned over on his back, nodding up at him with pink stained cheeks.  
  
“I’m positive, Gerard. I love you.” Gerard leaned down and kissed him softly, moving his full body on top of him. This time, there was nothing to interrupt them, John, Linda and Helena having gone to visit other family members. And both men were aware that that was their plan all along and took solace in their unspoken blessing.  
  
Gerard pulled away. “I love you, too.” He reached down and tugged Frank’s shirt off, making the younger boy become coy all of a sudden. They’d slept half naked in the same bed together plenty of times, but this was different. This was the first time anything intimate was going to happen. Their hearts wee pounding against their ribcages, but it was more because of excitement than nerves. Frank removed Gerard’s shirt and then his pants, thinking that he wouldn’t feel so self-conscious if Gerard was naked before him.  
  
Clothes were removed and kisses were trailed along bodies. They were wet, sloppy, and full of love at the same time. They were the best kind. The messy kind. Realizing they had no lubricant, Gerard put his fingers near Frank’s mouth and watching, his erection painful, as he sucked on his fingers, spreading his saliva on his fingers and down to his palm. They maintained eye contact, making a gasp escape Gerard’s lips. I pulled his hand away and positioned himself in-between Frank’s legs, spreading them wide and peering down at him.  
  
“You’re beautiful, Frankie,” Gerard whispered. Frank smiled up at him, blushing softly. Gerard reached down and ran a finger around Frank’s entrance, assuring him to relax. After a small nod, Gerard push his finger in slowly and rubbed circles on Frank’s stomach as he tensed. “Relax, okay? I’d never hurt you.” After another nod, he pulled his finger out all the way before pushing it back in. Frank felt _a lot_ of discomfort at first, but it gradually went away but then returned when a second finger was eventually added. His mind was distracted from his pain when he felt Gerard’s hand wrap around his shaft and stroked him slowly, giving him immense pleasure. He moaned, slightly arching his back off the bed. Gerard’s mouth hung open, panting from how Frank was withering beneath him. He added a third finger, wanting to stretch him properly so he felt no pain at all, only pleasure.  
  
“Oh, _Gerard_ ,” Frank moaned his name, and that was it. Gerard couldn’t wait any longer. He looked into Frank’s eyes after pulling his fingers out, asking if it was okay to go on. Frank nodded, giving him a confident smile. He watched as Gerard spit on his hand and slicked his manhood up and then pushed his legs further apart and almost up to his chest.  
  
“If it hurts too much, let me know. We’ll stop,” Gerard said reassuringly. Frank answered him with a kiss and helped Gerard hold his legs up, putting his hands on top of his on his thighs. Gerard lined himself up with Frank’s entrance and slowly started pushing in. Frank sucked a breath in through his teeth and Gerard gritted his teeth as his head made it passed the ring of muscles. After taking a few deep breaths, Frank nodded at him to continue and relaxed his body as he felt the sting of Gerard sliding inside of him. They each held their breaths until their hips met and they exhaled.  
  
“G-Gerard,” Frank whispered, tears running down his face. Gerard looked down at him concerned, afraid he hadn’t prepped him good enough.  
  
“Do you want to stop, Frankie?” He asked. Frank shook his head frantically. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Absolutely nothing,” he breathed out, staring up at Gerard lovingly. “I just feel so _close_ to you. _Move_ ,” he subtly begged, grasping Gerard’s shoulders and letting his legs wrap around Gerard’s waist. Gerard nodded his head and leaned forward, putting his hands on the bed on either side of Frank’s head. He slowly pulled half way out before pushing back in. He noticed some discomfort on Frank’s face still, so he repeated the process at different angles until Frank’s body shook and he threw his head back, moaning loudly. The sound made a feeling pool in the pit of Gerard’s stomach and send waves of pleasure across his body. He thrusted into Frank at a steady pace, hitting that same bundle of nerves and watched in awe as the man he loved lost himself beneath him. They were in their own world until they heard a loud ‘pop’ in the sky, causing them to stop.  
  
“Fireworks,” Frank panted, looking up at the sky. Gerard pulled out of Frank and laid beside him.  
  
“Turn towards the window,” Gerard said softly. Frank did as he said. Gerard moved right up against him and lifted Frank’s leg over his before grabbing himself and sliding inside Frank again.  
  
“ _Ah_ \- _Oh, god_! It feels so much better like this,” Frank moaned, pushing back into Gerard.  
  
“Pu-put your hands against the windowsill, Frankie,” Gerard instructed. As soon as Frank’s hands were on the window, Gerard thrusted into him at a hard, steady pace. Together, they made love, watching the fireworks in sky explode into different colors. “Happy New Year’s, Frank,” Gerard, whispered in Frank’s ear, panting harshly. Frank threw his head back into Gerard’s shoulder, practically screaming with pleasure.  
  
“Happy New Year’s- _uh_ \- Gee,” He said back after a while. “ _Gerard,_ oh fuck, _ah_! Harder, please,” he begged. Gerard rutted into him harder at a fast pace, causing Frank to gasp starkly.  
  
“Frank,” Gerard moaned, “I’m gonna come,” he said, thrusting harder, taking pride in the whimpers and moans coming from Frank because of him.  
  
“Me, too. Don’t stop, please. _Don’t stop_! _Ah_ , _Fuck!_ Gerard!” He screamed his name as he finished untouched against his bedroom wall. The clench in his muscles caused Gerard to give two more final thrusts before finishing inside his boyfriend. They laid there panting for a while before Gerard turned Frank’s face to him and kissed him deeply underneath the sound of the fireworks, under the moon and the stars, still inside him.  
  
“I love you. I love you so much,” Gerard panted softly against Frank’s lips.  
  
“I love you,” Frank said back, shifting against him, causing him to wince. Reluctantly, he pulled out, a groan escaping both their lips. “I feel so empty now,” he muttered, a small whine in his tone. Gerard kissed his shoulder and then the back of his neck.  
  
“I’m still here, Frankie. It’s okay.” And then Frank started to cry, concerning Gerard, but just smiled when he said that he was just so happy that his body didn’t know how else to let the feelings out. Gerard pulled the covers over them and they cuddled, falling asleep easily and as close as they’ve ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's about three chapters left of this story and I'm kinda sad about it.. ;-; Anyway! I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter!


	24. Sleep (Or Mikey's Anniversary)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left ;-;
> 
> And I'm super nervous about it!

Gerard had stayed over at Frank’s house that night where they exchanged small kisses and held each other tightly. It’s been one year since his brother had left him, his family, friends and the world. It’s a very long time and a short amount of time. It felt that way. Gerard can feel the night dragging on and yet somehow speeding up, making his head dizzy and his heart heavy. He just wanted to sleep, but his mind wouldn’t let him.  
  
The two boys laid on Frank’s bed, Gerard’s head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as his boyfriend held him as closely as possible. He looked out of Frank’s window wishing to the stars, the moon and whoever was up there willing to listen that his brother would call him asking where he was because he missed him. That used to happen often when he stayed over at a relative’s house (back when they were closer) and he’d have to stay on the phone with his brother until he fell asleep. He missed those moments and they teared deep scars into his heart and mind. He wanted to meet his brother again. Not in the sense of taking his own life, but in the sense of not stopping his death if he saw it coming. He would cross the road without looking both ways often now, scaring his boyfriend and slamming reality back onto him.  
  
Frank was growing more and more concern at his other half’s actions. He was happier, yes, but Gerard was also willing to let himself meet his end with no problems. It terrified him.  
  
“Frank?” Gerard mumbled against his chest, tightening his grip around his waist.  
  
“What is it, Gee?” He asked softly. Gerard looked up at him, posting his chin on breast, smiling at him.  
  
“I love you.” Frank smiled sweetly, his love oozing out of him. He leaned down and kissed Gerard’s forehead.  
  
“I love you, too. I know you’ve been more out of it lately, but you’ve gotta start being careful, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt, and…” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I don’t want to lose you. I’d never be able to live in a world without Gerard Way in it.” Gerard’s look softened, realizing how selfishly he’d been thinking and living this past month.  
  
“I know. I’m sorry, Frankie. Do you forgive me?” He asked, leaning up for a kiss.  
  
“Of course. Now, give me another kiss,” Frank demanded with a smile. Gerard giggled and kissed him again, this one longer than the last. At home, they were inseparable, often holding hands _everywhere_ , but at school they only gave each other loving looks and the occasional kiss on the cheek. No one said anything about their relationship, because they didn’t matter much to other people, and that was fine by them. When they did hold hands, they often felt exposed, neither really favoring PDA.  
  
A couple of weeks ago, the pair had scored the top of their class once again for the last placement test of the year, setting it in stone that Gerard was to be Valedictorian with a 4.0 GPA. Much to everyone’s surprise, Frank had the same GPA, really bringing to attention how hard he worked and how smart he was. Thankfully, Gerard had taken Frank’s advice and written his speech for graduation and he wasn’t going to let anyone read it, not even Frank. He respected Gerard’s privacy, never really questioning his boyfriend’s choices. Things were going great between the two.  
  
The clock struck midnight and Gerard sucked a breath in shakily. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Frankie,” he whispered. Frank held him tighter, turning his body to face him and pressing him against his chest.  
  
“Happy Valentine’s Day, Gee,” he said. After a moment, he added, “it’s okay to cry. Don’t hold it in or you can get sick.” With that, Gerard let his tears flow staining Frank’s shirt with the hurt of missing his brother. “We’ll visit him later, okay? I’ll take you over there and wait in the car to give you some time with him.” Gerard nodded, scooting his body closer to Frank until there was no space left and their legs were tangled together.  
  
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Gerard whispered against his chest, causing Frank to smile.  
  
“You know, I’m glad I went to school early as fuck that day. August 22nd is my favorite day,” he mumbled back. Gerard bit his lip to contain his smile, barely succeeding in doing so. “When I first saw you, your eyes looked void, your manners were wrecked to all fuck, and you were alone, but I still knew there was something special about you.” He looked down at Gerard who was staring back up and him and placed a small kiss on his little nose, causing Gerard to blush.  
  
“I like how your compliments start with insults.” They laughed together for a moment before settling in the silence once again. “We should sleep, yeah?” Frank nodded and they pulled the covers up. Frank laid back on his back and Gerard took his regular position with half of his body on top of his. He stared out of window for a while as his eyes grew heavy. He thought back to New Year’s and how beautiful the color of the fireworks were shining against Frank’s pleasure-filled face, how the sweat glistened off of his body and the beautiful songs emitting out of his mouth and into the air. Since then, they had taken to making love when the feelings became too much. It wasn’t something they made a production out of. They both thought that was a good thing. When they woke up the morning after their first time, they were filled with blushes and giggles. Gerard had to sneak down stairs to search for some ibuprofen and was embarrassed to all hell when Linda asked what he was doing. He’d tried to tell her that Frank had woken up with a headache, but she just gave him an amused look and said she hoped they used protection, which they didn’t, but he lied and nodded before running back to Frank’s room completely red. It’d slipped his mind. What’s done is done, though. When he told his boyfriend of the encounter, Frank just laughed until he couldn’t breathe, causing Gerard to grimace, obviously the only one who was embarrassed. Gerard, after a few more minutes of staring at the night sky, allowed his eyes to close and himself to drift off to sleep.  
  
*  
  
Frank sat in the car as Gerard walked through the cemetery gates with flowers in his hand and hoped everything would be okay. Just as they’d gotten here, they both saw Ray and Bob leaving in Ray’s vehicle and they waved at the other two men who smiled and waved back. Gerard had stated that he was glad they hadn’t forgotten their younger friend and that they still kept track of the days to his anniversary. He laid his head back and turned his radio on, smiling softly as the song “ _Angel Baby_ ” came on. Frank loved this song as much as he loved dogs. It was something about her voice and the emotions behind it. It was a song that he thought about Gerard the whole way through. Actually, most love songs had Gerard in his head, but he was a cheesy guy.  
  
If he and Gerard ever got into an argument, then he’d probably pull a “ _Say Something_ ” moment right outside Gerard’s window. It was a given. He loved his movies as much as Gerard did and the two often reenacted movies scenes together. Their family enjoyed watching them when they watched in the living room. He relished in the memories he had of Gerard and smiled to himself, thinking about how different their relationship would be if Mikey was still here. Maybe he and Gerard wouldn’t be together now, but it wasn’t something he could think about now. No matter how many what-ifs were running around his head, there would never be any answers.  
  
He jumped when the car door open and Gerard sat inside. His eyes red, puffy, and pouring tears. Frank automatically straightened up and pulled the older man into his arms, holding him tightly.  
  
“I should’ve watched him better, Frankie,” he sobbed. Frank closed his eyes tightly, remembering when he murmured those same words as he looked down at his father’s limp body in the bathtub. “He was only fifteen. There was still enough time to get better!” Frank let his own tears fall and they cried together. His heart was hurting for his boyfriend, his best friend.  
  
“It’ll be okay, Gerard. One day, it’ll start getting easier. Mikey is happy now. He’s okay now. He’s always right by your side.” Gerard continued sobbing before finally pulling away and wiping his tears away, taking a few deep breaths. He smiled over at Frank.  
  
  
“Can we just go get some ice cream? I wanna eat his favorite flavor today and then I’ll cook you and the family his favorite food. Would that be okay?” He asked shyly. This was the first time he’d offer to cook for them, but he was confident that he could make something good for them. He used to make this for his brother whenever he did good on his report card or for his birthday.  
  
“That sounds good, babe,” Frank said, wiping his own tears and starting the car. “We’ll hold off on the ice cream until later though because you know how my stomach gets. I don’t want to spend most of the night in the restroom again.” Gerard nods understandingly and hold Frank’s hand as he sets his hand on the shift gear. Although Gerard is excited to start college once June comes, he’s sad about leaving his boyfriend. After this year, he still has three years of shitty high school left and he pretty much has no other friends other than the three seniors and it left Gerard feeling concerned about who he was going to hang out with.  
  
“Hey, after me and the guys graduate, who are you going to hang out with at school? I’d hate to think of you being alone,” Gerard said, his voice growing sadder and sadder with each word. Frank squeezed his hand, coming to a stop at a sign briefly before turning down their road.  
  
“Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. Pete is actually transferring to our school next year, so I’ll have him to talk to.” Gerard’s eye twitched at the mention of the other boy and he exhaled through his nose. Frank noticed the change in his boyfriend and smiled softly. “Baby, he has a girlfriend, you know,” he said to ease his boyfriend’s nerves. Gerard’s smile immediately returned.  
  
“Really?” He asked for confirmation, hopeful. Frank nodded, parking in the driveway.  
  
“Yep. He also respects our relationship and so do I. Gee, I’d never cheat on you or even love anyone else, for that matter.” Gerard smiled down at his lap, blushing like a schoolgirl. Frank grinned at the look on his boyfriend’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.” The family greeted them and that’s when Gerard decided to ask them about dinner. “Hey, guys?” He asked, bringing their attention to him. “I want to make dinner tonight. Is that okay?” He asked.  
  
“Oh, my! Really? We’d love that, wouldn’t we, John?” The man nodded and Gerard gave them a big smile before turning to the kitchen, Frank following after. He went through the fridge and pulled out a bag of chicken that had been defrosted. He grabbed a pot and set to work on boiling the chicken. Frank sat at the table reading through that week’s newspaper, often laughing at the comics. Linda peeked inside after a while and nearly squealed in delight with how much they looked like a married couple, but instead rushed over to John and filled him in. He smiled at his wife, pleased with how happy everyone was.  
  
Back in the kitchen, Frank took to watching Gerard move about the kitchen and fridge. Gerard pulled out a cutting board and took out a plastic bag, setting it on the counter. Once the chicken was boiled, Gerard took the pieces out with a fork, before draining the water in the sink and then set to taking off all the meat before tossing the skin and bones in the plastic bag. Frank took a couple of pictures, not caring if it may have been a little creepy and then continued to watch his boyfriend for the next hour. It was six in the afternoon by the time Gerard had made orange chicken tacos, tea, and heated some beans on the side. The house smelled wonderful and Frank’s stomach had been growling for about twenty minutes now.  
  
“Okay, baby, dinner’s ready!” Gerard exclaimed, wiping his hands on his pants after washing them. One by one, he made plates for everyone and then took his seat next to Frank, holding hands under the table even though it wasn’t even a secret thing between the two anymore.  
  
“Gerard, this looks really good!” Linda praised, taking a bite of one of her tacos and making a pleased sound. “It tastes just as good as it looks, too.” Frank was proud of his boyfriend for making their family dinner in honor of Mikey. He felt blessed to have such an amazing significant other. He leaned over Gerard and kissed his cheek.  
  
“This is really good, Gee. I love it,” he said, and then picked up his glass of tea. “To Mikey, everyone. A wonderful brother, and I’m positive, a lovely friend I wish I’d known.” Everyone raises their glasses and even Helena seems to raise her hand, looking at them in wonder, before they all took a drink of ice cold tea. Gerard smiled over at Frank, his eyes glistening with tears and even though this was a sad day, Frank made him happy. He could smile and laugh and function and _love_ someone so deeply, and it was thanks to the seventeen-year old sitting next to him, holding his hand underneath the table.  
  
After the leftovers were put up, the boys went up to Frank’s room and cuddled while watching _Young Frankenstein_ before they set out to leave for ice cream. Just as Gerard was pulling on his jacket, he looked at Frank.  
  
“Ready to go, Frankie?” Frank gave him a polite smile, catching him off guard.  
  
“Actually, it’s pronounced ‘Fronk’,” and grinned like an idiot. Gerard scoffed.  
  
“Right, and I’m Jared.” They both chuckled and headed out. Mikey’s favorite ice cream was really simple. It was plain vanilla. The two boys sat in the bakery eating a decent sized bowl of the creamy treat and Gerard smiled as he watched Frank mix his around it to make it creamier. He adored every one of Frank’s habits, because they made him who he was.  
  
“Hey, Frank. What was your dad like? You know, before the change,” he asked curiously. Frank’s smile slipped off his face for a moment before returning in the form of nostalgia.  
  
“Well, he was really fun and silly and that was something my mother fell in love with him for. Looking at how she is, they were really a perfect fit. He treated us really well, often taking us out to eat at this burger joint that I’ve been wanting to take you too. It’s kinda far, but we can make the drive sometime. Anyways, he was _really_ smart. He actually made doing homework interesting and fun and I guess it caught on and stuck with me, even after his death.” Frank looks out the window, watching the sun set for a brief moment before looking back at Gerard. “He was a nice guy, even after he changed. He just wasn’t always there. Sometimes he’d just sit in the living room staring at nothing and it took a lot to get his attention. I think that was the most depressing thing. It was that I could call for him for so long and he wouldn’t even blink, as if I wasn’t there or he didn’t care. I choose to believe the former, it hurts less, you know?” Gerard nodded along, really thankful to get more of an insight. “He was really a great man, though. I know you’d have loved him. Just as much as I do.”  
  
“What was his favorite color?” Gerard asked, hoping to cheer him up by thinking about the good things. “Mikey’s was orange. Strange kid,” he laughed. Frank smiled wider.  
  
“Dad’s was actually green. Mikey’s favorite movie? Dad’s was _The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly_.” Gerard thought for a moment.  
  
“It was probably _Star Wars_. Favorite food? You just had Mikey’s so you know.” Frank didn’t miss a beat.  
  
“Carne guisada tacos with rice and homemade beans on the side. We haven’t had that in forever though. Mikey’s favorite thing to do? Dad’s was working in my math book and then after the change, it was just staring off into space.”  
  
“Mikey loved spending time with me. We were inseparable. In a way, we still are now,” he answered with a big smile. It was a smile that Frank wouldn’t forget any detail about. How thin his lips looked, the highlight of his high cheekbones, or his dimples, but another thing he wouldn’t forget was why he smiled like that, where he was, what time it was, and the gleam in his eyes as he did. It was then that Frank knew he needed to _always_ make Gerard smile like this.  
  
The couple stayed in the bakery until it was closing time and then left, taking a short walk down the street, holding hands and huddling closely because of Frank’s intolerance to the cold. Gerard didn’t mind. He loved Frank when he was extremely close.  
  
“Thank you for telling me about your dad, Frankie. It really meant a lot to me,” Gerard said as he looked at the now cloudy sky, only able to catch a glimpse of a few stars every now and then.  
  
“Thank you for asking. I really like remembering the good times about my dad. Like, the weird habits he had. You know, he would mumble things for himself and make silly face as he watched TV. It wasn’t in the way that he was making fun of the people on the show, but more in the sense of a habit. Like, he _had_ to do it. I loved watching him. It made me laugh and tease him about it,” he said. “Oh! And we had inside jokes, too! Like, one time we were watching this movie called _Yeti_ , and it was a terrible movie no doubt, but, like, there was this one scene where the yeti attacks these snowboarders or whatever, right?” Gerard nods. “Okay, and so he rips this one guy’s leg off,” he says starting to laugh. “And, like, the yeti just start-” he can hardly finish his sentence because of his giggling, and Gerard just _has_ to smile because Frank's laugh could probably cause world peace. “Just starts beating the guy with it and eating it between hits and we just burst out laughing because it was the funniest shit ever!” He finally finishes, laughing almost hysterically, tears gathering in his eyes. Gerard assumes it’s from laughing too much, but Frank feels that familiar warmth inside his heart. The feeling of missing his father laughing with him.  
  
He misses the laugh, the dorky smile, the silly faces, and how loud his voice used to be when he talked. He missed the scent of his after shave and the way he would read mechanical books because he was trying to figure out how to fix the car. He missed being able to predict what he dad was going to do on certain days. He missed staying up all night just so he could spend some time with him watching _Tom & Jerry_ or even _Malcom in the Middle_. He missed when his dad made breakfast which always turned out to be weenie and eggs with a side of bacon because that’s all he could really cook. He missed the clothes his dad wore, he missed the hugs he got, he missed seeing him have such a blast on Easter because he loved cracking the cascarones on everyone’s head. He missed going out and shopping for bags of candy to hand out during Halloween while he went trick or treating. There were so many heart-wrenching things about his dad that he missed, that he would never be able to experience ever again, and it was something no one else could give him. Not even John, although he’d tried. He wouldn’t admit it to the older man’s face, but it angered him when he tried to do the things his father did, because only his dad could do those things and get away with it. There would never be anyone like his dad, and that left him both happy and sad.  
  
He wiped his tears and pushed his feelings away. He’d cry when he was alone so he didn’t burden his boyfriend. After getting in the car and driving Gerard home, he made another stop by his dad’s spot and sat on the hood thinking about nothing. He just sat there shivering, wondering when his time to leave the town would come and what he would do then. He didn’t want to attend college exactly, because nothing but his guitar really interested him. Maybe he’d start a band or maybe he’d try out for one. The world was full of possibilities.  
  
“What would Gerard think about me being a musician?” He muttered under his breath. He knew he would only receive unwavering support and encouragement from his boyfriend and it warmed his heart. He laid in bed that thinking about how close graduation was, and that’s when he made his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some feedback and let me know how it's going?  
> Also Cleo says hello. She's meowing at my screen.


	25. They Gave Us Two Shot to the Back of the Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Officially the last chapter. Epilogue will be uploaded, hopefully, Sep 5.

Frank fixed Gerard’s cap as it was tilted to the side too much and then straightened the lace achievements he was to wear hanging around his neck.

 

“Frankie, come on,” he giggled. “It’s okay. You’re more nervous than I am.” Frank pouted and leaned up to give his boyfriend a peck on the lips.

 

“You look so handsome, Gerard!” Linda complimented from behind Frank. She took out her camera and took photos of them together. It was a memorable moment. Gerard’s parents stood next to Frank’s also taking pictures and smiling softly at how happy their son looked. Of course things weren’t all right between them still, but Gerard could smile and make conversation with them now. He sometimes even went places with them; today being their trip to visiting Mikey together for the first time since his burial.

 

“We’re so proud of you, sweetie!” His mother exclaimed.

 

“We are,” his father said, giving him a proud smile. Right beside them, for a split second, he thought he saw Mikey standing right beside them and giving him a proud smile, too. He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled happily. Mikey was proud of him and he knew it now with no doubt that he would be on the stage with him as he was giving his speech and receiving his diploma. If you’d asked him a year ago what he’d be doing on this day, he would’ve told you at home locked in his room because his brother needed to be there, but now he was standing proudly at the back of the line (courtesy of his last name) with his boyfriend right next to him and all of his family (The Way’s and Iero’s) smiling at him with cameras in their hands. His life was as perfect as he could get it and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

 

“Oh, Frank, I can’t wait until it’s your turn! Then it’ll be Gerard fussing all over you,” Linda teased, making both men blush and smile, nodding their heads. Gerard pulled the shorter man closer to him and placed a kiss atop his head.

 

“I can’t wait for that day either. I’d wouldn’t miss it for George Clooney or Salma Hayek’s foot,” he laughed, referencing their foot fetish debate. Frank turned to him, pointing his finger right in his face.

 

“I _knew_ it! Ha!” Frank said smugly. “Now I know what I’m doing later,” he muttered, giving his boyfriend a wink. Gerard’s cheek flamed up, making his entire face a bright red. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before slightly jumping in surprise at the sound of the school’s band playing. “I better get to my seat.” Gerard nodded and pulled him in for another kiss, holding him still by the back of his neck.

 

He pulled away. “I love you.” Frank smiled.

 

“I love you, too. Deliver the fuck outta that speech!” He cheered, slapping Gerard on the butt before walking away with his mom, sister and John. They sat down on the first row of bleachers and Frank sat with Helena on his lap as all the seniors walked onto the field and took their respective seats. Frank sat between his mom and John and Helena was leaning heavily against him while clutching the hand that was wrapped around her middle.

 

Gerard was zoning out, until he heard his name. “Now I welcome to the stage this year’s Valedictorian, Gerard Way,” his principle announced. Gerard stood, finding himself extremely calm and made his way on the stage while everyone clapped. He took out a slip of paper where he would be looking down at to give his speech. Gerard smiled to himself, because there was nothing written on the paper. He would be adlibbing the entire thing.

 

“Good evening ladies, gentlemen, both, neither. My years of high school were pretty good. I stuck to my own small group of friends. You probably know them, Ray and Bob over there and my brother, and I was content with my life. The end of my junior year was probably the worst as everyone knows my brother Mikey took his life that February. It killed me and I shut myself away, determined to join him wherever he was.” He took a deep breath. “The thing I never understood was, and this is going to make everyone uncomfortable, was how many people stated how sad they were at losing him, but he and I were inseparable, so I knew you were all just saying that to make yourselves feel better because I knew none of you talked to him,” he said calmly. He watched as people averted their eyes and shifted in their seats. Everyone was silent.

 

“But I guess, in some twisted way, it was what you all needed. Honestly, I hold indifference for pretty much everyone on this field today and that’s because I don’t really know any of you and that’s both our faults. See, high school is supposed to be about going out, making new friends and creating memories, but no one really tells you how difficult that really is. Society today is still stuck in the 70s because they forget to figure something out for the kids who are depressed or have anxiety or are asocial. It’s hard for young adults today because so much is expected of us. I don’t really know any of you, only from roll call, but I’m going to tell you right now that I survived. I lost my brother, shut myself away and nearly took my own life, but things _do_ get better. That’s an important thing to remember.

 

Be nice to people around you and spread the message of kindness and compassion. Help an old lady across the street or an elderly person in general take full bags of groceries and put them into their cars for them. Donate to charities, volunteer at the local nursing home or homeless shelter. Make a _difference_ with your life by doing something you love because it makes you happy,” he says, looking over at his boyfriend who was giving him a big smile. He smiled back. “Life is too short, everyone.” He took another deep breath.

 

“I will never forget this school or everything I experienced inside those walls, because they shaped me into who I am today. Not only that, but they led me to my soulmate, Frank Iero,” he smiles bigger, a few ‘aww’s’ coming from the crowd. “I think everyone should do something similar to what he did for me. Change a life. Sometimes a simple wave could save a life. Frank was the world’s wave to me. Thanks everyone for sitting here and listening to me drone on about my life and experience here, and even though you’ll all forget it in about ten minutes, know that I meant all of this, because these papers here,” he says, picking them up and waving them around slightly, “are blank. Remember: we can all change the world one kind word at a time. This is for you, Mikey. I know you’re here with me.” As he’s walking off the stage and people are clapping loudly and cheering for him, maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but he could swear he felt a hand on his shoulder as he reached the other side.

 

After graduation was over, he got a lot of compliments from parents, teachers and administrators, students and graduates about how wonderful his speech was. His was very happy everyone seemed to love it. The only person he really wanted to see was his Frank. His soulmate and best friend.

 

“Gerard, I’m so fucking proud of you! Your speech was amazing and I thought you _wrote_ it, but you winged the whole thing! You’re amazing and I’m so lucky to have you,” Frank said excitedly, jumping into his arms and kissing his lips. Their tongues slid across each other and they were suddenly all alone until someone cleared their throat. They pulled apart to see Ray and Bob smirking at them and wriggling their eyebrows.

 

“Great speech, Gerard. Bob and I are going to this kid’s party and we’re gonna go to play pranks on drunk kids. You guys wanna come?” Ray asked. Gerard quickly shook his head.

 

“No, thanks. I wanna go home with Frank and spend some time with him alone,” he explained. Frank blushed and the guys grinned. “What?” He asked, confused. Then it hit him. He basically announced to his friends that he and Frank were going to sex it up later that night. He covered his face in embarrassment, only making the guys laugh at him while Frank’s blush grew brighter, spreading to his neck and ears.

 

“Go away, guys!” Frank whined, crossing his arms and trying to hide his smile.

 

“Okay, okay, we’re leaving,” Ray chuckled. “Have fun~” he sang, walking away with his hand in Bob’s.

 

“Come on, Gerard. Let’s go home,” Frank said, trying to get his boyfriend to stop hiding behind his hands. Gerard reluctantly pulled his hands away and gave Frank an apologetic look.

 

“I’m sorry, Frankie. I didn’t know how it sounded until I saw their faces,” he said sadly. Frank wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked to their car, everyone coming in separate vehicles.

 

“It’s not a problem, Gee. It’s not like they’re making the wrong assumptions.” He winked at the taller man. When they got in the car, Gerard took off his gown and tossed it in the backseat, reminding himself not to leave it there, and they took off.

 

“Where are we going?” He asked Frank when he passed their house.

 

“Back to the field,” Frank answered. Gerard had missed being in the peaceful place even though he’d only been there once all those months ago. He couldn’t believe he was going back as Frank’s significant other. “By the way, it was really nice what you said about me in your speech. Kinda made me tear up,” he admitted the Gerard.

 

“It was true.” They stayed silent the rest of the way. Same as before, Frank turned the radio on to a decent volume and hopped out the car, Gerard doing the same. “I will never get over how beautiful it is here,” Gerard said to no one is particular.

 

“I will never get over how beautiful _you_ are,” Frank responded. Gerard looked over at his boyfriend who was laying out a blanket in front of the car and sitting down in it before patting the space next to him. “Sit next to me.” Gerard took a seat and put his arm over Frank’s shoulder, relishing in how good it felt when the boy leaned back against his side.

 

“I still hope you make it past that bridge, Frank,” Gerard said quietly after a while.

 

“I hope you make it, too. I want you to succeed in whatever you choose to go for. I really want all the happiness in the world to be for you, but I guess that’s a little selfish because everyone also deserves to be happy.” Gerard nods.

 

“Yeah. Happiness is important. I hope you’ll stay by my side as I accomplish the things I want to, just as I want to be by your side when you do the same.” Frank smiled at him, grateful to who he met all those months ago. It hurt him to know that he’d be leaving for college in a couple of weeks and doing his own thing for a while, but he hoped everything would turn out all right.

 

“Gerard,” Frank whimpered softly. Gerard put his other arm around him, laying Frank back and leaning over him with a loving gaze. Frank wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down for a heated kiss. Gerard took delight in it, wondering how he came to be graced with someone as wonderful as the man he was kissing now. Who knew the sixteen-year old boy he thought was annoying and way too nosey would become the love of his life?

 

Gerard savored the sounds Frank was making as he thrusted into him at an almost harsh pace. It was the perfect night, next to their first time on New Year’s, and Gerard almost wanted to cry when he thought about how amazing it was to be able to please this man as he was. Frank clawed at his back, throwing his head back as Gerard reached down between them and stroked his heavily leaking member, snapping his hips into Frank. He never took his eyes off of the man underneath him, wanting to memorize every detail of his face into his brain as though his life depended on it. With one last thrust and flick of his wrist, Frank finished over his hand and both of their stomach’s. Gerard sped up his movements, feeling his release close and wanting to get there without hurting Frank from sensitivity. Frank gasped and clutched him tightly, feeling the pain and shaking from it. Finally, Gerard finished inside of him, filling him up almost more than he could stand. The warmth and stickiness he felt completed him and he wished the moment could last forever, but he was promptly brought back down to Earth when Gerard pulled out, gasping softly and leaning his head on Frank’s collarbone. Frank let his legs fall from around his waist, both panting and sweaty from the humidity in the air. Gerard leaned up and gave him a deep kiss.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Frank. I sometimes can’t believe you’re real,” Gerard whispers, smiling down at him.

 

“Sometimes I feel I only exist for you,” Frank responds, smiling back and happy that his words were probably accurate. He wished Gerard would almost think the same as well. After laying there for a moment, cuddling with one another and filled to the brim with happiness, the two packed up the blanket and headed home. Everything was good. They were both happy and Gerard would be going off to college while Frank got ready for his sophomore year, which made him sad because he wished he was graduating next year so he could live with Gerard and he wouldn’t have to worry about distance amongst other things. What he decided a few months ago was soon to happening and he was nervous. He was scared. And he hated himself.

 

*

 

This was it. The day Gerard was leaving for college, and Frank was nervous. He was spending the day at the Way’s home and sitting with Gerard in the living room watching a movie while his parents were out in the town. They asked if they wanted to go, but the boys declined. Frank needed to do this while it was just the two of them alone, before he needed to head to the record store for his shift. This was a day he’d been dreading, but he’d been putting this off long enough.

 

“Gerard?” He found himself saying, surprised by the courage he suddenly had. Gerard smiled over at him and he almost pretended to forget what he was going to say, but took a deep breath and followed through. “You know I love you, right?” He asked. Gerard raised his brow.

 

“Of course, Frankie. I love you, too. Why?” He asked. His heart was speeding up for some reason and he didn’t know why or maybe he didn’t _want_ to.

 

“I...” He paused, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, but failed. “I want to break up with you,” he managed to say after a minute of silence, his voice nearly breaking. He felt Gerard move away from him, turning to him.

 

“What? Why? Frank, what’s wrong?” It was then that he realized he was crying. He took ahold of Gerard’s hands and squeezed them tightly in his. Frank finally looked up into his eyes and stood his ground.

 

“You’re going to be attending a college and you’re going to meet other people and you may run into someone you like,” he said, voice wavering. He could tell Gerard was about to dismiss his statement, but he continued talking before he could. “Let me finish, okay?” Gerard hesitantly nodded, his hands shaking in Frank’s. “I don’t want to hold you back from experiences. I don’t want you to miss out on things, because you’re chained to me. I know you don’t think about it that way, but I do. If, after I graduate or you do, you still want me, then I’ll be here waiting for like I always will. Until then, we can’t be together,” he said, letting his tears run freely. Gerard was at a loss for words, trying to understand what was happening, but he drew a blank.

 

“Is-is there someone else you like?” Gerard eventually asked. Frank’s eyes nearly popped from his head.

 

“No, no. Never, Gerard,” he said, shaking his head furiously at Gerard’s statement.

 

“Then I don’t get your reason for breaking up with me. It doesn’t make sense!” He argued, raising his voice. He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let Frank go and end everything like this.

 

“You’ll understand what I mean one day. I love you, okay? Don’t forget that.” And with that, he stood. Instantly, Gerard stood and clung to him, tears running down his face and dripping onto his shirt.

 

“No, please, Frankie. Please, don’t do this to _us_!” He sobbed. Frank bit his lip, his shoulders shaking from the sobs he was holding back. He couldn’t believe he was causing the man he loved to cry, but it needed to be done. He didn’t want Gerard to worry about cheating on him in case he found someone else he loved. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, it was that he _wanted_ him to have fond memories to look back on. Even if he had to be just that. A memory.

 

“We’ll still be friends and talk, Gee. I still want you to let me know how things are going every day with your classes and I still want to be with you, but I don’t see us being a couple for now. I understand if you hate me, but one day, you’ll understand what I mean,” he tried, holding Gerard close. The other man didn’t respond and instead kissed him frantically, pulling himself flush against him. It was the most painful kiss they’d ever shared. Not even their first kiss held this much pain. He was letting go of the man he loved so he didn’t hate him later, even if he might right now. All Frank wanted was to see Gerard smile like he did that time in the bakery. He wanted that to be permanent, and with him there, it couldn’t be.

 

Frank could wait. He’d wait years for Gerard to come back to him ready to be together again or to meet the person he fell for while he was away in college. He just wanted Gerard to make it. Even if it had to be without him. He kissed Gerard back with all the feelings in his heart before Gerard pulled away, sobs once again escaping his lips.

 

“ _Don’t_ do this, Frank. I won’t fall for anyone else or anything like that, I promise you!” He begged. Frank sadly shook his head, a fresh round of hot tears pouring down his face.

 

“You don’t know that. You can’t promise that,” he cried softly, stepping out of Gerard’s grasp and hugging himself, trying to will time to pass by when things would be okay again.

 

“Yes, I _can_! Why don’t you believe me?” He asked, reaching out to him again. Frank stepped further away, the pain in Gerard’s chest soaring, causing him to retract his hands.

 

“It’s not that I don’t, Gerard,” he said, looking down and letting a small sob out.

 

“Then what is it?!” Gerard yelled, becoming furious. “Everything was okay and we were happy! Why are you so insistent on fucking it up?”

 

“I don’t _want_ to, but put yourself in my position. You’re leaving for college to a place on your own with tons of new people. All this is, is a small town. There are a lot of people out there who want to know you. As much as this pains me, I can’t be selfish with you! One of those people could actually make you happier than I do and we won’t know until we try,” Frank explained, sighing at how ridiculous his reasoning was sounding out loud. Gerard couldn’t believe his ears.

 

“Jesus Christ, Frank, be selfish for once in your fucking life! I want this,” he said, gesturing between the two of them. “I want _you_ and no one else.” Frank shook his head and looked at the time, half an hour to work, but he needed to leave _now_. He walked over to Gerard and pulled him close, planting one last parting kiss. His slid his tongue in Gerard’s mouth, deepening the kiss as much as possible and trying to memorize the feel of him so close. Frank eventually pulled away and gave Gerard’s cheek a kiss before walking to the door. “Frankie, don’t,” Gerard whimpered, sounding defeated. He was broken, but somehow he didn’t feel like this was the end.

 

“I love you, Gerard,” Frank said, looking back at him with his hand on the knob. Gerard gave him a broken smile. And suddenly he was back to the first day Frank was acknowledged as his friend. The day he was glad Frank put his nose where it didn’t belong. He day he felt trust again. His heart was being ripped from his chest, but he oddly felt like he couldn’t make it. It wasn’t the end of the world; this was just his opportunity to show Frank that he wouldn’t love anyone else but him.

 

“I love you, too, Frank. I understand. I’m not mad, okay? I’d never be mad at you.” Frank smiled, fresh tears once again flowing, Gerard’s face looking the same. He opened the door and walked out, and as soon as the door closed, Gerard fell to his knees sobbing, holding his face in his hands. Outside, Frank is walking away from the sound of Gerard crying, and it was one of the hardest things he had to do, next to washing his father’s blood away. He looked down at his chest and realized that his heart was gone.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Gerard,” he cried, trying to his best to wipe his tears as he got in the car and started it up. He pulled out of the driveway and drove to work looking like complete shit. “I’m sorry,” he gasped, “I’m so _so_ sorry!” He parked in the parking lot of the store and sat there for a moment. He felt like he’d made a mistake, and just wanted to drive back to Gerard’s and take it all back. He wanted his boyfriend back, but he couldn’t be selfish. Not with someone like Gerard.

 

He was special. The world deserved him, and there was someone better than Frank out there for his best friend. He changed shirts in the car and checked his phone, seeing that he had a message from Gerard.

 

**From: Gee <3**  
3:52 pm  
_I love you so much and I’ll be back for you when you graduate._

 

Frank smiled to himself and got out the car, walking into the store feeling good about things. He didn’t have Gerard anymore, but maybe there would come a day where he did again.

 

“Frank, hey!” His manager, Patrick, called out to him. Frank gave him a wave.

 

“Hey, Patrick. How’s the day been so far?” He asked, punching in his timecard. The man shrugged and waved his hand around dismissively.

 

“It’s been slow.” Then his eyes looked concerned, his eyebrows raising in sympathy. “Is everything okay? Have you been crying?” He asked, walking over to the shorter male.

 

“Gerard and I split. I-I wanted him to have experiences and not have to worry about me,” Frank said, forcing a smile. When he said it out loud another time, he realized how fucking stupid he sounded, but what’s done was done.

 

“That was a very mature thing of you to do, Frank. Even though it hurts now, I think it’ll be worth it in the long run, okay? Do you need the night off?” He asked. Frank shook his head, smiling. He was thankful to know someone as nice as his manager. He was a bit of a pushover, but could really stand his ground when the moment came.

 

“No, thanks. I think working and stuff will take my mind off of it.” Patrick nodded understandingly, patting his shoulder and smiling at him.

 

“All right. Then, can you go organize the CD bin in alphabetical order?” Frank nodded happily.

 

“I still think it’s really weird that you not only like doing it, but you’re also extremely good at it. But, hey, whatever gets you goin’,” the manager laughs before continuing to flip through a magazine. Two hours later, and Frank was barely on letter ‘G,’ but further along than other employees would be, so he’s making good progress when the bell on the door jingles and someone walks in. Both men look up and then all eyes are on Frank, who is staring wide at the man standing at the entrance.

 

“Gerard? What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. Patrick took that as his time to leave, and walked into the backroom. Call him nosey, but he leaned against the door, trying to listen in. Frank would never tell him much because he was a closed off person despite sometimes never closing his mouth.

 

“I came to say goodbye. I’m heading out right now.” Frank nodded, looking back over at the CDs trying to avoid eye contact.

 

“I’m really going to miss you,” he murmured. Gerard stepped closer to him, bringing him into a tight hug.

 

“I’m going to miss you, too, but just watch: I’ll be back for you before you know it. I’ll call you every night and message you as soon as I can. We can do this, okay?” Frank nodded, but he couldn’t put off this uneasiness he felt in the pit of his stomach. “I know we’re not together, but we’ll still talk and get through it.” Gerard kissed the top of his head.

 

“I love you, Gerard. So much. Don’t forget that. Ever,” he whispered against Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard pulled back and kissed him as deep and hard as possible.

 

Maybe, Frank thought, they were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically the last chapter, guys. I'll be uploading the epilogue in a day or so. I'll tell everyone right now that I really appreciate everyone who viewed, commented, rated, subscribed. It means so much to me. This was the third story I ever published on here and this was my most personal one. All of Frank's thoughts about his dad reflects back on my own father and how I dealt with his death, while Gerard's actions were how I wish I'd been able to express everything. All of the stories told by Frank about his dad, other than the suicide, were all about my dad. Such as his habits, quirks, and routine. The inside jokes and the familiar mindset. So this was definitely extremely personal and I hoped that this has helped someone cope as it has helped me. Monday will mark 4 years since I've seen my dad, so finishing this story by then really meant a lot to me.
> 
> Leave me some thoughts and feedback in the comment section? It'd mean tons!


	26. Epilogue- To The End

These three years had passed by in a flash. One moment, Gerard and Frank had kissed one final time in the record store before Gerard left for his future and the next, Frank was walking across the stage giving his own speech and accepting his diploma. Gerard and Frank had remained very good friends for first two years, but as time went past, they grew distant. Gerard became busier with his projects and Frank remained focused on his schoolwork to distract himself from how lonely he felt without his best friend. Eventually, all contact was lost. Although this bothered Frank deeply, he understood that Gerard was living his life and this was, after all, what he had wanted from day one. After the principal spoke the final words, setting it in stone that he was no longer in high school, he quickly left the field in search of his mother, John, and Helena.  
  
"Congratulations, Frankie," he heard someone speak from behind him. He smiled as he turned around, quickly knowing who it was. There stood Gerard, the man who still had his heart after all these years. What caught him off guard was the woman standing next to him. She looked around Gerard’s age. Her black hair fell over her shoulders joining together in two separate ponytails, but her bright red lipstick is the first thing Frank found his eyes on, because he felt she wore it well. She was beautiful and his stomach twisted in knots, knowing who she was to the man of his dreams.  
  
"Thanks, Gerard. I didn't know you were going to be in town," he answered, trying to steady his voice. He was scared to hear the words come from the older man himself, but he braced himself for what was to come. Gerard stepped forward and gave the graduate a hug. They had both grown taller, but Gerard still towered over Frank.  
  
"I wouldn't miss your graduation. This is Lindsey, by the way. My fiancée," he explained as he gestured to the woman. She smiled brightly at him and also stepped forward, sticking her hand out. Even though Frank felt his heart breaking, he managed to smile and shake her hand without his eyes tearing up.  
  
"It's nice to meet you," he said. He was thankful for how loud it was or the hurt in his voice might have sounded obvious.  
  
"It's nice to meet you as well. I've heard so many great things about you from Gerard!" He smiled at her kind words and enthusiasm. He looked back to Gerard who seemed to have an apology in his eyes, but he smiled and shook his head at him, silently telling him he understood. He held no ill-will towards the older man. This was expected, after all. Gerard moved to a big city and went to an art school where he would meet many different people just like him. He was a happy person now and he became much brighter causing his personality to bloom more. He became more approachable; He was easy to love and even harder to hate.  
  
"How have your parents and Helena been?" Gerard asked. The older male owed his life to the entire family for taking him in as one of their own and treating him no differently from their own blood.  
  
"They're doing well. They should be looking for me, so I better get going," Frank answered, wanting to get as far away from the couple as possible. He gave Gerard one last smile and turned away just as his eyes watered and the tears fell. He couldn’t be upset with anyone, not even himself. This was meant to happen. They didn’t belong together. Gerard was too ready to take on the world, and Frank didn’t have a spot next to him. Their futures were too different; Gerard was going to be a great artist and, despite his grades being top notch, Frank’s future was undecided. It didn't take him long to find his parents and it didn’t take them long to find that something was wrong with their son.  
  
"What's wrong, baby?" His mother asked as she wiped his tears away. Over his shoulder, she saw Gerard holding the hand of woman, but his eyes lingering on her son, something about them being full of love and something like regret.  
  
"Nothing, mom. I'm just... happy that Gerard can finally stand on his own feet. He doesn't need me anymore," he told her. Linda was surprised; she was sure Gerard was going to wait for her son. She sighed softly, putting an arm around his shoulders and they walked away with him to their car. On the drive home, Frank leaned his head against the window watching the other cars pass the opposite way in a blur. His heart had already fallen to a billion little pieces inside his chest, but he had to go on. He knew, from day one, he could never be with Gerard. This was something he would just have to live with.  
  
Later that night, Gerard called the younger male.  
  
"Hello?" Frank answered. He was expecting the call, but he still found himself hesitating and his heart racing. He didn’t want this phone call to happen, but it needed to. It had to be done.  
  
" _Frank._ " Frank understood what he was saying.  
  
"It's okay, Gerard, really," he assured him. When nothing but silence passed through the line. Frank knew that it was now or never. "Gerard, you're happy, aren't you?" He asked. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his throat felt tight. Like he wanted to puke. After a moment of silence, Gerard spoke.  
  
" _Yes."_ Frank lifted the phone away from his face and let out a silent sob.  
  
"You can stand on your own now. You don't need me anymore," he said, voice strained.  
  
" _Don't say that!_ " Gerard spoke with no hesitation. Frank smiled at how Gerard still cared for him. He knew Gerard would always care about him just as he would care for Gerard. They had been through so much together and supported one another during troubled times. They would always have a special place in each other’s heart.  
  
"We're going our separate ways. You're going to keep attending art school and I'm going to pass that bridge and see where it takes me. See what it is my dad wanted so badly," he spoke softly.  
  
" _I want to pass it with you, Frank,_ " Gerard said as his voice began breaking, his throat burning from holding back his small sobs.  
  
"Gerard, I'm not coming back. If you come with me, you'd be quitting art school, and leaving your fiancee."  
  
" _But I would still have you._ " Frank let his tears run freely at the words Gerard was speaking. He still loved Frank, but not enough to be with him forever, he knew now. He was getting married and he would start a family and grow to be an old man with a legacy for his kids and their kids to continue. He wasn’t meant to be with Gerard. They were meant to help each other when they’d needed it the most and then part ways, it was obvious now, Frank thought to himself. Eventually, he’d be content with that.  
  
"I'm not going to let you do that. Because I love you, oh, so fucking much, I _can't_ let you do that," Frank sobbed. No words were exchanged after that and together the two men cried on the phone until nothing but silence clouded their ears. Frank got up and walked over to his closet. After opening it up, he pulled his suitcase out along with a couple of duffel bags. For the remainder of the night while his entire family, including Gerard, slept, he packed all of his belongings. He tore a piece of paper from an old journal he'd used throughout his last school year, grabbed a pen, and began to write.  
  
' _Mom, John, and Helena,_  
_I am sure you all knew this was coming. I have chosen to leave before I chickened out. I also didn't want goodbyes with any of you. I love you with all of my being. I'm not sure where I am going, but I can assure you that I will be fine. I'm going to do what dad couldn’t. I’ll write whenever I can. I'm sure you know that I will not come back until I've found the happiness that I have longed for._  
__  
Mom, you are the most amazing person. You've always been so understanding. You've always deserved more than what dad left you.  
__  
John, you have given my mom what she's always deserved. So, from the bottom of my heart, I love you, dad.  
__  
Helena, my beautiful sister, I love you. I know you will miss me as much as I will miss you. At least I hope so, but I know that you can take the world headstrong and knock it on its ass. After all, you have two kick ass parents. I only ask of you two things. First, hold mom whenever she cries, no questions asked. And two, please don't hate me for leaving. I promise one day, that I will find the courage to come back and I will tell you my story.  
__  
If Gerard happens to come around looking for me, tell him I'm glad he made it.  
__  
With all the love possible of a human being,  
Your son,  
Frank.’  
  
Frank wiped the tears from his face and quickly put his jacket on. He slipped his shoes on and grabbed his things. He put his things in the trunk of the car he'd gotten himself last year and ran back up to his room. He grabbed the note and silently snuck into his parents room, smiling at how John snuggled into his mother, finding comfort and ease being close to her, just as he did himself . He looked at them one last time, burning the image into his mind, before putting the piece of paper, stained with tears, next to his mother's head on the pillow. He left their room and went into his sister’s. He leaned down and gave her forehead a kiss, trying to stop the feeling of guilt from creeping into him. This was something he had to do, he couldn’t turn back.  
  
"Please don't hate your big brother," he whispered. He gave her one last look before leaving. He locked the door on his way out and slid into his car. He stared down at his phone, the line still connected with a sleeping Gerard. He took a deep breath.  
  
"Goodbye, Gerard." He quickly hung up before he could stop himself and then took the battery out before tossing his phone onto the passenger’s seat. He’d get a new phone with a new number soon. He started the car up and backed out of the driveway. As he drove further and further away, he refrained from looking back at his home, fearing that if he did so, he would turn back. Frank turned his radio up and found it pleasantly fitting when the opening chords to _Free Bird_ began through the speakers. His entire life, up until that point, replayed in his head. From when he was a little kid barely learning about the horrors of the world from watching the news, to finding his father’s body after coming home from school. He’d been excited to tell his dad that he scored the highest in the placement test, hoping it’d bring a smile to his father’s sorrowful face, but sometimes the world didn’t work that way. He remembered having to call the police and then wait at the station for his mother to come get him. For half an hour, he sat in a hard metal seat, staring into space and ignoring the questions the officers were asking him. He thought back to the time he’d met John and absolutely hated him inside his mind. He didn’t want anyone to replace his father, but eventually the other man grew on him. He remembered when they got married and then announced the new addition to the family. He thought about when he met Gerard, and then falling in love with him. He thought about becoming close with Ray and Bob. He’d miss that small unit of friends he’d had his freshman year. Ray and Bob were still touring last he heard, and they were happy; thinking about settling down and getting married.  
  
He wondered what his mother was going to do when she woke up and found the letter, and almost caved and turned his phone back on. There were so many memories in that small device. All his messages with Gerard, all their pictures as friends and then as a couple, all the baby pictures of Helena, too. That’s when he decided that he’d keep the phone, just to look back at his sister and occasionally at Gerard. He was ready to do this; he was ready to leave everyone behind and search for the happiness he desired with all of his being. It was something he had to do alone, something he couldn’t allow anyone in his soon-to-be old life to interfere with. This was all about Frank Iero, the one person he’d been avoiding helping all his life.  
  
When he got to the bridge, he slowed his car to a stop, thankful at the lack of traffic. Turning the volume as high as he could stand it, he stepped on the gas and whispered six freeing words to himself.  
  
"I'm glad you made it, Frank." He let one last tear slip out and said goodbye to everyone in the town behind him. He smiled truer than he ever had as the wind blew through his hair and the sound of a nostalgic song played in the air around him. _Yes, this is it_ , he thought as he got to the other side of the bridge, crossing into a land he never really thought he would get to.  
  
_Finally_.  
  
**-END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this months ago when I realized how it was going to end. It was a bittersweet night. I hope you've all enjoyed this story and thank you for putting up with my throughout this story and for the subscribers, kudos,hits, and all that I've ended this with. I love you all. Thanks for sticking around.
> 
> If any of you have questions about this story (since a lot of things changed from the originally story line) comment and I'd be happy to answer
> 
> Much love,  
> CL

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments! This story is already quite far in MCRFanFic, but I wanted to post here also <3


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